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1 in 5 women with postpartum mood disorders don’t speak up—here’s how to help

When I was pregnant, I was distinctly aware of the possibility that I may struggle with postpartum depression—especially because I was already prone to depression. I promised myself and my family that I would ask for help at the first inkling of something being wrong. But, initially, I didn’t seem to have any major symptoms.


Then, as the sleepless nights wore on, the familiar feelings of depression came back to me.

I often felt overwhelmed by little things: A tangled car seat strap became an insurmountable struggle and a sign that I should just stay home. Simply thinking about showering during any spare time seemed to zap my energy. I struggled to see myself as anyone outside of “mom.”

In the days before my next scheduled wellness appointment, I thought of what I would say to signal I needed help. But this time our nurse didn’t ask the depression screening questions, and the anxiety that was already constricting me prevented me from bringing up the subject.

Next thing I knew, I was smiling and waving goodbye with one arm, balancing my baby in the other. I walked out of the exam room feeling as burdened as I had going in.

I’m hardly alone. According to a recent study published in the Maternal and Child Health Journal, one in five new moms experiencing postpartum mood disorders doesn’t disclose her symptoms to healthcare providers.

“Our study finds that many women who would benefit from treatment are not receiving it because they don’t tell anyone that they’re dealing with any challenges,” says Betty-Shannon Prevatt, the study’s lead author. According to Prevatt, 10 to 20 percent of mothers experience postpartum mood disorders (PPMD).

The goal of the study was to determine how many of us aren’t disclosing our feelings to our healthcare practitioners—and how we can all work together to improve those outcomes. Prevatt’s team surveyed 211 women who had given birth in the previous three years. The researchers asked the women if they felt PPMD symptoms, and, if so, whether they had disclosed these symptoms to a healthcare provider. The results showed 51 percent of the moms surveyed had symptoms of a PPMD. Yet, 21 percent of those moms didn’t tell their healthcare providers.

“With so many women in our study not disclosing PPMDs to their providers, it strongly suggests that a significant percentage of these women did not disclose their symptoms even when asked,” says the study’s co-author, Sarah Desmarais, an associate professor of psychology at North Carolina State University, who added there are national guidelines intended to help healthcare professionals detect PPMDs among patients.

But as I know from my experience, that may also be because the right questions were asked at the wrong times—and then never again.

What’s more, the research suggests women experiencing the highest levels of stress were the most likely to ask for help while many others (myself included) brush off symptoms that don’t seem “bad enough” to warrant getting help.

We need to help women feel more comfortable discussing mental health during new motherhood—not just in times of crisis.

As for me, I wish I’d spoken up on the day I wasn’t asked. Instead, I plodded along on my own for months before picking up the phone and booking an appointment with a therapist. When I finally did open up about my feelings, the relief was pretty much instant. We worked on some coping techniques I could use when feeling overwhelmed and talked about how a lot of my anxiety was stemming from an unfounded fear of being a bad mom. For other women, the solution for PPMDs may involve medication or other forms of treatment.

If a mom in your life seems depressed but isn’t speaking up for herself, you can help.

Here are a few tips:

  • Acknowledge how hard early parenthood is, without minimizing her experience by comparing it to yours or others. (Remember that the experience of every parent, even those who share a child, is different.)
  • Ask open-ended questions and let her know that you’re there to support her. If she wants help, offer to watch the baby while she goes to the doctor or to therapy.
  • Partners should remember to be patient, too. It takes time to recover from postpartum depression, but with support, she’ll get through it.

Regardless, it all begins with a conversation. You won’t regret it.

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They say there's no use in crying over it, but for pumping mamas, spilled milk is a major upset.

When you're working so hard to make sure your baby has breast milk, you don't want to lose a drop, and Chrissy Teigen knows this all too well.

The mom of two posted a video to social media Wednesday showing her efforts to rescue breastmilk from a tabletop. She used various utensils and a syringe to try to get the milk back in the bottle.

"I spilled my breastmilk and this is how important it is in this house," she says while suctioning up milk with what appears to be a baster.

In a follow-up video Teigen continues to try to rescue the spilled milk.

"We're trying," she says as she suctions up a drop or two. "I got some."

Teigen is currently breastfeeding baby Miles, her son with husband John Legend, and has been very public about the fact that she pumps a lot as a working mom.

She's also been open about the fact that milk supply has always been an issue for her, not just with Miles but with Luna, too.

"I actually loved [pumping] because I'm a collector of things, and so when I found out I could pump I [did it] so much because I knew the more you pumped, the more milk you'd make," she told POPSUGAR back in March. "So I loved collecting my breast milk and seeing how much I could get, even if it was very, very little."

Like a lot of moms, Teigen did struggle emotionally when a pump session wouldn't get her the ounces she wanted.

"I wasn't producing a lot of milk, and it was frustrating. When you're frustrated, [it can also make you] not produce that much."

Research backs her up. Stress has been linked to lower milk production. Because of that, she's trying to stay positive this time around, but captioned her video post "EVERY DROP COUNTS IN THIS HOUSE" because, well, they do.


So many mothers can relate. Have you ever tried to save your breastmilk?

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Former Bachelorette and mom of two Ali Fedotowsky is on a roll when it comes to starting conversations about why we mamas should love our bodies (and we love her for it).

Earlier this week Fedotowsky posted a series of photos showing her postpartum belly, loose skin and all. It was a vulnerable post, but a really valuable one in a world where images of celebrity postpartum bodies often don't reflect the ones we see in the mirror.

"I know it's important to be open and honest about my postpartum body in hopes that it helps even one person out there who is struggling with their own body image," Fedotowsky captioned the photos.

It seems like that post is helping, because, as Fedotowsky noted in her next Instagram post, her honest belly pics were met with an outpouring of love and support.

"I had no idea how many women needed to see that post," she wrote, noting that the reaction to those photos inspired her to write a blog post featuring her favorite breastfeeding-friendly clothing, because she's celebrating and loving her postpartum body for what it did and continues to do for her baby, not just what it looks like.

"Yes, I may have extra fat and loose skin around my belly, but that same body nourishes and comforts my child. Just another reason to love every inch of my body and how it has changed."

Fedotowsky gave birth in May, so she's only a couple months postpartum and it's not surprising that she's still carrying a little extra weight. Research indicates that about 20% of moms are carrying about 11 pounds extra 6 to 18 months after giving birth. And while weight loss is often cited as a reason for women to breastfeed, studies show that breastfeeding doesn't lead to substantial weight loss for everyone, and in fact only has a small effect on postpartum weight loss typically.

So moms like Fedotowsky should absolutely love the bodies that are feeding their babies, and we love how Fedotowsky is encouraging that.

Pregnancy changes our bodies. But they are still so beautiful.

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Nicole Hughes lost her 3-year-old son, Levi, on June 10, 2018. As she points out in an emotional essay she wrote for Scary Mommy, drowning is the leading cause of death in children ages 1 to 4 and the second leading cause in ages 1 to 14.

And it can happen in less than a minute. In the majority of child drownings, the child wasn't expected to be swimming at the time. That was the case for Hughes, who doesn't know what prompted Levi to venture outside to the pool, alone, as she was cleaning up after dinner. It happened so fast.

"I was the one who found him, face down, in the deep end. Just moments before this horrific discovery, I split a brownie with him. I still had the other half of the brownie in my mouth when I jumped into the pool to grab my son. Mere moments, seconds," Hughes writes.

Her pain is unimaginable, but in the days and weeks after Levi's death, Hughes began to ask a very important question: "Why did I not know that drowning is the leading cause of death?"

In every photo she has of Levi on that last day of the family's beach vacation he is wearing a lifejacket, and Hughes says the family took water safety very seriously. But she wonders how, as a mother on her third journey through parenting a preschooler, she had never heard that 69% of kids who drown were not meant to be swimming when they did?

"But why did I not know about the dangers of drowning during NON-SWIMMING times? How did I not know it took less than one minute?" she writes.

Now, Hughes is on a mission. She's created a non-profit called Levi's Legacy to ensure other parents know what she didn't: That a child can drown when we think they're inside eating a brownie, and that it happens so fast.

"I don't want this role of water-safety advocate. I want 30 seconds back on June 10. But I am determined to share these facts I so desperately wish I had known," she writes.

Hughes is asking the American Academy of Pediatrics to step up efforts to educate parents about drowning prevention, and feels that current resources on the AAP website fail to address the issue with the urgency it deserves.

Way back in the mid-90s the AAP noted that "although drowning is the second leading cause of death by unintentional injury in the pediatric population (aged 0 to 19 years), most pediatricians do not routinely provide information to their patients, or to their patients' parents, on drowning prevention," and suggested that if "the prevention of drowning is made a priority in pediatric practice, many more children's lives will be saved."

Hughes agrees, but says the AAP hasn't been doing enough.

So Hughes and other mothers are working to help spread the message they wish they had heard. Morgan Beck Miller, wife of Olympian Bode Miller, also lost a child to drowning recently. Her 19-month-old daughter, Emeline, drowned in a backyard pool the same day Hughes' son did.

On Instagram, Miller encouraged her followers to read Hughes' essay and learn more about drowning prevention. "It's been 37 days since I've held my baby girl. I pray to God no other parent feels this pain. My heart is with you @nicolehughes8 as we walk this journey together," she wrote.

"Drowning is the NUMBER ONE cause of death in children ages 1-4. We talk about vaccinations, car seats, organic foods, screen time, etc at length...but not the number one risk your children's' lives face...a silent killer. It takes SECONDS. Please share and help us spread awareness. It's the first step to preventing these types of tragedies."

Water safety tips:

  • Assign a supervisor: The Mayo Clinic recommends that when kids are using a pool, parents turns as the "designated watcher", so that one adult is always focused on the kids. Hughes' organization, Levi's Legacy, has created "water guardian" tags that adults can wear to show that they are the one watching responsible for pool supervision at that moment. The CDC says "supervisors of preschool children should provide 'touch supervision' be close enough to reach the child at all times."
  • Install barriers: Many pool drownings are the result of a child getting into a pool when they were not expected to be near it. That's why the CDC recommends "self-closing and self-latching gates that open outward with latches that are out of reach of children," and "additional barriers such as automatic door locks and alarms to prevent access or alert you if someone enters the pool area."
    • Fences that provide a complete barrier around all sides of a pool may prevent 7 out of 10 drownings of children under 5, notes Parachute, a charity dedicated to injury prevention.
    • If you're renting a beach house or booking an Airbnb with a pool, look for one with these features.
  • Keep toys away from the pool: The CDC suggests that as soon as pool time is over, parents put away any toys, floats or other fun objects that may be in or around the pool. Removing the toys removes an element of temptation for children.
  • Take swimming lessons: According to the AAP, "children over age one may be at a lower risk of drowning if they have had some formal swimming instruction. However, there is no evidence that swimming lessons or water survival skills courses can prevent drowning in babies younger than one year of age."
  • Take a CPR course: When seconds count, you want to be ready to do everything possible to save a child.

These two mothers have been through a loss that most parents cannot even fathom, and if they get their way, none of us will have to.

[Update: July 18, 2018: Added additional safety tips.]

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If you've ever experienced a surge of guilt after saying yes to your child's request for iPad time, you may find some comfort in mom of three Katherine Heigl's approach to screen time.

She recently told People her daughters, 6-year-old Adalaide and 9-year-old Naleigh are (like most kids) big fans of iPads, but Heigl isn't beating herself up over it.

"It's okay. It's not the end of civilization as we know it, I promise," she told People.

While Heigl admits that she may need to curtail the girls' tech use a bit, "so much of that use is reading," she explains. "They're reading, they're playing educational games. I don't allow them to scroll through YouTube videos and stuff; I put some limits on that."

Recently, Heigl was hanging out in her living room with her daughters, her husband Josh Kelley and her teen niece, Madison. Everybody had a digital device in their hand, and for a moment, Heigl felt that screen time guilt.

"And then I went, 'Oh, wait a minute — Naleigh and Madison are playing Words With Friends against each other, so essentially they're playing Scrabble, just without the board on the table. Adalaide is coloring on her iPad, Josh is reading the news and I'm reading a book," she said.

"We're all doing things that we would be doing to entertain ourselves, we're just doing them differently than we did them 20 years ago."

Screen time (both ours and the next generation's) gets such a bad rap in some parenting circles, but Heigl makes a very good point: Not all screen time is equal. Using a coloring app on the iPad isn't the same as zoning out in front of egg unwrapping YouTube videos, and reading a book on our phone is a different experience than scrolling (and scrolling and scrolling) through Instagram.

Matthew Johnson, the Director of Education for MediaSmarts, a not-for-profit charitable organization for digital and media literacy, previously told Motherly that while any screen time isn't really developmentally appropriate for toddlers, by the time kids are in elementary school, it's not so black and white, and parents should consider what kids are doing during screen time rather than just how much they get.

"Specifically, instead of counting hours you might consider a creative use of screens—doing an animation project or doing school research—as being counted differently than using it in a passive way."

It sounds like Heigl is finding the middle ground when it comes to her kids' screen time. She doesn't allow phones and iPads at the dinner table, or in her kids' rooms. "I don't allow them in the bedrooms, like, 'Charge them at night where I can see them,'" she says.

Thrive Global founder Arianna Huffington previously told Motherly that keeping phones out of the bedrooms and off the dinner table is an important part of teaching kids good "phone hygiene" and that, "Phones, like all technology, should augment our humanity, not consume it."

Heigl's family enjoys plenty of device-free outings together, so using a coloring app or letting the kids play Words with Friends isn't the end of the world in her world.

Sometimes, mama just wants a few minutes to sit and read her book (even if that book is on a phone), and allowing some limited iPad use allows her to do that.

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