We're done having kids—here's how we know

We are two and through.

We're done having kids—here's how we know

Ever since our youngest turned one (he is now one and-a-half), my husband and I have been asked if we're going to have another baby. Our answer is an adamant, “No." Responses range from, “Why not another baby?" to “I'm on the same page."

We love our children. We are content with the two kids we have.

We are two and through, and here's why.


I'm infertile. Fertility treatments did not work and were emotionally, physically and financially draining. My husband and I are not willing to go through them again.

Despite being unable to have biological children, my family was created by the beautiful gift of adoption. My husband and I are forever grateful to our children's respective birth parents for giving us the gift of parenthood. We always envisioned two kids, and our dream came true via adoption.

For us, however, the adoption process was emotionally and financially draining. We endured five failed adoptions, spent tens of thousands of dollars, and do not want to go through the process again. Our son and daughter are perfect, and we have our perfect family.

Post adoption depression

I suffered from Post Adoption Depression (PAD) after adopting both my son and daughter. Several factors contributed to my PAD.

Even though my husband and I longed to have kids for nearly four years, the adoption of our eldest, my daughter, did not bring instant happiness. The transition from our carefree, doing-what-we-pleased, two-unit household to the responsibility of caring for a newborn was rough.

The transition from a three-unit household to a four-unit household after my son was born felt even more difficult. Caring for a jealous 2-year-old and a newborn was not an easy feat for me.

I had a hard time bonding with my daughter due to my infertility issues. I did not carry her nor give birth to her. She does not look like me or my husband. Guiltily (and I still feel this guilt for having this thought), I would look at my daughter and wonder what my children would look like if they were biological.

Thankfully, I no longer view my daughter as being 'different' from me. Instead, she is my daughter whom I love and cherish. I could not imagine my life without her.

I had a hard time bonding with my son because I love his birth mother. I think she is a wonderful woman, and I felt such sadness for her, despite knowing she chose to place our son for adoption. I can't imagine what she must have been feeling and thinking when she signed off her parental rights to my husband and me. When I looked at my newborn son, I often thought of her.

Today, I still think of her, but not with sadness. Instead, I think of her with gratefulness because she gave my husband and me a beautiful gift.

Both of my kids were diagnosed with severe acid reflux right after turning 1 month old. I was severely sleep-deprived and caring for sick children—cleaning up vomit, making sure my babies weren't choking, and devastated to see them in such pain. Their sickness overwhelmed me. I wanted healthy babies.

My PAD also impacted my marriage and other relationships. I felt angry, sad and tired, and I took my feelings out on others. I'm so grateful to those individuals who stuck by my side during this tough time.

I regret not seeking professional help for my PAD. Attending therapy was not the issue. I've been in therapy countless times, and I'm a Marriage and Family therapist. I should have been happy about having a new baby, but instead I was ashamed for feeling sad.

Eventually, I overcome my PAD. I don't know how, but I did.


Since my son was 5 weeks old, he's suffered from intestinal issues. His illnesses have required medications, numerous doctor appointments, pain on my son's part, and sadness on my and my husband's end. The illness has also taken attention away from our daughter, which is not fair to her. Adding another child to the mix would simply not be fair to anyone in our household.


As we know, kids are expensive! As they get older, the expenses pile up. Whether paying for preschool, activities, clothes, or food, these littles take our money! Financially speaking, my husband and I want to be able to give all we can to our two children comfortably. Adding another child would make our budget pretty tight and limit what we can do for our children.

Limited help

Being a parent is an amazing gift. It's also a lot of work. As much as we love our kids, we all need help—and a break from them—once in awhile. Besides relying on each other and the occasional use of our babysitter, my husband and I do not have additional help with the kids.

By the end of a day with my two children, I'm exhausted. I know my limits. I don't think I could handle another child. I would be that much more exhausted and impatient, that that would impact my ability to be a good mother.

We have our perfect little family. Our cups are beyond full with love. We are beyond blessed. We are two and through.

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    But it can also feel a bit overwhelming to make sense of all the gear on the market. That's why we suggest mentally dividing your registry into two categories: items you need to prepare for your baby's arrival and items that sure would be nice to have.

    Here at Motherly, our editors have dozens of kids and years of parenting experience among us, so we know our way around the essentials. We also know how mama-friendly the registry-building experience is with Target, especially thanks to their recently upgraded registry and introduction of Year of Benefits. Just by creating your baby registry with Target, you'll snag a kit with $120 in discounts and samples. The savings keep coming: You'll also get two 15% off coupons to buy unpurchased items from your registry for up to a year after your baby's expected arrival. Change your mind about anything? The Year of Benefits allows for returns or exchanges for a full year. And as of August 2020, those who also sign up for Target Circle when creating a baby registry will also get the retailer's Year of Exclusive Deals, which includes ongoing discounts on baby essentials for a full year.

    Here are 10 items we agree deserve a spot in the "need" category on your registry, mama.

    A crib to grow with your baby

    Delta Children Farmhouse 6-in-1 Convertible Crib

    First-time mamas are likely creating nursery spaces for the first time, and that can get expensive. Adding a quality crib to Target registry gives friends and family members the option to join forces to make a large purchase through group gifting.


    A safe + convenient car seat

    Safety 1st OnBoard 35 LT Infant Car Seat

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    A traveling nursery station

    Baby Trend Lil Snooze Deluxe II Nursery Center

    It's hard to beat a good playard when it comes to longevity. This item can be baby's sleeping place when they're sharing a room with you for the first months. Down the line, it can function as a roving diaper change station. And when you travel, it makes a great safe space for your little one to sleep and play.


    A swing for some backup help

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    A dependable swing can be a real lifesaver for new parents when they need their hands free (or just a minute to themselves). Because many babies are opinionated about these things, we appreciate that the mamaRoo has multiple modes of motion and soothing sounds.


    An easy-to-clean high chair

    Ingenuity SmartClean Trio Elite 3-in-1 High Chair - Slate

    Our best registry advice? Think ahead. It really won't be long before your child is ready for those first bites of solid food, at which point you'll need a high chair. We like one that transitions to a booster seat atop an existing dining room chair.


    A diaper bag to share

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    A hygienic spot for all those diaper changes

    Munchkin Secure Grip Waterproof Diaper Changing Pad 16X31"

    We can confidently predict there will be a lot of diaper changes in your future. Do yourself a favor by registering for two comfortable, wipeable changing pads: one to keep in the nursery and another to stash elsewhere in your house.


    A way to keep an eye on your baby at night

    Infant Optics Video Baby Monitor DXR-8

    Feeling peace of mind while your baby sleeps in another room truly is priceless.That's why we advocate for a quality video monitor that will allow you to keep tabs on your snoozing sweetheart.


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    A wrap carrier may be about as low-tech as baby items come, but trust us, this product stands the test of time. Great for use around the house or while running errands, this is one item you'll appreciate so much.


    A full set of bottles + cleaning supplies

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    Target's baby registry is easy to create from the comfort of your own home. Start your Target baby registry now and enjoy shopping with the Year of Benefits featuring exclusive deals available via Target Circle, two 15% off coupons, a year of hassle-free returns, a free welcome kit and more!

    This article was sponsored by Target. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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