The truth about miscarriages? No one really knows what it's like until they're dealing with one firsthand—and no two experiences are alike.
Whitney Port may have made a name for herself on reality television, but in recent years, she's made headlines time and time again for raw web series "I Love My Baby, But…", in which she opens up about her rough pregnancy and struggles as a new mom. Now The Hills star is getting real about a topic many, many women know all too well: Miscarriage.
Whitney, who is a mom of one, shared that she lost a pregnancy two weeks ago. That admission is brave in and of itself, but what really sets Whitney's story apart is the way she openly discusses her complicated feelings towards the pregnancy loss. And while so many women out there won't relate to what she's experiencing, we're pretty sure her sentiments will really resonate with others.
The truth about miscarriages? No one really knows what it's like until they're dealing with one firsthand—and no two experiences are alike. Whitney prefaces her story by acknowledging that.
"I know of plenty of people who have not had children yet or have had to go through IVF and long processes of trying to get pregnant who this has happened to and it has been completely devastating," she says on a recent episode of her podcast, With Whit. "I feel for them and I would feel the same way if I were them. But I have a different journey and a different experience."
Whitney goes on to admit that she always felt "ashamed" when people asked when she'd have a second child—she simply didn't know if she wanted another. But then she became pregnant for a second time after getting off her birth control. Her immediate reaction to the pregnancy? She was excited to give her son, Sonny, a sibling, but she was also really scared. When she started bleeding and visited her doctor, she was placed in the limbo of not knowing whether or not her pregnancy was viable.
"I honestly feel like a complete monster for saying this, but when I found out the pregnancy was possibly not [viable], I thought to myself 'maybe this is sort of a relief.'...There was part of me that was like 'if this isn't going to happen, I think I'm okay with it.' And I didn't want to tell [my husband]," she says.
Shortly after this, Whitney received confirmation that she would miscarry. Opening up about the experience could not have been easy for Whitney. We understand how vulnerable she must have felt, and we know she must be scared of offending mothers who have had totally different reactions to their own miscarriages. But this is important: Maybe people out there will see this and realize they aren't alone.
No one should ever feel guilt or shame after a pregnancy loss, but in reality? These two tough emotions factor in for so many women.
Take Meghan McCain, who recently shared her own feelings of guilt following her own loss. "I blamed myself. Perhaps it was wrong of me to choose to be a professional woman, working in a high-pressure, high-visibility, high-stress field, still bearing the burden of the recent loss of my father and facing on top of that the arrows that come with public life," she writes in a New York Times op-ed. "I blamed my age, I blamed my personality. I blamed everything and anything a person could think of, and what followed was a deep opening of shame."
But miscarriage is not a personal failing. It just happens. So if you're dealing with self-blame or guilt and shame after a miscarriage, know you're not alone and that it is not your fault.
"The biggest thing I want anyone to get out of this is that whatever reaction you have to a miscarriage is okay," Whitney says. "Whether you are a little bit relieved, whether you're devastated. Whatever it is—[you should not] overanalyze or feel guilty for how you're feeling."
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