Trust is the key to a secure bond with your child

I choose trust over all else. 

Trust is the key to a secure bond with your child

Parenting is the most challenging job you will ever have and can truly be the most rewarding. It is often those things that push us to question our perceptions, thoughts, and our own values that help us grow into stronger and wiser human beings.

As humans we are cursed and blessed with the ability to reflect on our thoughts and feelings, unlike animals. As a result, we are often able to make changes for the better and improve our relationships with others and ourselves.

In raising our children we have the opportunity to develop new insights and perspectives, if we take the time to reflect on and consciously choose our parenting strategies.

I have come to question everything I have learned before becoming a parent, as it started to make less and less sense to me. Those ideas that I had once accepted because of “proof” that they work are no longer accepted by me, as I see that a change in a child’s behavior on the surface is not necessarily helpful in building my relationship with my child.

I now choose trust over all else.

There is misunderstanding though, around honoring the child and building a trusting relationship. Some people take it to mean that you must help your child be happy at all times by giving them what they wish.

This in fact is not honoring the child or building trust, since a child depends on an adult to provide them with safety and guidance. This is such a challenging point for many parents as they often go between being rigid and firm or soft and overly flexible.

Part of building trust is helping our children understand their emotions and cope with them because they have not yet developed this ability at such a young age.

For example, after having given your child adequate warning that bedtime is nearing say something like, “I know you are upset that playtime is over. It is time for us to rest, so that we can be ready to play again tomorrow. Would you like story time or songs while we cuddle tonight?”

There are a couple of things happening in this example:

  1. You are not budging on bedtime
  2. You are providing hope and assistance to ease coping with this transition.

Depending on the age of the child this statement may look different.

Sometimes parents feel the need to raise their voice or repeat themselves when children have difficulty in coping. This does not serve the relationship of trust you want to build with your child, as there is no clear guidance.

Keep in mind, the brain does not fully develop until about the mid-20s and some say even age 30. Thus, we cannot expect for a child to not show their emotions in a dysregulated state. That is part of their growth right now… with our help they learn to self-regulate. We are helping them wire their brain to understand how to cope.

Some people grow up learning to shut off their emotions and this often pops up in some unwanted way later in life.

On the other hand, consistently adjusting boundaries we draw shows the child that we are unsure of ourselves and makes them less likely to feel safe with us.

Would you feel safe if your guide through a wild animal camp was not sure which way to go? You may wonder if this example is too extreme, but truly for a young child we are talking about if they perceive the world and their caregiver as safe.

I am glad to see many new sources of parenting strategies that are in the form of parents guiding their children through life, so that they do in fact learn the skills needed for lifelong success.

It is important for parents to also remember that there is no “perfect” parent. I say this often to parents that I work with because we often feel the pressure to respond in the best possible way, but we are at times not our best selves.

Luckily, we can practice stopping ourselves in that moment, reflect on our thoughts and feelings, and go back and repair our connection or discuss our mistakes openly as they come about so that we can model how to be perfectly imperfect.

This 'mama' necklace is a bestseller for a powerful reason

There's a lot going on in the world right now, but one thing that's certain? You're still mama.

There's a lot going on in the world right now, but one thing that's certain? You're still mama. No matter what is going on at work, what decision you make about heading back to school, or how you're caring for your family right now, we know you're the best mama for your family.

So in case you need a little reminder of just how incredible you are, we love this sweet necklace from Tiny Tags. And other mamas do, too, because it's been one of our top sellers for weeks.

Whether you're coveting it for yourself or want to gift it to your favorite mama, it's one of those gifts that'll keep on giving years later. It's dainty enough to easily layer with just about anything you have in your jewelry collection, but is just as beautiful as a standalone piece to wear daily. And in these tough seasons, it's honestly a gentle, much-needed reminder that you were made for this. You can do hard things. You are doing the best you can even when it feels like you can't make one more decision.

Tiny Tags script 'mama' necklace

tiny tags mama necklace

The charm is 1/2" long and the chain is 16", falling just above most mama's collarbones. All Tiny Tags personalized jewelry is laser engraved by highly skilled artisans to make the most elegant pieces.


And, don't worry, it's totally low-maintenance. Simply polish with a polishing cloth every now and then for extra shine. Now to decide: gold or silver?

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.


Products that solve your biggest breastfeeding challenges

Including a battle plan for clogged ducts!

When expecting a baby, there is a lot you can test-run in advance: Take that stroller around the block. Go for a spin with the car seat secured in place. Learn how to use the baby carrier with help from a doll. But breastfeeding? It's not exactly possible to practice before baby's arrival.

The absence of a trial makes it all the more important to prepare in other ways for breastfeeding success—and it can be as simple as adding a few of our lactation aiding favorites to your registry.

MilkBliss chocolate chip soft baked lactation cookies

MilkBliss lactation cookies

Studies have shown the top reason women stop breastfeeding within the first year is because they are concerned about their milk supply being enough to nourish baby. Consider MilkBliss Lactation Cookies to be your secret weapon. Not only are they wholesome and delicious, but they were formulated specifically for breastfeeding moms based on the science of galactagogues—also known as milk boosters. They also come in peanut butter and wild blueberry flavors.


Evereden multi-purpose healing balm

Evereden multipurpose healing balm

Also up there on the list of reasons women stop breastfeeding: the toll the early days can take on nipples. Made from just five ingredients, this all natural healing balm is ideal for soothing chafed nipples, making for a much more comfortable experience for mama as her body adjusts to the needs of a breastfeeding baby.


Lansinoh milk storage bags

Lansinoh milk storage bags

For a breastfeeding mama, there are few things more precious and valuable than the milk she worked so hard to pump—and it's the stuff of nightmares to imagine it spilling out in the fridge. With these double-sealed milk storage bags, you can be assured your breastmilk is safe and sound until baby needs it.


Belly Bandit bandita nursing bra

Belly Bandit bandita nursing bra

Nursing a baby is a 24/7 job, which calls for some wardrobe modifications. Because Belly Bandit specializes in making things more comfortable for the postpartum mama, they've truly thought of every detail—from the breathable fabric to the clips that can be easily opened with one hand.


boob-ease soothing therapy pillows

Boob Ease soothing therapy pillows

For nursing moms, duct can quickly become a four-letter word when you suspect it's getting clogged. By keeping these soothing breast pillows in your breastfeeding arsenal, you can immediately go on the defense against plugged milk ducts by heating the pads in the microwave or cooling them in the freezer.


Belly Bandit perfect nursing tee

Belly Bandit perfect nursing tee

A unfortunate reality of nursing is that it can really seem to limit the wardrobe options when you have to think about providing easy, discrete access. But by adding functional basics to your closet, you can feel confident and prepared for breastfeeding on the go.


Bebe au Lait premium cotton nursing cover

Bebe au Lait cotton nursing cover

Nursing in public isn't every mama's cup of tea. But babies can't always wait until you've found a private place to get down to business if that's your preference. That's where a nursing cover comes in handy. This one is made from premium cotton and features a patented neckline that allows for airflow and eye contact even while you're covered.


Lactation Lab basic breastmilk testing kit

Lactation Lab breastmilk testing kit

Curious to learn more about the liquid gold you're making, mama? The testing kit from Lactation Labs analyzes your breast milk for basic nutritional content like calories and protein, as well as vitamins, fatty acids and environmental toxins to help boost your breastfeeding confidence.


We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this


In Montessori schools, parents are periodically invited to observe their children at work in the classroom. I have heard many parents express shock to see their 3- or 4-year-old putting away their own work when they finish—without even being asked!

"You should see his room at home!" or, "I ask him to put his toys away every day, and it's a battle every single time" were frequent comments.

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