A reel posted on Instagram by Abbie Hightower (@ab.hightower) with 435K views captures something many new parents dread: the clash of expectations with a mother-in-law who expects to visit immediately postpartum versus a new mom who really just wants her own mother nearby during one of the most vulnerable times in a woman’s life. 

Hightower, 25, mom of three (Salah, 4; twins Solen & Sirae at 11 months) with husband Christopher, 27, acts out both sides of the conversation. The mother-in-law wonders why she hasn’t been invited; Hightower’s character responds gently but firmly that she needs her own mother in those early days. 

Why the reel resonates

Hightower explains that the postpartum stage is “super emotional and difficult,” a period marked not only by physical recovery after birth but also by dramatic hormone shifts and the demands of caring for a newborn.

She notes that many of her skits are inspired directly by the messages and requests she receives from other moms navigating these same challenges, which makes her content resonate all the more.

For her, boundaries aren’t a luxury but a necessity—something to be discussed as early as pregnancy so that the postpartum experience can unfold in a way that truly supports a new mother’s needs.

Related: Olivia Culpo reveals the postpartum care every new mom deserves

The internet weighs in

The comments quickly became a chorus of recognition, humour, and sometimes blunt honesty from moms and parents-to-be who had lived through the same push-and-pull with extended family.

  • Jephonica said: “Don’t worry, when your son pushes a baby out his snatch you can be responsible for his care dear mother-in-law.”
  • deyanira_r22: “She keeps telling you “MY MOM” lol. She’s my mom. Mom that birthed her lol.” 
  • Abbtastic00: “With MY mom, I get meals cooked for me and I get help getting dressed because I needed it. With you, I had to cook YOU a meal and host while you told me you were surprised with how big I still looked.”
  • Silent.echo.03: “This is my first pregnancy and im boutta piss people off with hard boundaries, prolly gonna end up gentle parenting people older than me.”

Expert framing: Why boundaries during postpartum are protective, not selfish

To understand the importance of what Hightower is highlighting, a few facts from mental health research:

  • Support matters hugely. According to Psychology Today, one in five women experience mental health complications during pregnancy or postpartum. Lack of social support or feeling disconnected increases the risk of perinatal mood disorders. 
  • Boundaries reduce stress. As per an article in Midtown Toronto Therapy, is about setting boundaries postpartum emphasize that when a mom can minimize unwanted stressors—e.g. too many visitors, unclear expectations—it protects her emotional well-being and helps with healing.
  • Emotional regulation is fragile in this time. Research on “postpartum rage,” mood swings, anxiety, etc. shows that hormonal fluctuations, sleep deprivation, and overwhelming responsibility combine to raise emotional reactivity. Being able to control what comes into one’s environment (including who visits, when) aids stability.

Related: How setting boundaries helped me be a more present mom, colleague and boss

The bigger picture: Protecting the postpartum bubble

Hightower’s skit may be played for laughs, but its popularity points to a deeper truth: the early days after birth are sacred, and moms deserve to shape that time in ways that make them feel safe and supported.

Whether that means asking for only their own mother, limiting visits, or redefining what “help” really looks like, boundaries are about protecting healing, bonding, and mental health. For grandparents and extended family, the most meaningful gift might not be early access to the baby, but the willingness to respect a new mom’s needs and show up in the ways she actually finds helpful.

Source:

  1. Psychology Today. 2024. Supporting Your Postpartum Partner.”
  2. Midtown Toronto Therapy. The Importance of Setting Boundaries During Postpartum.”