Menu

How I learned to cope with my anxiety after becoming a mom of 2

I couldn't stop it, I couldn't control it and I was wasting these amazing years with our two little kids because I was too embarrassed and because I resented these feelings.

How I learned to cope with my anxiety after becoming a mom of 2

Eighteen months. That's the age difference between my toddler and my baby. I knew life with two under two would be hard, but nothing prepared me for the overwhelming anxiety I felt the first time my toddler was in the middle of a full-blown meltdown while I was trying to calm a screaming newborn.

I remember sitting on the floor of the bathroom sobbing—while nursing the baby—and wondering how I was going to get through the day. The feeling stuck with me as I went to bed and I asked myself how was I going to get up and do it all over again.

FEATURED VIDEO

I remember my husband standing beside our bed, trying to get me to breathe as I entered a panic attack. There was nothing unusual about that morning—I was nursing my baby in bed when my toddler woke up at her usual time, calling out for me—but for some reason, it all came crashing down at once.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't do this another day.

With each thought, my anxiety level rose. My heart raced, everything around me became blurry, I couldn't breathe and it felt like I was completely detached from my body.

I can't do this anymore.

It didn't get better as the day went by. I remember being in the parking lot of the grocery store, fumbling to buckle the carrier as my baby screamed and my toddler demanded to get out of her car seat. Racing heart. Tight chest. Dizziness.

I sat on the cement and put my head between my knees, trying to breathe.

A complete stranger picked me up off the ground, buckled the carrier and helped me get my kids into the grocery store. Before he walked away, he wrote down a number for a local therapist, saying his wife had seen her not too long ago after they had their first child.

Embarrassed, overwhelmed and exhausted, I shoved it in my pocket and set off to battle the grocery store with two kids, trying to forget everything that had just happened.

But it kept creeping up. I couldn't stop it, I couldn't control it and I was wasting these amazing years with our two little kids because I was too embarrassed and because I resented these feelings.

So I pulled out that crumpled piece of paper and dialed the number of the therapist. That moment saved my life.

My anxiety is still a work in progress, but this is what I've learned:

1. Know your triggers

When I started paying attention, I quickly realized I had one significant trigger. My panic attacks would come when both kids needed me at the same time: when they were both crying and screaming in the car or when my toddler was having a meltdown while I was attempting to appease a hungry, screaming baby (and trying to make dinner at the same time).

2. Get the right therapist

Thanks to the wonderful stranger in the parking lot that day, I found a therapist I clicked with right away. I immediately admitted to her that I felt ridiculous coming to therapy. My problems seemed insignificant compared to what so many people go through.

I am fortunate to have had an easy upbringing with very little struggle in life and live very carefree—we don't worry about money, my husband has an excellent job, we have a home and reliable vehicles, we are healthy and we have a huge support system. My therapist explained how anxiety is a medical condition and doesn't care about any of that. She helped me develop tools to control my anxiety that are manageable and realistic when also taking care of two small kids.

3. Develop some coping tools

The hardest part for me was letting go of perfection and accepting being what she calls the "Good Enough" mother. This is still something I struggle with daily, but when I feel my chest tightening and that familiar anxiety creeping in, I focus on breathing.

It sounds simple enough, but when you have two tiny humans hollering from the back of your car, even the most basic task like breathing seems impossible. Just a couple of deep, focused breaths can stop my anxiety from turning into a full-blown panic attack.

4. Self-care means asking for help

My husband works A LOT. I love him for it and I appreciate what he does for this family, but it means that the job of raising our kids mostly falls on me. I had to swallow my pride and learn to ask for help, even if that means he is scaling back on his hours.

This allows me to have a break so I can do something for myself—even if it's just 10 minutes to meditate or journal.

Don't wait. Don't let yourself get to your breaking point. Ask for help now. You are doing the best you can, but you don't need to do it alone.

5. Don't resist it

"I'm fine" is my comfort zone. I put a lot of energy into presenting a composed exterior and pushing away any bad feelings. But I've learned that I can't resist anxiety. I learned to recognize when it is coming so I can apply my tools before it turns into a panic attack.

I start by labeling the feeling ("I am feeling anxious"), focusing on where in my body I feel it—always my chest—and then start breathing. More often than not, if I can catch it early, I can work through it quickly and easily.

So to all the moms out there who go to bed not knowing how they will get up and do it all again the next day: We are allowed to not be okay. We are allowed to ask for help. We don't need to do this alone. We are good enough.

You might also like:

In This Article

    Nuna

    New mama life is often fraught with decision fatigue. From choosing a pediatrician to choosing a baby monitor, it can be difficult to know which solutions are made to last. Fortunately, Nuna just made one very important decision a lot easier. That's because their new MIXX Next Stroller has everything a new parent needs to get out, get around and get everything done.

    An upgraded version of their popular MIXX stroller, the MIXX Next features a more compact fold (shaving 6.5 inches off the folded size, down to 27.5 inches long and 23.6 inches wide) thanks to a compact fold-away axle where the rear wheels tuck under the frame when it folds. Plus, the new model also stays standing when folded—meaning no more back-straining as you bend to pick up your folded stroller and heave it into the trunk. Instead, the MIXX Next can be tucked more easily into storage whenever your ride comes to an end.


    Nuna Mixx Next Stroller


    Speaking of the ride, your little one will love the new rear-wheel Free Flex suspension™ and front-wheel progression suspension technology that absorbs more shock as you roll over uneven terrain. The wheels have also been updated to tough, rubber foam-filled tires for a smoother, more durable ride and the no re-thread harness makes it easy to clip your baby in securely and quickly. And when all those gentle bumps lull your baby to sleep? The seat features a five-position recline that adjusts quickly with one-hand—all the way down to a true-flat sleeper recline—just don't forget to move them to their crib when you arrive home. (Don't forget to extend the water repellent, UPF 50+ canopy to keep those sleepy eyes shaded.) Even better, the all-season seat keeps baby cozy in winter and unsnaps to mesh for a cooler ride in the summer.

    Perhaps most importantly, though, this stroller is made to last. (After all, what's the point of solving a mama dilemma if it creates another one a few months down the road?) The MIXX Next pairs perfectly with all Nuna PIPA™ series infant car seats using the included car seat ring adapter, and then adapts to a child seat that can face toward you (for a little face time) or forward for when your little one is ready to take on the world. All in all, this stroller gets you where you need to go with a child up to 50 pounds, meaning it's the only one you'll ever need.

    The MIXX Next is available in three colors and retails for $749.95.

    This article was sponsored by Nuna. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

    Our Partners

    Sorry, you can’t meet our baby yet

    Thank you for understanding. ❤️

    In just over three weeks, we will become parents. From then on, our hearts will live outside of our bodies. We will finally understand what everyone tells you about bringing a child into the world.

    Lately, the range of emotions and hormones has left me feeling nothing short of my new favorite mom word, "hormotional." I'm sure that's normal though, and something most people start to feel as everything suddenly becomes real.

    Our bags are mostly packed, diaper bag ready, and birth plan in place. Now it's essentially a waiting game. We're finishing up our online childbirth classes which I must say are quite informational and sometimes entertaining. But in between the waiting and the classes, we've had to think about how we're going to handle life after baby's birth.

    FEATURED VIDEO

    I don't mean thinking and planning about the lack of sleep, feeding schedule, or just the overall changes a new baby is going to bring. I'm talking about how we're going to handle excited family members and friends who've waited just as long as we have to meet our child. That sentence sounds so bizarre, right? How we're going to handle family and friends? That sentence shouldn't even have to exist.

    Keep reading Show less
    Life

    100 unusual + surprising baby name ideas

    From Adelia to Ziggy.

    Our list of 100 baby names that should be on everyone's list this year includes more choices than in the past of names that are obscure and surprising. That's because there are so many more unusual baby names coming into widespread use and baby namers have become a lot more adventurous.

    Expectant parents do not need to be told to move beyond Jennifer and Jason. Their thinking about names has evolved to the point that the most useful thing we can do is offer a large menu of intriguing choices.

    Here are our picks for the 100 best surprising + unusual baby names now.


    Keep reading Show less
    Learn + Play