Home / Parenting Motherhood is life-changing but that doesn’t mean you need to disappear @titovailona/Twenty20 I didn’t realize I was running on empty, until I had a massive temper tantrum—or nervous breakdown—depending on who you ask. By Brenda Fadeyibi September 1, 2017 @titovailona/Twenty20 Rectangle My first example of motherhood was my own mother. Until I became one myself, I never stopped to think about how much she put into ensuring we were fed, clothed and protected. I grew up watching her cook meals for us almost daily—even with a demanding full-time job. She went to sleep late and rose early, with hardly any complaining. I never saw her simply kicking with her girlfriends, never saw her come home from the store with things just for herself. Our mom was always thinking of us first. I never thought about what that did to her mentally, throwing herself fully into the care of her family without taking real time for herself. When I had my own son, her example of motherhood was emblazoned on my mind and I saw myself falling into her footsteps. I didn’t realize I was running on empty, until I had a massive temper tantrum—or nervous breakdown—depending on who you ask. I’d been really busy, as all mamas are, and didn’t realize I hadn’t taken any time for myself until a friend wanted to hang out last minute. The baby was at daycare, so I didn’t have to worry about childcare. But as usual, I had a long list of errands to do. I hoped to get most of it done before meeting my friend for desperately needed girlfriend time, but as the morning went on, I could feel the stress building up. I was mad at my husband for some reason or another and the anger magnified as the stress rose. The errands suddenly seemed like a mountain of motherhood just blocking my path and before I knew it, I lost it. I dropped dramatically onto the pile of dirty laundry and cried and cried. I cried for my social life, or lack thereof. I cried for all the sleep I wasn’t getting. I cried for the loss of my independence. I cried because I needed help and I wasn’t asking for it. My Supermom cape was around my shoulders and it was slowly choking the life out of me. It was a wakeup call for me when I realized I was taking care of everyone else and leaving myself out. Last week, I went for lunch and margaritas with a girlfriend. Although we both have kids, it was grownup time only. With my fellow mom friend, we talked about all things baby—breastfeeding, fatigue and gently laughed at our well-meaning but sometimes clueless husbands. It was nice to know I wasn’t the only one experiencing the daily struggles of being a mother. Then a few days later, I had drinks with my book club while the baby was home with his father. With these friends I reunited with my old self—the person I was before baby. I sipped Prosecco while laughing about missteps in the dating world and commiserating on typical work issues. As the familiar feeling of tipsiness spread over my body, I realized I needed and deserved more of this. Both encounters, with different groups of friends, nourished my neglected soul. The change in my mental well-being after taking time for myself was astonishing. I yelled at my husband less for his perpetually messy ways and I had more patience for my wildly active thirteen-month-old especially on the days he refused to take naps. On the surface, nothing much really changed amid motherhood. I didn’t magically get more sleep at night and a housekeeper did not mysteriously appear to clean my house. Turns out, spending time on myself gave my body the reset button it needed so I could continue to be a good partner and mother for my loved ones. In fact, the simple act of wearing an outfit not designed for how fast I can whip a boob out was invigorating. Motherhood is life-changing but that doesn’t mean the person I am must completely disappear. The moral of the story is—you can’t pour from an empty cup, mama. Otherwise you might find yourself sobbing in the middle of dirty laundry. Related Stories Parenting What is FAFO parenting? The viral trend changing how kids learn responsibility Parenting Teddy bears aren’t just for kids—why comfort objects might help adults sleep better too Parenting This dad never saw it coming—How his daughter used Alexa to outsmart him Categories: Parenting Related articles News Mom fires back after being judged for appearance: ‘Since when did looks define good parenting?’ February 18, 2025 Postpartum This viral text is changing how we support moms who just had a baby February 4, 2025 Holidays 10 things stealing your holiday joy (and how to ditch them) December 23, 2024 News Jessie J shares the bittersweet reality of toddler motherhood: ‘People stop checking in on you as much’ December 17, 2024 News Amanda Seyfried says taking time for herself feels ‘selfish’ as a mom of two—here’s why it’s actually essential December 12, 2024