9 phrases Montessori teachers use to build resilient kids

While we can't possibly protect our children from all of the hardships and challenges life brings, we can help them cope with these difficulties.

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@hanni/Twenty20

While we can't possibly protect our children from all of the hardships and challenges life brings, we can help them cope with these difficulties. We can help build their resilience starting at a very young age.

In its simplest form, resilience is the ability to bounce back. It is something we hope and strive to instill in our children—but at the same time, it can seem like an elusive and vague term.

According to educational research, resilience impacts social skills, a child's desire to try academically, autonomy, problem-solving skills, awareness of and reactions to injustice, and a person's sense of purpose. That's a pretty big impact.

The same research found that resilience is fostered by loving relationships, high expectations, and the chance to participate and contribute in a meaningful way. The good news is that these are all things you can work on at home—but how exactly?

Here are nine phrases Montessori teachers frequently use to help children develop this valuable quality.


1. “That was hard, but you did it!”

Directly acknowledging a child's efforts helps bring their awareness to the fact that they can do things, even when they're hard.

Whether it's swimming across the whole swimming pool, reading a book for the first time, or putting their shirt on all by themself, help your child pause and reflect on how they overcame the struggle and accomplished the goal, even if it wasn't easy.

Each time you do this, it solidifies their view as someone who can overcome obstacles and do hard things.

2. “I want you to try, but I’m right here if you get stuck.”

Your reaction to your child's struggles helps establish their identity and the way they see themselves. If you rush in too quickly to rescue them, it sends the message that you think they're not capable.

On the flip side, if they become too overwhelmed by a challenge and feel alone in the struggle, they may not want to try again in the future.

Make it clear that you expect them to try, and you think they can do it, but that if they're really stuck, you're right there to help. With this reassurance, they will be more able to focus on the task at hand and do their best work. If your little does wind up needing help, offer the least assistance possible to help them be successful.

For example, if they're trying to write their name and getting upset because it's too hard, help them remember which letter comes next instead of taking over and writing it for them.

3. “Who could you ask for help?”

Ask open-ended questions to help your child develop problem-solving skills. Each time they find a solution to a seemingly insurmountable problem on their own, they will gain greater confidence in their ability to overcome challenges.

If your child loses their teddy bear, ask where they could look before you find it for them. If their pencil breaks, ask what they could do to solve the problem instead of handing over a new one right away.

The more confidence they have in their own ability to solve problems, the more likely they are to keep their cool and recover quickly when something distressing happens.

4. “Do you remember when tying your shoes was so hard?”

Children learn new skills literally every day, but it's so easy for them to forget how far they've come. Help your child feel a sense of mastery by reminding them of all of the skills they have already figured out.

For instance, if you see them swinging happily on the swing set, remind them that just last year they were so frustrated because they didn't know how to pump their legs by themselves. Bringing attention to the progress your child has made emphasizes that their own efforts play a huge role in overcoming obstacles.

5. “I need your help.”

No matter how young your little is, find ways for them to help you, to contribute in a meaningful way. Whether it's folding laundry, cooking dinner, or putting together a new bookshelf, telling your child that you need their help sends the message that they are a valuable, capable member of the family.

This type of view of one's self goes a long way when real challenges emerge.

Showing your child that you have confidence in their ability to contribute builds confidence. Telling them you need their help is also an excellent way to model that it's okay to ask for help when you need it.

6. “Which part can I help with?”

If you see your child really struggling, ask how you can help. This gives the child such a different feeling than when an adult rushes in and rescues them, solving the problem for them.

Offering to help, and specifically letting the child decide how you can help, is a collaborative process. It lets them know that they are not in it alone, that it's okay to need help, and that even really big problems have solutions.

Showing your child that help is available when they need it will help them not freak out when problems arise.

7. “You look really upset, would you like help talking to your friend?”

Social situations offer many opportunities to practice resilience. Whether their best friend said something mean or they feel left out of a game, you can help your child process their feelings and see that there are options other than wallowing in sadness.

You don't need to solve the question of "who had it first," or elicit any apologies, just help your child tell their friend how they feel. Help to ask for what they need, whether it's a hug, a chance to play together later, or simply to express their emotions.

This type of help gives your child the tools they need to face and recover from tough social situations.

8. “That was hard for me, but I did it. I feel proud of myself.”

To children, it can seem like everything is so easy for us since so many of our struggles are silent, or happen when our children are sleeping or at school.

Try to share some of the (non-scary) challenges you face with your child and let them know what you did to adapt to the tough situation or cope with disappointment.

Try something like, "My friend had to cancel lunch today and I was so disappointed. It made me kind of sad but I'm going to see if she can have dinner with us instead."

Show that everyone, even mom and dad, faces setbacks and that there are things you can do about it to make the situation better.

9. “Do you need to take a break?”

If you watch your child carefully, you can often see when they're about to pass the limit of what they can handle. Step in and ask if they need a break.

Help fill their toolbox with things they can do when they feel overwhelmed. You might ask if they would like a drink of water, suggest they do 10 jumping jacks with you, take five deep breaths, or even go for a short walk outside.

Show your child that there are tools they can use to reset, apart from giving up or having a complete meltdown.

Resilience takes time, and so much patience, to build, but it is a quality that will serve your child well for their entire life.

This article was first published on July 18, 2018.

The HATCH Mama collection is everything your pregnant body needs right now

Their oil is the only thing that stopped my belly from itching as it grew bigger.

Conz Preti

Let me start by saying I'm not a fan of moisturizing. I hate being wet and sticky and after applying product to my body, I have to stand around awkwardly until I'm fully air-dried—a practice that is not compatible with having three kids under the age of 3. However, as someone who has carried three children in her body, I also know how much your belly needs hydration as the baby grows.

This was especially true with my second pregnancy. My belly popped way sooner (a thing that happens with subsequent pregnancies) and on top of that, I was carrying twins, which meant I became super pregnant super fast. My belly was itching constantly from the skin stretching (I checked with my doctor to make sure I didn't have Cholestasis) and there was no scratching in the world that could ease my discomfort. My doula recommended the HATCH Mama belly oil and changed my life. The oil is nourishing—but more important to me, quick-drying—so I could apply it all over my planet-sized twin belly and get dressed immediately after without having my clothes ruined nor stuck to my body. Because of how much I loved the oil, I tested other products, and let me tell you, they're all equally amazing.

Curious about the HATCH Mama collection? All of their products are non-toxic and mama-safe, designed to help pregnant people overcome the challenges unique to pregnancy. As their website claims, "from stretch marks to thinning hair, to sleepless nights, we're helping you tackle every prenatal and postnatal beauty issue head-on so you can continue to feel like the best version of you." I'm here for all of this. For the entire Hatch Beauty collection click here.


Here are my favorite products from HATCH Mama:


Belly oil

HATCH COLLECTION  Belly Oil

Intensely hydrating + fantastic at reducing the appearance of stretch marks and scars, this will be your favorite through pregnancy + beyond.

$58

Belly mask

HATCH COLLECTION  Belly Mask Set

Not only does it help to minimize the appearance of stretch masks + scars during pregnancy + postpartum, but there is a little non-toxic wink (and that's to you, mama.)

$42

Nipple + lip ointment 

HATCH COLLECTION  Nipple + Lip

Calming + soothing, this magic sauce is lanolin-free & made of tropical butters and super fruits. I'm not lying when I say you will not want to stop using this, even way after birth.

$28

Belly tattoos

HATCH COLLECTION  Belly Tattoos

A very rock and roll way to honor your bump. And non-toxic + plant-based at that!

$18

This article was originally published in March 2021. It has been updated.

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Motherly created the flexible online birth class moms need

The Motherly Birth Class is completely online, which means you can take the class at your own pace.

Taking a birth class is a pregnancy milestone. Whether you've been excited to take a birth class for a long time or have just recently decided that you wanted to take one, sitting down for that first lesson feels big—spoiler alert, this is really happening! But finding time for a birth class isn't as easy as it would seem.

We know new parents are busy (hello, understatement of the year). Between diaper changes, pediatrician appointments, healing from birth and the general adjustment to #newparentlife, the days can fill up quickly. But a lot of people are caught off guard by how busy pregnancy can be, too! That first trimester is so often full of symptoms—like nausea and fatigue—that can make previously easy or simple tasks exhausting. The second trimester begins and (usually) we start to feel better. But then our days get filled with planning out baby registries and deciding on questions like, "Where will this tiny new human sleep?" And before you know it, it's the third trimester—and, well, then you're in the home stretch. Plus there are so many appointments!

All this to say that we get how busy you are—and how hard that might make it to fit in a birth class.

And that's why we created The Motherly Birth Class. The Motherly Birth Class is completely online, which means you can take the class at your own pace.


Think you'll want to watch each lesson a few times over? Great!

Due date's next week and you need the option to take a birth class very quickly? No problem!

Like everything at Motherly, we designed this class with you in mind.

Taught by Certified Nurse-Midwife Diana Spalding (who also wrote "The Motherly Guide to Becoming Mama"), this class is broken into 12 lessons—and you get to control how and when you watch them. We'll teach you about what your (amazing) body is up to in labor, how to decide when it's time to head to the hospital or birth center (or when to call your home birth midwife), what your options are for coping with pain and so much more.

When you sign up for The Motherly Birth Class, you'll get access to a downloadable workbook and meditations. Plus, you'll be invited to join our supportive private online community (where you can chat with the class instructor!)

Oh, one more thing: Your insurance or flexible spending account might even able to able to cover the cost of this class.

Pregnancy is wonderful—but it's a lot. You deserve a birth class that works for you and empowers you to have your best birth. Because vaginal or Cesarean, unmedicated or medication, birth is incredible. And you are the star of it all.

You've got this.

Sign up for The Motherly Birth Class today!

The Motherly Birth Class

pregnant-woman-looking-at-her-belly

Take our completely digital birth class from the comfort of your living room. We'll help you have your best birth—because you deserve it.

$79

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14 toys that will keep your kids entertained inside *and* outside

They transition seamlessly for indoor play.

Keeping kids entertained is a battle for all seasons. When it's warm and sunny, the options seem endless. Get them outside and get them moving. When it's cold or rainy, it gets a little tricker.

So with that in mind, we've rounded up some of the best toys for toddlers and kids that are not only built to last but will easily make the transition from outdoor to indoor play. Even better, many are Montessori-friendly and largely open-ended so your kids can get a ton of use out of them.

From sunny backyard afternoons to rainy mornings stuck inside, these indoor outdoor toys are sure to keep little ones engaged and entertained.


Secret Agent play set

Plan-Toys-Secret-agent-play-set

This set has everything your little secret agent needs to solve whatever case they might encounter: an ID badge, finger scanner, walkie-talkie handset, L-shaped scale and coloring comic (a printable file is also available for online download) along with a handy belt to carry it all along. Neighborhood watch? Watch out.

$40

Mini golf set

Plan Toys mini golf set

Fore! This mini golf set is lawn and living room ready. Set up a backyard competition or incorporate into homeschooling brain breaks that shift focus and build concentration.

$40

Stepping Stones

Stepping-stones

Kiddos can jump, stretch, climb and balance with these non-slip stepping stones. The 20-piece set can be arranged in countless configurations to create obstacle courses, games or whatever they can dream up.

$99.99

Wooden doll stroller

Janod wooden doll stroller

Take their charges on a stroll around the block with this classic doll stroller. With the same versatility they're used to in their own ride, this heirloom quality carriage allows their doll or stuffy to face them or face the world.

$120

Sand play set

Plan Toys sand set

Whether you're hitting the beach or the backyard sandbox, this adorable wooden sand set is ready for action. Each scoop has an embossed pattern that's perfect for sand stamping. They're also totally suitable for water play in the wild or the bathtub.

$30

Sensory play set

kidoozie-sand-and-splash-activity-table

Filled with sand or water, this compact-sized activity set keeps little ones busy, quiet and happy. (A mama's ideal trifecta 😉). It's big enough to satisfy their play needs but not so big it's going to flood your floors if you bring the fun inside on a rainy day.

$19.95

Vintage scooter balance bike

Janod retro scooter balance bike

Pedals are so 2010. Balance bikes are the way to go for learning to ride a bike while skipping the training wheels stage altogether. This impossibly cool retro scooter-style is built to cruise the neighborhood or open indoor space as they're learning.

$121

Foam pogo stick

Flybar-my-first-foam-pogo-stick

Designed for ages 3 and up, My First Flybar offers kiddos who are too young for a pogo stick a frustration-free way to get their jump on. The wide foam base and stretchy bungee cord "stick" is sturdy enough to withstand indoor and outdoor use and makes a super fun addition to driveway obstacle courses and backyard races. Full disclosure—it squeaks when they bounce, but don't let that be a deterrent. One clever reviewer noted that with a pair of needle-nose pliers, you can surgically remove that sucker without damaging the base.

$16.99

Dumptruck 

green-toys-dump-truck

Whether they're digging up sand in the backyard or picking up toys inside, kids can get as creative as they want picking up and moving things around. Even better? It's made from recycled plastic milk cartons.

$22

Hopper ball

Hopper ball

Burn off all that extra energy hippity hopping across the lawn or the living room! This hopper ball is one of the top rated versions on Amazon as it's thicker and more durable than most. It also comes with a hand pump to make inflation quick and easy.

$14.99

Pull-along ducks

janod-pull-along-wooden-ducks

There's just something so fun about a classic pull-along toy and we love that they seamlessly transition between indoor and outdoor play. Crafted from solid cherry and beechwood, it's tough enough to endure outdoor spaces your toddler takes it on.

$16.99

Rocking chair seesaw

Slidewhizzer-rocking-chair-seesaw

This built-to-last rocking seesaw is a fun way to get the wiggles out in the grass or in the playroom. The sturdy design can support up to 77 pounds, so even older kiddos can get in on the action.

$79.99

Baby forest fox ride-on

janod toys baby fox ride on

Toddlers will love zooming around on this fox ride-on, and it's a great transition toy into traditional balance bikes. If you take it for a driveway adventure, simply use a damp cloth to wipe down the wheels before bringing back inside.

$79.99

Meadow ring toss game

Plan Toys meadow ring toss game

Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.

$30

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20 Halloween costume ideas for the whole family

Because dressing up isn't just for kids!

@one_fancy_cookie/Instagram

Dressing up for Halloween isn't just for kids! There are so many creative ideas that are fun for everyone—the whole family can participate. If you're in the market for the best family Halloween costumes, you're in luck. Instagram is prime real estate when it comes to creative Halloween costume ideas for every member of your family (even the four-legged ones).

Make trick-or-treating all the more fun with coordinated costumes for your entire fam! From of-the-moment pop culture references to tried-and-true classics, we've got you covered.

Here are the top family Halloween costumes, according to Instagram:


Under the Sea, Disney-style

Cruella and her beloved Dalmatians 

Zoinks! Jinkies! A family mystery adventure

It's a Mario Party!

Corpse bride, but make it cute

A 'Yabba Dabba Do' Halloweek

An easy-peasy Halloweenie (family PJs are the BEST)

A Victorian vampire family is ALWAYS in style

Old MacDonald had a farm, alright

The cutest 'Nightmare Before Christmas' ever

A 'Greased Lightening' gang!

Family love, to infinity and beyond!

An absolutely 'Pooh'-tiful Halloween idea!

Because parents love 'Descendants' just as much as kids do

The force will be with you always in these costumes!

A 'derby'-lightful Halloween idea for your inner Horse Girl

Super suits for the whole 'Incredible' family!

Those baby sharks aren't as harmless as they look (this family NAILED it)

Winner, winner, Princess Bride dinner (OMG those R.O.U.S. costumes)

What can we say, except 'You're Welcome'

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