Being pregnant is an incredible lesson in surrendering control

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My first experience with anxiety and PTSD was at age 12. September 4, 2001 my family visited the observation deck of the World Trade Center. It was beautiful and a memory I hold so dear to my heart. I can still remember the feeling of experiencing the breathtaking views of our city. A few days after our visit, the unimaginable happened. Even after all these years, I still view my life as pre 9/11 and post 9/11. Since that day, I developed an unhealthy obsession with the news and my anxiety spiraled out of control.

When I finally got the help I needed I spent the next few years in therapy which helped tremendously, but eventually, I slowly stopped going and tried to deal with my anxiety on my own.


Fast forward to this past year.

After six months of marriage, my husband and I decided to start trying for a baby. To prepare for this major life event I knew I had to get some control over my anxiety, so I found a therapist and started weekly sessions. The biggest lesson my therapist taught me was how little control I have over most situations and to always stay mindful and accept feelings and events as they happen.

I had no idea how much I would need the tools she was giving me in the upcoming months during my pregnancy.

I found out I was pregnant a few months into therapy. I was confident I had the tools to manage my anxiety and felt I had a good game plan to keep it under control. Less than two weeks after finding out we were expecting our first child, my husband was laid off from his job. Subsequently, we lost our insurance since it was the last day of the month. Panic set in.

The first seven months of pregnancy were difficult.

After the layoff came morning after morning of nausea and vomiting, several breast biopsies after a lump was found, then a major health scare at 25 weeks.

After spending a morning in excruciating pain I went to urgent care, then was rushed to the emergency room due to a 7mm kidney stone blocking my ureter and causing my kidney to swell more than it already does during pregnancy. Almost four days of pain later, I under went emergency surgery to place a stent in my ureter to relieve the blockage of urine going from my kidney to bladder. Not only did my pregnancy complicate the surgical procedure, but we found out I was born with a congenital defect that resulted in a duplicated system. Most people have one ureter but I have two and it has been affecting the kidney with the blockage.

A week after my surgery was my 28 week checkup and I learned I had gestational diabetes. I felt like I had been knocked down again. I immediately burst into tears.

My midwife was so kind to me. She balled her hand into a fist and placed it into my open palm and said, “This is your power. It’s yours to have back.” It was a small gesture that had a big impact on me. In this moment I felt empowered and I felt like she helped piece me back together. This was a pivotal part of my pregnancy journey.

Despite all the bumps in the road, I knew I had to deal with the situation given to me and so far I was doing a pretty good job, so now was not the time to lose it.

I spent the next few weeks adjusting to monitoring my blood sugar and getting used to a stricter diet. (All of this probably for the best since I needed to get a handle on my sweet tooth anyway! ??)

I am currently 32 weeks and had to have a nephrostomy tube placed to further protect my affected kidney. The nephrostomy tube is a catheter that drains urine from my kidney through my back into a collecting bag that attaches to my leg. I currently have two draining tubes and collection bags.

(If that doesn'’t sound fun to deal with on top of 30 extra pounds, pelvic pain, impending labor and delivery, than I don'’t know what does! ?)

But, I refuse to give up my power.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t spent days crying thinking “Why is this happening?” or allowing myself a little pity party here and there. Because, to be honest, at times I feel like my body is failing at something it was built to do. Throughout all of this, I kept thinking “What am I doing to my baby?”

I’ve had to reel myself back in, become mindful and take it one breath at a time.

Jumping ahead of ourselves is something we are prone to do, especially being pregnant. It is so easy to start questioning the “what ifs?”

I am learning that the best thing I can do for myself and my baby is to have a sound mind.

To find something that brings you peace, something that will comfort you during the scary times. Let’s face it—pregnancy can be scary even if you are experiencing a completely typical pregnancy. Our bodies go through unimaginable changes. Nothing can prepare you. I am surrounded by some amazing, strong women who had seemingly uncomplicated pregnancies and births—I had no reason to believe I would be any different.

During this journey I decided to turn to my faith.

My faith has given me strength and has helped me surrender my control (that I never actually really had) and to trust in the process. It won’t be the same for every woman, of course. Maybe you will chose art, yoga, writing, or knitting. Pick something that when you feel the overwhelm coming on, you can turn to and bring your mind back to the task at hand. ?

This pregnancy has been a lot to go through, but I have no other choice. And I know so many other women are walking a similar (or more complicated) path than me. I am calm in knowing that the end result will be the greatest gift of my life. My heart is full of love when I think about my husband holding our daughter. I am brought to tears when I feel my baby moving inside my womb.

This is all worth it.

Trying to conceive and experiencing the ups and downs of pregnancy are the two biggest lessons in surrendering control (which I hear, you have to do as a parent, too.) We don’t have control over perfect timing or unexpected twists and turns. Our only option is to take things as they come.

Oh and—never, ever google anything. Like...ever. ❌

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It's time to go shopping for your little ones mama. Not long ago we shared the super sale on Hunter boots for us moms, and now the super colorful and water proof boots are on sale for kids! Perfect timing as Spring is approaching and there will be a lot of puddle jumping in our futures.

The sale is up to 50% off in select styles, but in all the colors of the rainbow! We don't know how long the sale will last so act fast because some sizes are already on low stock!

Here are our favorite styles to shop from the sale:

The original grab handle boot in light blue

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The classic gloss boot in blue

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Chelsea boot in yellow 

Original Big Kids' Gloss Chelsea Boots

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The original grab handle boot in pink

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The camo boots

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Jessica Simpson's life seems perfect. She has three beautiful kids, a wildly successful career, a seemingly solid marriage...she has it all, at least as far as we can see. But recent revelations prove that no one really knows what anyone else is secretly dealing with—and Jessica, by her own admission, has been struggling with alcohol issues.

The singer-turned-business-woman recently sat down with TODAY's Hoda Kotb, and it will air on NBC's TODAY Wednesday morning.

"I had started a spiral and I couldn't catch up with myself…and that was with alcohol," Jessica explained. "I would say it openly to everyone. 'I know. I know, I'll stop soon. I'll cut back'," Jessica continued when asked if she realized things were getting out of control. "For me to cut back, like I'm an all or nothing girl, and so I didn't know it was a problem until it was...I completely didn't recognize myself…I always had a glitter cup. It was always filled to the rim with alcohol."


She's hardly alone. The rise of #winemom phenomenon is well documented and many parents struggle with substance abuse problems. But Simpson's story proves there is a way to get your life back.

Simpson quit drinking in 2017 after she found herself unable to get her kids ready for a Halloween party. She says she'd started drinking before 7:30 in the morning, before accompanying her husband, Eric Johnson, to a school assembly for their oldest daughter. Later that night she was unable to get her kids dressed in their Halloween costumes. The next morning she was so ashamed. Feeling like she had failed her kids she slept until they left the house, then got up and drank some more.

That episode was her tipping point. She quit drinking (as did her husband, Eric Johnson, who supports her in her sobriety.)

As parents, we know how overwhelming the demands can be...and how easy it is to sink into habits that don't ultimately serve us well. For Jessica, the way to heal was to sever her relationship with alcohol.

"I had to give [drinking] up," Jessica said. "I'm not going to miss another day. I'm not going to miss another Halloween. I'm not going to miss another Christmas. I'm going to be present."


Babies come with a lot of stuff. And when you're out and about, a roomy, comfy diaper bag is the place for everything you need to be prepared for whatever the day throws your way. But is a cute, trendy diaper bag that doesn't scream, well... DIAPER BAG, too much to ask? It's not, mamas.

We've rounded up our favorite diaper bags that don't actually look like diaper bags, but instead like the cute, super stylish bags you might have carried before the days of finding crushed up puffs at the bottom of your purse.

These bags prove you can get the job done, mama—and look darn good while doing it.

Freshly Picked City Pack

Freshly Picked City Pack

This simple, modern backpack can easily take you from a day at work to dinner with the kiddos. We love the hardware details, the lightweight design, and the hidden back pocket.


Vogshow Waterproof Bag

Vogshow Waterproof Diaper Bag

A sleek look, plus a padded laptop compartment, anti-theft and insulated pockets and magnetic buttons instead of zippers. 🙌


Skip Hop Travel Bag

Skip Hop Travel Bag

With a large zippered main compartment, there's plenty of room to keep all of the things. We love the adjustable straps—you can wear as a backpack, cross-body, messenger bag, or attach to the stroller.


Companion Quilted Backpack

companion quilted backpack diaper bag

Are you off to sit on the beach for a few hours, or taking your toddlers to the zoo? No one will be the wiser, mamas. We love the quilted look, padded straps, and roomy interior.


Mommore Diaper Backpack

Mommore Diaper Backpack

With a water resistant exterior, wet clothes pocket and a main compartment that completely opens up, you'll love having this to tote around.


JJ Cole Brookmont

JJ Cole Cognac Diaper Bag

As stunning as it is functional. It has 15 pockets and a removable liner on the inside so you can easily clean up messes in no time.


Little Unicorn Boardwalk Tote

If you're looking to keep things simple + stylish, mamas, this is the bag for you. It's versatile, functional, and will get tons of use well past the diaper days.


Presidio Vegan Leather Diaper Tote

Presidio Vegan Leather Diaper Tote

This stunning tote would make the perfect on-the-go bag. It comes with a changing page and a couple pockets on the inside to keep everything organized. Don't forget to personalize it!


Ticent Tote

Ticent Diaper Bag

With nearly 500 reviews, this one has incredible ratings. It offers multiple pockets, including an insulated one for snacks or bottles. The waterproof cotton material is ideal for those inevitable spills.


Fawn Design Original

Stylish and versatile, this bag can be worn as a cross body or as a backpack. It's roomy without being bulky, and has a total of 10 pockets for awesome storage.


Skip Hop Greenwich Backpack

No one would ever know this bag is packed full of baby's items. 😉


Rosie Pope Highbury Hill

Highbury Hill Diaper Backpack

If you're looking to up your style, this chic backpack will help you get there. Lots of inner pockets and zippered compartments make it simple to organize your stuff, and the top flap and wide opening make for quick + easy accessibility.


Babymel Robyn

Babymel Robyn Diaper Backpack

We love everything about this effortlessly stylish faux leather backpack. It's easy to wipe down, converts to a cross body bag, and even comes with a changing pad and drawstring bottle holder.


Petunia Pickle Bottom Pathway

Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper Tote

This two-tone canvas bag could not be prettier. We love that it easily stands upright when set down, and that it's super functional as a diaper bag yet super stylish as an everyday purse.


Skip Hop Duo

Skip Hop Duo Diaper Bag

The timeless stripes on this 11-pocket bag means it will never go out of style, and the durable cotton canvas means it will stand up to years of use.


We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.


Frustrations and emotions were at an all time high for both us. I was worried that my lack of patience would get the best of me, leaving her feeling let down and frustrated with me on her new journey of becoming a “big girl." And selfishly, I was tired of washing wet underwear. For her part, my daughter was tired of being asked for the hundredth time if she needed to use the potty.

We both were feeling a little defeated in this new adventure.

I have found too often as a mother that I expect my child to respond new things, like to potty training, as fast and as close to the last blog post, book or opinion I heard or read. What I have learned is that no two children are alike and the moment I release my expectations for where mine should or should not be, we are both brought back to peace and patience.


So maybe a break was all we needed to start fresh the next day. We headed to our favorite spot by the lake and had a picnic. My daughter munched on popcorn and chatted away about the weather and pinecones, and listened for the sounds of helicopters—which you hear quite often living on an aviation military base.

Sometimes in the daily struggles of motherhood I have noticed that I can forget who I am and the strength we possess as mothers. It may not come easily at first, but I grow with each new day. Even potty training—this mundane human activity that is emotional and (quite literally) messy, teaches me much about the meaning and purpose of motherhood.

Potty training has taught me a huge lesson on patience. Patience to be present, to pay attention to what is right in front of me. To be encouraging, to not rush the process, to not place expectations on timing or play the comparison game we often play as mothers.

Patience is needed in every area of parenting and potty training is just one way where we can see as parents where our patience is wearing thin.

I have found that it's when I come from a place of patience and presence that I can then glean wisdom from those messy, mundane, time-consuming tasks of potty training, and find that the waiting, sitting and hours of time spent in the bathroom gives me an opportunity to be present in my child's world.

Whether it be the grocery line, a traffic jam, or cleaning up wet bedding, I learn the art and joy in the small and big moments in motherhood. Giving our children space to fail and try it again as many times as it takes encourages them that they too can cultivate the gift of patience in there own tiny lives.

My daughter speaks to me everyday, inviting growth that sometimes feels really hard and frustrating, she provokes patience to be felt and sensed through every minute of the day. And for this I am grateful. Because to truly live and be present in my child's world means “I learn from her, and she learns from me." Even in potty training.

Our children have so much to offer to who we are as individuals and they have so much to teach us. In fact, I have come to live for these exhausting, beautiful, and downright messy moments in time. When I push myself to embrace them, rather than just find them frustrating, I stretch and grow and evolve. I become the mother I hope to be.

And to you mama, whether in the midst of sleepless newborn nights or toddler tornados or the midst of potty training, may you find strength as a mother, as a wife, and as a person to let go of any expectations or judgements you place upon yourself.

May love and gratitude fill our hearts and peace be with all of us on the journey that motherhood is.

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