The joys and frustrations of non-native bilingual parenting

My daughter tells everyone proudly that she and her mommy speak Spanish. She’s three years old, and loves counting to “cinco”, singing along with “los pollitos,” and cooking “piña” and “salchicha” in her play kitchen. As a parent it’s been amazing to witness her young brain teasing out the differences between the two languages and on occasion adorably mixing the two syntaxes (“I’m going to the sala!” “Are you taking me a bath tonight daddy?”). 

In the end, choosing to raise my children bilingually in my non-native language has been an incredibly joyful experience. However, bilingual parenting as a non-native speaker can also be a complicated and difficult journey at times, as many other bilingual families and experts can attest.

Kaila Diaz, a bilingual educator and founder of Bilinguitos, says she knew right away that she wanted to raise her daughter bilingually, even though she’s a non-native speaker herself. Diaz’s parents had encouraged a love of language in her from a very young age and she noted that decision in turn influenced her own language choices when speaking with her daughter too. 

“If she wasn’t bilingual I wouldn’t be able to share my whole self with her,” Diaz reflected, noting that bilingualism is a bond her entire family shares.  

Diandra Morse, a social worker and bilingual educator and advocate, notes that prioritizing connection first is one of the best ways to encourage engagement with a “target language,” or language that a family is striving to incorporate. 

“Connection is the heart of bilingualism, it’s our guiding star,” Morse says. “As a therapist and as a social worker, I know that kids connect best when we make things fun for them, we make them age appropriate and we make it playful.”

Claudia Serrano Johnson, a Bilingual Speech-Language Pathologist, also notes that, if possible, creating a community for children that includes peers their age who speak the target language can be game-changing for bilingual families. 

For some, this may translate to seeking out structured activities or schools that allow their children to experience immersion in the target language. James Berry, a father raising his daughter to be bilingual, said that he and his wife, a native French speaker and the only native source of the language at home, sought out a French immersion preschool for their daughter for this very reason. 

“I feel like the American system [of education] really only pays lip service to foreign languages,” Berry added, explaining why they pursued immersive language education for their daughter. “We start foreign languages at a similar age as they do in other countries, but the results just aren’t there.”

Berry and his wife are committed to raising their daughter bilingually, hoping she’ll one day speak the language fluently and maintain meaningful relationships and connections with her French-speaking grandparents. 

For many parents, helping their children form meaningful relationships based in the target language remains challenging, especially for families lacking access to local sources of in-person language education, or who live in areas where residents primarily speak English. 

“It’s like finding a unicorn,” Serrano Johnson says of encountering other children in her community that aren’t automatically English dominant, “but if it’s possible, it’s so, so meaningful for a child.” 

Serrano Johnson stresses the importance of varied input, noting that as a native Spanish speaker herself, she still leans on additional resources to support her family’s language goals. 

“Exposure to native input is really beneficial, whether that’s as simple as audio books, or music, or doing screen time in the target language. That’s native input that you can include without having any fancy resources,” Serrano Johnson says. 

Diaz says that one of her favorite resources for native input is their local library where she seeks out books written by native speakers. And if you don’t see any books in your target language when you visit your local branch, Diaz says securing titles can be as simple as asking.

“Libraries are more willing to buy bilingual books than we realize,” Diaz says. “So many people have told me that they went to their library to request books, thinking it would be through an interlibrary loan, and the library staff replied ‘great! We actually have an entire budget set aside for buying books, but we didn’t know what to buy.’”

Diaz also remembers that her parents incorporated travel in her language learning toolkit from a very young age. While visiting family abroad, Diaz’s parents would often make time to take her to neighborhood playgrounds so she could hear other young people playing in and interacting in the target language. 

“For me, knowing that there were other children whose entire world is in Spanish, that it’s not just this thing that they sprinkle in, was really formative,” Diaz says of the immersive play experiences she had as a child. 

While international travel can offer an incredible window into world cultures and languages for young children, Morse notes that it’s also possible to find these sources of immersive input closer to home. Whether she’s visiting a local restaurant where the owners speak Spanish, or engaging with the language when she’s running errands, she’s constantly finding new ways to share Spanish with her children.

“It can even be as simple as when you go to the grocery store, go to the Latin/Spanish aisle,” Morse says of showing her curious four year old examples of the language in everyday life. “I can talk about the food, the names, the labels—everything’s in Spanish!” 

While research shows that exposing children to different languages from a young age offers myriad benefits, both for linguistic and cognitive development, many myths surrounding childhood bilingualism persist. 

“The most common myth is that children will get confused, but it’s simply not true,” says Serrano Johnson. “I think the reason why it’s so common is we think about bilingualism from the point of view of an adult and not a child. Typically developing children are capable of understanding the nuance and navigate the differences between languages.” 

Another particularly resilient myth Serrano Johnson addresses in her work is that bilingualism causes language delays in children. 

“You will not find an expert in bilingualism who will support that bilingualism causes delays,” Serrano Johnson says, adding that bilingual children, just like their monolingual peers, can still experience speech delays, and that parents who have concerns should never refrain from seeking support. 

Amid all these considerations, it’s essential to remember that not every family comes to bilingualism through choice. For those families like mine who are fortunate enough to see bilingual parenting as optional, addressing that privilege with our children can offer an important avenue for advocacy. 

“It’s important to understand the difference between appropriation and appreciation,” Serrano Johnson says of families choosing to incorporate a language at home that they may not have cultural ties to. 

“Some kids will be celebrated for speaking a different language, and some kids will be discriminated against,” Morse says. “When we teach our kids another language, even from a place of privilege, we’re teaching them to be social justice warriors in the future. We’re creating empathetic, worldly children who have a better chance of understanding someone else’s difference and someone else’s culture. That’s a huge benefit of bilingualism, that ability for kids to be empathetic, and stand up for others. I love that.”

In the end, for many non-native speaking families, bilingualism holds an emotional connection for them and is a gift they’re eager to pass on to their own children, even in spite of the difficulties they may face along the way.

Berry said that even in its imperfections, his bilingual journey with his daughter is worth it. 

“I think the effort we put in now will pay off dividends later on,” Berry reflects. “Having the language at this young age will make all the difference later on if we stick with it.” 

Morse notes it can be helpful for parents to approach the process of raising bilingual children as we would any other skill, and not get discouraged. 

“I know that bilingualism isn’t an easy road,” Morse says. “So if someone is choosing that for their child, I’m here for it. Our world benefits from our kids speaking multiple languages and relating to each other. That connection we create when we choose that journey is so powerful.”