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When thinking about how to encourage your children to eat healthier, the focus is usually on what children are eating. Are they eating too many sweets? Are they eating fruits and vegetables? Do they get enough protein?


But too often we miss the bigger picture.

Our role as parents is much more important than just serving the right kinds of food. Our job is to help our children foster a healthy relationship with food.

Unfortunately, many of us do not have the most healthy approach to eating, which can lead to medical and mental health concerns in the long run. How do we avoid passing these pitfalls onto our children? How can we help them establish a life-long relationship with food that is positive, healthy, and sustainable?

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Believe it or not, these lessons can start as soon as your children first begin eating or can be learned as older children. Helping children learn how to positively engage with food will set them up with healthy eating habits that will stick with them for life.

Here’s how:

1. Food is not “bad”

No food is bad food. Ice cream, chocolate, you name it. None of it is bad…it’s food. If we label food as bad, what does that say about us when we eat these “bad” foods?

Our children should not be expected to eat a perfect diet. Yes, the goal should be for your child to eat a healthy diet, but there are always holidays, celebrations, birthday parties, or random days when junk food comes out. Labeling food as “good” or “bad” sets your children up for failure when they do eat these foods, as they inevitably will.

2. It’s okay to eat sweets...sometimes

Sweets and treats should be enjoyed in moderation. So when your children do have the opportunity to eat special food, encourage them to enjoy the experience and avoid any associated guilt.

When my children come home from a birthday party and happily report the vastness of their sugar binge, I may cringe inside, but I respond, “I hope you enjoyed it,” “I bet it was delicious,” or “What a special treat.” When I’m with them and there is a special dessert, I encourage them to savor what they have—take small bites and chew slowly. It is easy to hastily shovel in dessert and ask for seconds.

Help them enjoy different aspects of what they are eating. Ask them what flavors they taste or what textures they feel on their tongue. Teaching them to become connoisseurs can add to their enjoyment of food and help them feel satisfied with the portion they receive.

3. Be a role model for food exploration

If you want your children to try new foods, model this behavior! Most of us have at least one food that is not a favorite. For me it’s eggplant. I eat almost every other vegetable at the store. Although it is tempting for me to never prepare eggplant, I try to incorporate it into our family meals. This shows my children that there are foods I do not love, but am willing to try. My expectation of them is the same one I have for myself.

4. Teach your children to eat until they are full, not stuffed

When eating, there is a time delay between when our stomachs are full and when our brain tells us we are. During this lag, we continue to eat, which may lead to becoming overstuffed.

Helping children decipher when to stop eating is an important and difficult lesson, but tapping into that innate sense of satiation is a crucial step for lifelong health. Many of us as adults may struggle with this ourselves and it is especially difficult when there is a delicious meal on the table. Talk with your children about finishing a meal when they are comfortably full as opposed to stopping when stuffed. These are two very different feelings.

At meals, encourage your children to monitor how their tummies feel and determine if they are full enough. If there is a favorite food on the table, let them know they can always have the leftovers for lunch the next day..

5. Don’t use food as rewards, punishments or as a method of stopping poor behavior

Food has three main functions: Nutrition, social engagement and emotional input. We need a certain amount of nutrients to survive, so we eat. We eat as a method of socially interacting with family and friends or during special occasions and holidays. Food also provides emotional input…we enjoy eating good food.

Withholding food for poor behavior or offering it for good behavior places an importance on food that muddies the purpose of it. This includes pulling out snack food when a child is crying to stop a tantrum or providing food as an activity to avoid boredom. In the short-term, it may work to calm behaviors, but in the long-term, it incorrectly casts food in a role that is inappropriate.

Disclaimer: I do make a few exceptions to this rule. For example, sometimes, during the initiation of toilet training, a small treat can successfully motivate a child to use the potty. But it should be time-limited and faded out as soon as possible.

6. Get help and support if you need it

If you have an unhealthy relationship to food, get the support you need so you can feel confident in helping your children establish a healthy relationship with food. This is not easy, but helping yourself first will better equip you to support your children.

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Try this: Write down your name and those of your parents and then your children. Then locate each letter of each name on the keyboard and note if it is located on the left or right side (use T, G and B as the middle line).

There should be more left-side letters in yours and your parents' names and more right-side letters in each of your children's names. Weird, huh? That's what some scientists thought, too, so they set out to determine why and discovered a similar pattern across five languages.

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