You don’t have to play to be a good mom at the park

This viral post says it’s okay for moms to sit at the playground — here’s why it struck a nerve

Credit: Instagram / free.as.a.mother

A lot of moms—especially those raising toddlers, juggling multiple kids, or just quietly trying to hold it together—felt deeply seen by that “no.”

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When Amanda Castillo, a licensed therapist and mom of three, posted a short Instagram reel responding to the idea that “parents at the park should get off the bench and play with their kids,” she offered a calm, clear, one-word rebuttal:

“NO.”

The comment section lit up.

The moment carried the weight of a collective exhale. A lot of moms—especially those raising toddlers, juggling multiple kids, or just quietly trying to hold it together—felt deeply seen by that “no.” Not because they don’t care about connection. But because somewhere between packing the snacks, finding the missing shoe, and dragging everyone to the playground, moms were told that even here, they should be entertaining.

Amanda wasn’t having it.

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A post shared by Amanda (@free.as.a.mother)

In her caption, she explained that while her youngest is 2.5 and sometimes needs help, the playground isn’t a stage where moms need to perform.

“God forbid we… let the playground be for kids. A space where they get to experience some freedom, explore, interact and engage with other children without their parent breathing down their neck.”

Amanda—who describes herself as “a trauma-informed holistic therapist and coach, supporting women in healing from complex trauma”—clarified that she’s not anti-play. She’s simply saying: you don’t have to be the adult scaling the playground to be a good parent.

Moms are allowed to sit down

Many moms already arrive at the playground running on empty. They’ve done the prep work. They’ve met everyone else’s needs. Sitting on the park bench—iced coffee in hand—is not apathy. It’s presence with boundaries.

And it’s deeply supported by child development philosophy. According to the American Montessori Society, independence, self-direction, and uninterrupted play are essential to how children grow. Dr. Maria Montessori wrote in The Absorbent Mind:

“As soon as concentration has begun, act as if the child does not exist.”
(The Absorbent Mind, 1949)

This doesn’t mean being hands-off. It means knowing when not to step in—and trusting that your presence nearby is enough.

Rest is not a moral failure

Amanda’s reel resonated because it named the pressure so many moms feel: the constant push to be “all in” at every moment, even in the places that were supposed to be breaks. It touched a nerve because moms are exhausted—and not just physically.

According to a 2024 Gallup report, 81% of working moms managing caregiving and professional demands reported feeling burned out. That’s not about attitude—it’s about infrastructure. In a country with no national paid leave and limited childcare, moms are holding the line. And then being told they’re not holding it enthusiastically enough.

You don’t have to play to be present

There is no single right way to be a good mom at the playground. Some parents love running and climbing and swinging. Others connect through quieter rhythms. Amanda’s message was never anti-engagement—it was anti-guilt.

“I’m not saying to never intervene, play with or support your kiddo,” she wrote. “I’m just highlighting here that IT’S OKAY if you don’t want to be the adult scaling the playground!”

I am a loving mom. A patient mom. I am an understanding mom. I am (occasionally) a “let’s get ice cream after school” mom. But I am not the kind of mom who enjoys getting on the ground to play with my kids, or who chases my kids on the playground in a game of tag, or who relishes time spent doing childhood games. If you are, I think that’s awesome. But to be honest, that’s just not me. Which is why I was relieved to see this viral Instagram reel validating moms like me—ones who are happy sitting with an iced coffee on the park bench, watching my kids from a distance.

Here’s how I see it: Kids need time to free play, with other kids. They need time to unwind without a parent trying to directly engage or stimulate them. And while it’s clear that parent-child bonding time is important, I’ve also found it helpful to try to find activities to do with my kids that I actually enjoy. Nail salon with my daughter? Yes please. Paddington movie in theatres? Done. Cooking breakfast with my son? Love it. Moms have a right to enjoy themselves along the way, and shaming them for not loving every aspect of motherhood is not helping anyone.

Let the kids play. Let us rest.

Amanda’s video didn’t go viral because it was divisive. It resonated because it was honest. A gentle reminder that mothers are human beings—not cruise directors.

So go ahead. Sit down. Watch from a distance. Text your friend back. Sip the iced coffee you bought three hours ago. Let your kid climb and fall and figure it out. That’s parenting, too.

Because presence doesn’t always mean performance. And good moms can sit down.

Categories:

Parenting, Child, Child Learn & Play