"When I don't parent with grace and instead react out of anger or frustration, I
feel terrible, especially because it probably could have been prevented if I had gone to bed
earlier the night before."
For many years, I've devoted myself completely to my children, believing it was
best for them. But you can't pull water from an empty well, and this past year my well went
dry.
For a few hours Kate didn't have to do our emotional labor or be the default
parent. No one asked her to make his brother return a toy or to check the tone in an email. She
didn't have to perform appreciation for a breakfast in bed we would have made wrong. For one day,
she didn't have to take care of anyone.
When my kids receive a gift from their grandparent, it's the grandparents I
watch, not my kids. When the presents produce squeals from the kids' mouths, I can't escape the glint in my parents' eyes. Who am I to stop that?
Maybe if we actually believed the things we say, the entire structures of our
lives, vocations, and relationships would feel less tenuous. We'd believe that even if they got
knocked down, we could put them back up just the same as before but with the weaker areas
reinforced, stronger in the long run.
My daughter's failure to acquiesce to so-called expert advice heralded the
beginning of a new way of living, for both of us. One that strives to work with her
needs, rather than struggle against them.
Wise men and women have been telling us for centuries that the present moment is
all there is. We don't have yesterday anymore, and tomorrow is not yet here. This
second is literally all we have.
