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I clearly remember listening to my then 2-year-old daughter as she was comforting her doll. She sounded out the cries of her doll and followed it with, “I got you. You’re safe.”


My heart was melting as she gave her doll the same care I gave her when she would cry from a scraped knee or when feeling frightened. I realize now that this is a form of empathy, as she was empathizing with her “crying” baby and using what had comforted her when she had cried.

As parents we often get caught up with academics—feeling that children must learn how to read early on and solve math problems to succeed—but we forget about the life skills that are needed and not learned in a school book.

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Empathy is one of them. Some might think that an empathic child would just be a sensitive child wearing their heart on their sleeve.

Although that may be true at times, empathy is also a skill that allows us to take perspective of others in efforts to understand one another and problem-solve in our relationships with the people we work with, live with, and love.

As parents, we have the opportunity to help our children begin building the skill from a very young age.

This is not necessarily easy, especially if we did not have a grown-up to empathize with us when we were little and instead told us to “buck up,” “stop crying” or expressed embarrassment around our expression of our feelings.

Whether or not you have received empathy in your childhood or now, you can still show your child the genuine feeling of empathy and help them build this life skill.

Here are four steps you can take to guide your child towards successful relationships:

1. Be a model

By modeling empathy and showing our children respect, we are able to tremendously impact our children’s actions towards others.

Modeling empathy towards our children and others helps our children pick up this skill more quickly, as they observe and then do what we do. They are watching as we interact with our partner, our in-laws, and even our cat.

Remember, though, that our children are experiencing every bit of empathy that we are or are not modeling as we interact with them too.

2. Name the feelings

When we can help our children name feelings of others, we are one step closer to helping them understand others. When we describe how the child at the store may feel “sad” because they didn’t get the toy they want or may be tired or how a character in a book was upset when their friend did not want to share a toy, we are starting to help them relate as they recall when they were sad or upset too.

Not only is it important to give them the words for the feeling, but then have a conversation (or a monologue if your child is really young) on what the child may need. For example, “They might feel better if they got a hug or a quiet place to get some rest.”

3. Be patient

We cannot push empathy on our children through forced apologies, so you might want to preserve your energy there. As Dr. Laura Markham described in Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids, forcing children to apologize does not lay the groundwork to encourage them to repair their relationships at their own will. In fact, we may be just having them learn how to avoid getting into further “trouble” or making them feel bad about themselves without understanding the perspective of the other.

Both Dr. Daniel Siegel and Dr. Markham recommend calming the mind and connecting with the child before engaging in problem solving or discussion around the issues that occurred.

Surely you can recall how hard it is to address something when you are at the height of your emotions. As parents, we need to provide some guidance in not only problem solving the main issue, but also prompting our children on how to calm down at times so that they have the capacity to engage in problem solving.

4. Take space

This one is for you. In our efforts to take care of our children and everything else, we forget to give ourselves some empathy and understanding. Somehow many of us treat ourselves as superheroes, as we do not take breaks from work, do not work with our supports to develop a plan to address our own needs, and for some, practically neglecting themselves.

Please remember you too deserve that empathy and understanding, as you are working so hard to be there for your child. And know that by taking better care of yourself you are allowing your child to have more of you… more of the best of you.

Here’s to you, as you continue to find new ways to be there for your child. You are wonderful.

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As a mid-Spring holiday, we never knew exactly what to expect from the weather on Easter when I was growing up in Michigan: Would we get to wear our new Sunday dresses without coats? Or would we be hunting for eggs while wearing snowsuits?

Although what the temperature had in store was really anyone's guess, there were a few special traditions my sister and I could always depend on—and it won't come as a surprise to anyone who knows me that my favorite memories revolved around food. After all, experts say memories are strongest when they tie senses together, which certainly seems to be true when it comes to holiday meals that involve the sounds of laughter and the taste of amazing food.

Now that I'm a parent, I'm experiencing Easter anew as my children discover the small delights of chocolate, pre-church brunch and a multi-generational dinner. While I still look forward to the treats and feasting, I'm realizing now that the sweetest thing of all is how these traditions bring our family together around one table.

For us, the build-up to Easter eats is an extended event. Last year's prep work began weeks in advance when my 3-year-old and I sat down to plan the brunch menu, which involved the interesting suggestion of "green eggs and ham." When the big morning rolled around, his eyes grew to the size of Easter eggs out of pure joy when the dish was placed on the table.

This year, rather than letting the day come and go in a flash, we are creating traditions that span weeks and allow even the littlest members of the family to feel involved.

Still, as much as I love enlisting my children's help, I also relish the opportunity to create some magic of my own with their Easter baskets—even if the Easter Bunny gets the credit. This year, I'm excited to really personalize the baskets by getting an "adoptable" plush unicorn for my daughter and the Kinder Chocolate Mini Eggs that my son hasn't stopped talking about since seeing at the store. (You can bet this mama is stocking up on some for herself, too.)

At the same time, Easter as a parent has opened my eyes to how much effort can be required...

There is the selection of the right Easter outfits for picture-perfect moments.

There is the styling of custom Easter baskets.

There is the filling of plastic eggs and strategic placement of them throughout the yard.

But when the cameras are put away and we all join together around the table for the family dinner at the end of the day, I can finally take a deep breath and really enjoy—especially with the knowledge that doing the dishes is my husband's job.

This article was sponsored by Kinder. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.


Our Partners

I was blissfully asleep on the couch while my little one was occupied elsewhere with toys, books and my partner. She got bored with what they were doing, escaped from his watch and, sensing my absence, set about looking for me. Finding me on the couch, nose-level, she peeled back my one available eyelid, singing, "Mama? Mama? ...You there? Wake UP!"

Sound familiar? Nothing limits sleep more than parenthood. And nothing is more sought after as a parent than a nap, if not a good night's rest.

But Mother Nature practically guarantees that you are likely to be woken up by a toddler—they're hardwired to find you (and get your attention) when you're "away."

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According to attachment theory, when you respond to the needs of your child, a strong bond is formed and woven into their personality, serving as a basis for all future emotional ties. So your kids love and depend on you. And they can feel anxious when involuntarily separated from you, like when you are asleep.

Child psychologist Esther Cohen suggests that it is fairly universal that infants and toddlers try to open the eyes of their sleeping parents. Her theory is that when you are present, but with your eyes shut, you are not responsive, and on some level this causes your child a form of "emotional distress." So the best and easiest way for them to feel better is to wake you up.

Cohen believes that reestablishing eye contact bridges the gap between your physical presence and your emotional presence, making the situation feel normal again. Your kids are relieved that you are alert and there to interact with them—and that you are available to protect them.

Kids are hardwired to seek our attention all the time.

At birth, your brain is only about 25% of its adult volume. Born particularly vulnerable, you depend on years of loving care. This prolonged helplessness has resulted in the evolution of certain behaviors—like baby coos, smiles and crying—that increase your odds of survival within your family.

By the toddler age, they've developed a sense of who you are and what you can do in relation to people, and realize when they are separate from their parents. Toddlers also have what's called object permanence—they can understand who or what is, or is not, present. That means they'll search for objects and people. (And wake you up when they find you.)

Bottom line: When you sneak off for a nap and your toddler looks for you, know that this is a natural instinct for them, and they will grow out of it. But for now, when you are asleep, you are not there, so your kids must. wake. you. up.

And for an extra fun fact: Research indicates that this also could be why it's so hard for you to ignore your partner when working from home. They are there, but technically not available, so you

continually find reasons to interact with them—just like waking them up from a nap. 😉
Life

Navigating family dynamics during or after a divorce is already a tremendous challenge. Throw a highly transmittable virus and a global pandemic into the mix, and many parents will be left with more questions than answers. Matters of custody, financial stability and mental and emotional health take on new significance—and new challenges—under these circumstances. But you can do it, mama.

As a divorce attorney, I've worked with numerous families during these past weeks, in various stages of the divorce process, all of whom are learning to navigate and negotiate unfamiliar dynamics created by the coronavirus pandemic.

Here are my tips for co-parenting in the context of COVID-19.

1. Show children that you are calm.

Parents know better than anyone how perceptive children are. Even so, we often forget how our moods and anxieties can unintentionally affect our children. To keep the calm in the household, let children see things are under control: Ensure that potential disagreements with your co-parent are kept in conversations between the two of you (not in front of the kids), and give yourself time and space to manage your own stress and anxiety. Stressed children mean stressed parents—and the principle applies in reverse as well.

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2. Be transparent with your co-parent.

Communicate as openly and honestly as possible with your co-parent about yourself and your children. Keep your co-parent updated about you and your children's location, home education and health (physical and emotional). It is critical that, in the case of an emergency and in everyday life, both parents be fully aware and in sync regarding children's whereabouts and welfare. Transparency breeds trust; secrets breed mistrust and animosity.

3. Keep your rules.

Because this moment feels so uncertain and some of our regular norms have fallen by the wayside, there can be a tendency to let other household rules start to slide. Make sure everyone remembers their responsibilities within the family.

School might be at the kitchen table now, but having children make their beds, get dressed and brush their teeth in the morning helps maintain a sense of normalcy that can be helpful for children when things seem tumultuous. Maintain chore schedules, eat dinner together and continue to follow rituals and rules that remind children (and parents) of the responsibilities we have.

4. Consult your health care provider when disagreements arise.

If you disagree on social distancing measures, I usually advise both parents to telephone their child's pediatrician or health care provider and agree ahead of time to follow their advice. Parents can also consult the CDC measures and agree to follow those protocols. Educating your co-parent can be the most helpful thing to do now.

If you are divorced and work with a parenting coordinator, they may also be a helpful resource. If not, a third party, like a mutually trusted friend or relative can serve as an impartial mediator to help you come to a reasonable agreement.

5. Maintain boundaries.

For parents and children in this time, it is important to maintain a degree of personal space. Many of us have been directed to self-quarantine, and isolation is not easy. The nationwide efforts to keep us apart in order to contain the virus have put many of us in closer contact with those around us than we may be accustomed to.

Constant shared space and time can certainly introduce new stress into an already tense environment. While these small measures may not seem significant, taking time to yourself to be alone—even just in a separate room—can be healthy and good for group morale. Take a walk, do some yoga, whatever it looks like, take care of yourself as a parent right now.

Be flexible with your co-parent.

Flexibility, transparency and reasonableness need to be at the forefront of all decisions. Remember that this is an unprecedented situation, and it calls for flexibility, especially in scheduling.

Both sides need to be reasonable if someone becomes ill, of course. If your co-parent can't travel due to illness, then you need to be understanding about this issue and work with them to provide makeup time for the future. But the situation also calls for transparency by the parent who is sick. That parent should provide the information necessary to make the co-parent feel comfortable that they have appropriate resources and are taking proper precautions to keep children and adults safe and healthy.

Plan ahead.

While immediate concerns may be taking center stage right now, planning for the future has never been more crucial. Make time to sit down with your current or ex-spouse and take stock of your respective finances, your job security and your co-parenting schedule management as soon as possible, and create a plan (and a backup plan) for going forward. Though it may not be comfortable, transparency with your current or ex-spouse is essential.

Be smart, plan ahead and above all, stay safe.

Love + Village

As a mom of three and former social worker working for many years in the fields of adoption, Sara Ester of Sara Liz Photography knows firsthand the importance of family time. When she learned that families all over the country are self-isolating due to the coronavirus outbreak, she knew it was the perfect time to capitalize on moments of connections. Her mission was simple: promote family time to ease stress and promote happiness.

Liz reached out to dozens of families on social media asking if they would like to be photographed on their porch for a "Front Porch Session" and the responses were huge.

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Photo by: Sara Liz Photography

"Amid all the COVID-19 stuff going on I asked if families would be interested in a quick five-minute session on their front porches to document what a crazy experience it has been to be quarantined at home," Ester told Popsugar. "The people participating ran with it! So many families made funny or encouraging signs, showed up in their pajamas or yoga pants, and just really embraced the whole 'quarantine chic' idea. It was really reaffirming to see how everyone is in the same boat. We're all just trying to do the best we can with a crappy situation!"


Photo by: Sara Liz Photography

We're living in perilous times and it's nice to see families using the lockdown as an opportunity to bond. After all, it doesn't matter how big or small your house is, it's the love inside that counts.

Photo by: Sara Liz Photography


"Photography, specifically documentary photography is a big part of how I see and function in the world a lot of the time," Ester shared in an Instagram post. With everything being so overwhelming the last week or so, it has helped me to also keep in mind that what we are dealing with is historical."

News

Do you want to get cardio in with a spin class? Are you dying to tighten your core in a boxing class? Or are you ready to get rid of unwanted stress and frustration in a yoga class? Unfortunately, coronavirus social distancing regulations won't allow you to attend a public fitness class, but many brands are offering free workout sessions at a time when staying home is more important than ever.

Whatever your fitness goals are—there are apps to help you get there. Think of it as a free personal trainer at your fingertips while you wait out the pandemic.

Whether you're just getting started on your fitness journey or you're a proud workout pro, these free fitness apps and livestream workouts will help you burn calories throughout the day:

1. Barry’s

Looking for a high-intensity class that will give you the results you've been looking for? Try Barry's IGTV at-home workouts for the ultimate workout. They are offered twice everyday. No equipment necessary.

2. YMCA

If you miss the energy from your local YMCA classes, you're in luck. Download YMCA 360 for free on-demand fitness videos for you and your family. Now you can get in shape—and stay active—with the classes your most familiar with.

3. 24 Hour Fitness

Download the 24GO fitness app for over 1,500 digital and audio-coached workouts that will make you sweat a ton. Simply tell it what equipment you have (even if you don't have any) and it'll give you heart-pumping exercises with instructional videos, reps and sets.

4. Peloton

Interested in the Peloton brand but not quite ready to drop cash on the bike? We hear ya, mama. Peloton also offers an on-demand app with thousands of workouts like yoga, cardio, strength that don't require a Peloton-branded bike or treadmill. Try a 90-day free trial via your iPhone, iPad, or play on your TV via AirPlay or Chromecast.

5. Lululemon

The uber-popular athletic clothing brand's retail stores may be closed, but you can head to their Instagram stories for daily at-home yoga workouts and meditations from their beloved ambassadors for quick lessons.

6. Blink Fitness

If you're feeling like you need a good workout before the kids wake up, check out Blink's live-streaming workout videos on Facebook at 8 am EST Monday through Friday. Plus, fitness junkies will love the tips to help you stay motivated and answer your burning workout questions.

7. Nike Training Club

To help support athletes around the world, Nike Training Club is offering 185 free workouts on its app (ranging from 15 to 45 minutes) to help everyone stay active and positive during these trying times. Be sure to tune in every Saturday for NTC community workouts with Nike master trainers on YouTube Live. And, of course, you must spend some time browsing the store on the app to pick up some super chic gear.

8. Class Pass

Get ready to feel the burn from any room in your home. Stream thousands of live or on-demand workouts—from yoga to strength training to HIIT—from Class Pass studios around the country. Download the free app on the App Store or Google Play for core-burning workouts that'll feel like your kicking it with a friend.

9. Rumble

Boxing devotees will appreciate Rumble's daily Instagram Live shadowboxing and HIIT workouts. To be fair, this isn't your typical 10-round, 45-minute boxing class from a Rumble studio filled with flashing lights and a DJ, but if you're planning to sweat it out, you've come to the right place.

10. Fitbit

Fitbit, makers of the fitness smartwatch, extended its premium trial period to 90 days. Download it to your watch and you'll enjoy guided programs, advanced sleep tools and of course, thousands of workouts.

11. Tone It Up

If your pregnant and feeling like you can't get in on the at-home workouts, think again. Tone It Up app is offering free fitness classes, nutrition plans and recipes and is even including special courses for pregnant mamas. New users will get 30 days for free, and if you decide to continue the service it's $14.99 a month.

Lifestyle
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