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How to let go of perfection once and for all, mama

It's a daily practice and choice of who we want to be, and how we want to show up in real life and on social media.

How to let go of perfection once and for all, mama

I would bet that most of us can quickly conjure up an image, and probably even a name, of a "perfect mom." The one who fit back into her jeans two weeks after giving birth. Her hair and makeup always done, and her kids looking like they just walked out of a Nordstrom ad.

Oh, and she probably runs her own business, attends all the soccer games while also making homemade three-course organic meals every night— right? We imagine her being good at everything and nailing mom life perfectly.

The reality is that social media has made it so easy to view other moms out there as perfect—and to view ourselves as always falling short of who we think we should be as a mom.

I began asking other moms if they too have had a similar experience of feeling like they have failed to live up to this idealistic version of motherhood. The responses all pointed to different versions of this same experience—the belief that what we are doing and who we are being as a mom is not enough.

So how do we let go of this "perfect-mom" illusion? Here are some tips to support you in finding your best version of mom life:

1. Let go of the perfect mommy gremlin

Gremlins are all of the disempowering thoughts that make us feel not good enough or not worthy enough. The "Perfect Mommy Gremlin" is purely dedicated to those thoughts that are specifically related to motherhood. Turning down the volume on our gremlin is all about awareness and noticing the thoughts that you are having.

I also find it helpful to create a hilarious visual of what my gremlin would look like in real life based on these thoughts. The combination of awareness and humor easily snaps me out of these negative thoughts and brings me back to reality.

2. Remember to honor what you value most

When you start telling yourself that you are a frumpy mom who should be looking more like a Kardashian mom, connect with what personal values you honor. I'm the kind of mom who sports some variety of stretchy pants most days, and maybe a five-minute makeup routine if all goes well that day.

I value comfort, simplicity and practicality and this is totally seen it my daily routine. Take a few minutes to get clear on what you value most in life. It might surprise you how many of these values you are already honoring. Beyond appearance and routine, explore areas like health, self-care and balance. If you find that you have values that are not being honored, take this as an opportunity to get clear on what it is that you really want so you can start moving toward it.

3. Get vulnerable and be honest

Next time you see a seemingly perfect mom, would you be willing to tell her how you feel? Connecting with other moms in an honest way can be really empowering for both of you. Instead of assuming that she's some kind of superhuman, dare to say, "Wow, you seem like such a perfect mom. What's your secret? I don't know about you, but I really struggle to keep it all together sometimes."

You never know how she is going to respond, but I can imagine that perfect facade will disappear and you'll find common ground.

4. Be authentic online (and find inspiration there, too)

How amazing is it when you come across one of those authentic real-life moms on social media? They definitely aren't perfect moms because they are worthy of a title so much more powerful than that. They are strong mamas and so inspiring. These are the moms that allow me to see that I am exactly enough as a mom just the way I am, even if I fed my kid McDonalds three times this week.

They are the moms who completely own their darkness and light, allowing us to see that both can completely co-exist together. That we can have those really hard days and also be grateful and completely in love with our kids. Consider what kind of mom you want to be on social media. If you feel inspired by other mamas' real posts, make a commitment to show up with your mommy realness at least once a week, too.

5. Let go of perfection once and for all

Perfection is an illusion that has absolutely nothing to offer you. Yes, it can lead to personal growth and improvement, but perfection isn't about either of those things. In Brené Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection Brown writes, "Healthy striving is self-focused: 'How can I improve?' Perfectionism is other-focused: 'What will they think?'"

Our gremlin fuels this desire to reach perfection. We can flip it on its head to create a new belief that honors what we value will make space for so much more love and joy in our lives. Even bigger than that, modeling these personal values and focused behaviors will create an empowering belief system for our kids.

This definitely is not an instant anti-perfection recipe. It's a daily practice and choice of who we want to be, and how we want to show up in real life and on social media. Just like practicing gratitude or journaling, this is a practice of owning our version of motherhood and embracing that sometimes good enough is exactly enough.

It's letting go of the expectation of what we thought the day would look like (or how much sleep we would get that night) and deciding to be present with what is rather than trying to fight against it. Best of all, it's knowing that owning all of our imperfections is helping another mom out there see the beauty and strength in her own imperfections. Remember, you're completely enough, mama.

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14 outdoor toys your kids will want to play with beyond summer

They transition seamlessly for indoor play.

With Labor day weekend in the rearview and back-to-school in full swing, most parents are fresh out of boxes to check on their "Fun Concierge" hit list. It's also the point of diminishing returns on investing in summer-only toys. So with that in mind, we've rounded up some of our favorite toys that are not only built to last but will easily make the transition from outdoor to indoor play. Even better, they're Montessori-friendly and largely open-ended so your kids can get a ton of use out of them.

From sunny backyard afternoons to rainy mornings stuck inside, these toys are sure to keep little ones engaged and entertained.

Meadow ring toss game

Plan Toys meadow ring toss game

Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.

$30

Balance board

Plan Toys balance board

Balance boards are a fabulous way to get the wiggles out. This one comes with a rope attachment, making it suitable for even the youngest wigglers. From practicing their balance and building core strength to working on skills that translate to skateboarding and snowboarding, it's a year-round physical activity that's easy to bring inside and use between Zoom classes, too!

$75

Detective set

Plan Toys detective setDetective Set

This set has everything your little detective needs to solve whatever mystery they might encounter: an eye glasses, walkie-talkie, camera, a red lens, a periscope and a bag. Neighborhood watch? Watch out.

$40

Wooden doll stroller

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Take their charges on a stroll around the block with this classic doll stroller. With the same versatility they're used to in their own ride, this heirloom quality carriage allows their doll or stuffy to face them or face the world.

$120

Sand play set

Plan Toys sand set

Whether you're hitting the beach or the backyard sandbox, this adorable wooden sand set is ready for action. Each scoop has an embossed pattern that's perfect for sand stamping. They're also totally suitable for water play in the wild or the bathtub.

$30

Water play set

Plan Toys water play set

Filled with sand or water, this tabletop sized activity set keeps little ones busy, quiet and happy. (A mama's ideal trifecta 😉). It's big enough to satisfy their play needs but not so big it's going to flood your floors if you bring the fun inside on a rainy day.

$100

Mini golf set

Plan Toys mini golf set

Fore! This mini golf set is lawn and living room ready. Set up a backyard competition or incorporate into homeschooling brain breaks that shift focus and build concentration.

$40

Vintage scooter balance bike

Janod retro scooter balance bike

Pedals are so 2010. Balance bikes are the way to go for learning to ride a bike while skipping the training wheels stage altogether. This impossibly cool retro scooter-style is built to cruise the neighborhood or open indoor space as they're learning.

$121

Wooden rocking pegasus

plan toys wooden rocking pegasus

Your little will be ready to take flight on this fun pegasus. It gently rocks back and forth, but doesn't skimp on safety—its winged saddle, footrests and backrest ensure kids won't fall off whether they're rocking inside or outside.

$100

Croquet set

Plan Toys croquet set

The cutest croquet set we've ever seen! With adorable animal face wooden balls and a canvas bag for easy clean up, it's also crafted to stick around awhile. Round after round, it's great for teaching kiddos math and problem-solving skills as well.

$45

Wooden digital camera

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Kids get the chance to assemble the camera on their own then can adventure anywhere to capture the best moments. With two detachable magnetic lenses, four built-in filters and video recorder, your little photographer can tap into their creativity from summertime to the holidays.

$179

Wooden bulldozer toy

plan toys wooden bulldozer toy

Whether they're digging up sand in the backyad or picking up toys inside, kids can get as creative as they want picking up and moving things around. Even better? Its wooden structure means it's not an eye sore to look at wherever your digger drops it.

$100

Pull-along hippo

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There's just something so fun about a classic pull-along toy and we love that they seamlessly transition between indoor and outdoor play. Crafted from solid cherry and beechwood, it's tough enough to endure outdoor spaces your toddler takes it on.

$33

Baby forest fox ride-on

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Toddlers will love zooming around on this fox ride-on, and it's a great transition toy into traditional balance bikes. If you take it for a driveway adventure, simply use a damp cloth to wipe down the wheels before bringing back inside.

$88

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9 products that will help baby sleep better (and longer!)

For many parents, attempting naps and bedtime can seem like a never-ending cycle of rocking, shushing and hoping for some kind of magic sleep solution.

How do I get my baby to sleep? This is one of the most commonly asked questions among new parents, and it makes sense, given that babies are born with their days and nights mixed up. For many parents, attempting naps and bedtime can seem like a never-ending cycle of rocking, shushing and hoping for some kind of magic sleep solution.

And while that might not exist (yet), we have found some of the best products out there that can help baby fall asleep faster and for longer durations. Because when baby is sleeping, so are you!

Dreamland Baby weighted sleep sack and swaddle

Designed by a mama, parents swear by this weighted sleep sack. It mimics your hug to give your baby security and comfort that helps them get to sleep faster and stay asleep longer. The detachable swaddle wing makes it easy to transition as they grow.

It's also super easy to get on and off, and includes a bottom-up zipper for late night changes, so you don't have to wake your baby in the process.

$79

Yogasleep Hushh portable sound machine

Yogasleep hushh sound machine

With three soothing options, this is a perfect solution to help your baby settle when naps are on the go and during travel! I love how compact this noise machine is and that it can run all night with one charge.

$30

Bebe au Lait muslin crib sheets

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With a variety of print options to choose from, these breathable sheets are *so* soft and smooth, even through multiple washes. The luxury fabric keeps little ones warm without overheating—a formula that helps ensure more sleep for everyone.

$32

The Simple Folk perfect pajamas

The Simple Folk perfect pajamas

You know what's going to help baby have their best sleep ever? Some quality, super soft pajamas. The timeless (and aptly named!) Perfect Pajama from The Simple Folk are some of our favorites. They last forever and they're made from organic pima cotton that is safe on baby's precious skin. They come in a wide range of sizes so siblings can match and feature fold-over hand covers on sizes up to 12 months.

$37

The Snoo bassinet

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Designed by expert pediatrician and sleep guru Dr. Harvey Karp, the Snoo bassinet gently rocks your baby to sleep while snuggled up in the built-in swaddle. Not only does it come with sensors that adjust the white noise and movement based on your baby's needs, there is also an app that allows you to adjust the settings directly from your phone.

While this item is a bit on the expensive side, there is now an option to rent for $3.50 a day, which is a total game changer!

$1295

Hatch Baby Rest sound machine + nightlight

best baby sound machine

The Hatch Baby Rest is a dual sound machine and nightlight that will grow with your family. Many parents use this product with their infants as a white-noise machine and then as a "time to rise" solution for toddlers.

The thing I love most about this product is that the light it gives off isn't too bright, and you can even select different color preferences; giving your toddler choices at bedtime.

$59.99

Crane humidifier

Crane Humidifier

The only thing worse than a sick baby is a baby who is sick and not sleeping well. The Crane humidifier helps take care of this by relieving congestion and helping your baby breathe better while sleeping.

Personally, I think the adorable design options alone are enough of a reason to purchase this product, and your child will love watching steam come out of the elephant's trunk!

$46.99

Naturepedic organic crib mattress

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In the first few months of life, babies can spend up to 17 hours a day sleeping, so choosing a mattress that is safe (read: no chemicals!) and comfortable is incredibly important.

Naturepedic uses allergen-friendly and waterproof materials with babies and children in mind, making them easy to clean and giving you peace of mind.

$259.00

Happiest Baby sleepea 5-second swaddle

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There are baby swaddles and then there is Sleepea. Similar to the brand's swaddle that is built into the Snoo, the Sleepea is magic for multiple reasons. First, it's got mesh panels ensuring baby never overheats. Second, the zipper zips from the top or the bottom, so you can change the baby's diaper in the middle of the night without ever waking them. Third, it's hip safe. Fourth, the patterns are SO cute. And fifth, the interior swaddle wrap that keeps baby's ams down has a "quiet" velcro that won't wake baby if you need to readjust while they're asleep.

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To the mama who had a baby during the pandemic

You deserve hugs, love, recognition and so much more. But I will settle for the next best thing, which is to write you a little love letter.

I am a midwife, and that means two things:

  1. I am a total birth nerd
  2. I want to hug every new mom I see

But we are in a pandemic, which means that the latter is impossible—and this makes me impossibly sad. You deserve hugs, love, recognition and so much more. So I will settle for the next best thing, which is to write you a little love letter.

Darling new mama. Here are seven things you need to know:

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