It can be hard enough at times to keep the romance alive after you’ve been with your partner for a long time. Then you mix in planning sex around your ovulation cycle, and sex that was once lively and fun can turn (dun dun dun) stressful.
When everything and everyone seems to be telling you how and when to have sex (I’m looking at you, fertility apps, ovulation calendars, doctors and the lunar cycle), the act of sex itself can seem tedious. Creating a life should be intoxicating and primal, full of excitement, thrills and anticipation. But… we are only human. We get stressed and overworked, and we easily forget the little wonders of everyday life.
Trying to conceive can be an emotional and sometimes difficult time for couples. But remembering to keep the passion and enchantment alive while trying to become pregnant can make a world of difference for your relationship and your well-being.
Here are 3 ways to keep the romance alive when making a baby.
1. Remember: Sex is not a chore.
If you start to dread when it’s time to get sexy with your loved one, sex has become more of a chore than a joy. A chore is a hard or unpleasant task. No one likes doing chores. Now compare this to your sex life. Hitting home a bit?
When an added stress is put on sex, like trying to conceive, it can drain all the romance from the process of making love. Outside voices (in the forms of apps and calendars) just exacerbate the issue. So of course intercourse is going to seem like something else to check off the to- do list.
Try changing your internal dialogue.
Sex is not just a kissy-face emoji on your iCal four times a month (but it is a little bit ?.) It is an incredible opportunity to connect with your partner on the most intimate levels. It’s also an opportunity to have fun and feel good!
Try changing your internal dialogue. Instead of thinking, “We HAVE to have sex tonight. I’m ovulating, his sperm is jumpin’ and the moon is full,” try this instead: “I am so excited about having sex tonight, and the possibility of making a child only intensifies things. Let’s do this!”
2. Be kind to yourselves.
As hard as it may be, try not to put too much pressure on the actual act of sex. Every couple’s conception story is unique. Some might need those outside tools to help them along. That’s okay!
After seeing close friends struggle with conceiving, I know the heartbreak, tears and frustration that can come with trying to have a child. Yes, sometimes it can be extremely difficult to just “take it easy.” But the more positive energy you put toward intercourse, the better your chances of conceiving.
Stress affects fertility.
Recent studies have found that stress hurts fertility. So instead of looking at sex as a means to an end, try to look at it as a stress reliever. In addition to feeling awesome, lowering blood pressure and burning calories, sex and orgasms help reduce stress and chill you out.
3. Don’t be afraid to switch things up a bit.
Nothing kills a sexy vibe more than doing it at the same time, in the same place and in the same position every time. To keep the amour alive, switch it up!
Try hotel sex.
Your next splurge: a room for the night at a fancy hotel near you. Get room service, bring your own bubbly and berries and role-play all night. A new location and a new identity (just for one night!) can make for quite a scintillating romp.
Use an app.
Download a sex position app and try two or three suggestions per night. There are plenty of free apps available that walk you through everything from the Kama Sutra to cowgirl.
Reconnect with your partner.
Spend an evening making a favorite meal, drinking a favorite cocktail and reminiscing about great memories, including some of your more adventurous moments in the bedroom. Then re-create that night down to the last detail, even if it means breaking out the tequila… and the handcuffs from that old Halloween costume.
The point is: Have fun. This is a magical time in your relationship. Soon you will be squeezing in a quickie between feedings and messy baths, so take advantage while you can!