Anyone who has ever had young children is keenly familiar with the holiday struggle of packing up the kids, the car, and yourself and making the rounds to visit your extended family. But what about Mother's Day? Should moms with young kids feel obligated to visit Grandma on that day, too? This viral TikTok says...NOPE.
That's not to say we don't love our mothers and mothers-in-law who are now, proudly, the best grandmas. Of course we do! The role grandmothers play in our family makeup is invaluable. But one mom is asking us all to hear her out on her "unpopular" opinion about Mother's Day—and honestly, it may not be that "unpopular" at all.
"Regarding Mother's Day, if you're a grandparent, you need to step down," TikTok user @sophiraft begins in her now-viral video. And while that may sound harsh initially, she does an excellent job of explaining the nuances of this stance.
"If your daughter has babies, let her partner or the father of her kids spoil her for the day," she continues. "And if your son has babies, let him spoil his wife or partner or mother of his kids that day. It is not about you anymore."
Something so many of us can relate to is that feeling of obligation, and being "fair." If you go to one side of the family for a holiday, you feel like you have to do the same for the other side. She says that when we do this, especially for Mother's Day, we never really get a day to celebrate ourselves.
"So step down, grandmas," she concludes. "It's time."
Personally, one of the biggest stressors and anxiety triggers for me (and my husband as well) is packing up the entire family to go somewhere, especially if it disrupts our usual routine. Mealtimes are off, nap times are missed, other people's houses aren't baby- or toddler-proofed, and it can be so stressful. Years ago when my oldest daughter was one, we decided that we were going to have an "open-door policy" for holidays—our door is always open, and anyone is welcome to come by and visit, but we won't be going anywhere else. It's too difficult and not worth it for us to expend our energy that way—unless we choose to because we want to.
In some follow-up TikToks, Sophi assures commenters that she's close with her mother and her mother-in-law, and even sees them and speaks to them multiple times per week. She's just sharing her thoughts about the One Day.
She also reminds her audience that it's easy to forget what it's like to raise young children in the "trenches" of motherhood, and that we don't often get moments (let alone days) that are about us at all.
I don't have a relationship with my own mother, so the holiday itself is complicated for me and my own emotions. My mother-in-law is a beloved Nana to my girls, and we will celebrate her too—sometimes we celebrate together, sometimes we don't—and that's okay!
When my daughters are grown and if they choose to become mothers themselves, I will understand and respect their wishes for how they want to spend their special day. Just daydreaming about the faraway scenario of being a grandmother fills me with so much joy that I couldn't fathom getting upset over Mother's Day. Because I love them, and I know they love me. And we can celebrate each other anytime we want to.