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We're done having kids—here's how we know

Ever since our youngest turned one (he is now one and-a-half), my husband and I have been asked if we're going to have another baby. Our answer is an adamant, “No." Responses range from, “Why not another baby?" to “I'm on the same page."

We love our children. We are content with the two kids we have.

We are two and through, and here's why.

Infertility

I'm infertile. Fertility treatments did not work and were emotionally, physically and financially draining. My husband and I are not willing to go through them again.

Despite being unable to have biological children, my family was created by the beautiful gift of adoption. My husband and I are forever grateful to our children's respective birth parents for giving us the gift of parenthood. We always envisioned two kids, and our dream came true via adoption.

For us, however, the adoption process was emotionally and financially draining. We endured five failed adoptions, spent tens of thousands of dollars, and do not want to go through the process again. Our son and daughter are perfect, and we have our perfect family.

Post adoption depression

I suffered from Post Adoption Depression (PAD) after adopting both my son and daughter. Several factors contributed to my PAD.

Even though my husband and I longed to have kids for nearly four years, the adoption of our eldest, my daughter, did not bring instant happiness. The transition from our carefree, doing-what-we-pleased, two-unit household to the responsibility of caring for a newborn was rough.

The transition from a three-unit household to a four-unit household after my son was born felt even more difficult. Caring for a jealous 2-year-old and a newborn was not an easy feat for me.

I had a hard time bonding with my daughter due to my infertility issues. I did not carry her nor give birth to her. She does not look like me or my husband. Guiltily (and I still feel this guilt for having this thought), I would look at my daughter and wonder what my children would look like if they were biological.

Thankfully, I no longer view my daughter as being 'different' from me. Instead, she is my daughter whom I love and cherish. I could not imagine my life without her.

I had a hard time bonding with my son because I love his birth mother. I think she is a wonderful woman, and I felt such sadness for her, despite knowing she chose to place our son for adoption. I can't imagine what she must have been feeling and thinking when she signed off her parental rights to my husband and me. When I looked at my newborn son, I often thought of her.

Today, I still think of her, but not with sadness. Instead, I think of her with gratefulness because she gave my husband and me a beautiful gift.

Both of my kids were diagnosed with severe acid reflux right after turning 1 month old. I was severely sleep-deprived and caring for sick children—cleaning up vomit, making sure my babies weren't choking, and devastated to see them in such pain. Their sickness overwhelmed me. I wanted healthy babies.

My PAD also impacted my marriage and other relationships. I felt angry, sad and tired, and I took my feelings out on others. I'm so grateful to those individuals who stuck by my side during this tough time.

I regret not seeking professional help for my PAD. Attending therapy was not the issue. I've been in therapy countless times, and I'm a Marriage and Family therapist. I should have been happy about having a new baby, but instead I was ashamed for feeling sad.

Eventually, I overcome my PAD. I don't know how, but I did.

Sickness

Since my son was 5 weeks old, he's suffered from intestinal issues. His illnesses have required medications, numerous doctor appointments, pain on my son's part, and sadness on my and my husband's end. The illness has also taken attention away from our daughter, which is not fair to her. Adding another child to the mix would simply not be fair to anyone in our household.

Money

As we know, kids are expensive! As they get older, the expenses pile up. Whether paying for preschool, activities, clothes, or food, these littles take our money! Financially speaking, my husband and I want to be able to give all we can to our two children comfortably. Adding another child would make our budget pretty tight and limit what we can do for our children.

Limited help

Being a parent is an amazing gift. It's also a lot of work. As much as we love our kids, we all need help—and a break from them—once in awhile. Besides relying on each other and the occasional use of our babysitter, my husband and I do not have additional help with the kids.

By the end of a day with my two children, I'm exhausted. I know my limits. I don't think I could handle another child. I would be that much more exhausted and impatient, that that would impact my ability to be a good mother.

We have our perfect little family. Our cups are beyond full with love. We are beyond blessed. We are two and through.

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Mom life demands efficiency. Because while the amount of hours in the day are the same as before kids, now a sizable chunk of that time is spent caring for and loving on those little people. Compromises happen—and let's just be honest, the old beauty routine is one of the first things to get cut.

But, wait! You don't have to sacrifice putting on mascara or, worse, skipping the SPF. Instead, why not flip it, reverse it, and look at the bright side? Here's your opportunity to streamline your morning makeup routine. With some savvy skin care and beauty hacks, you can get your radiant glow on in record time.

Here are our tried-and-true hacks passed down from Motherly mamas:

1. Embrace multipurpose items

If the most pressing issue is limited time, consolidate multiple steps of your beauty routine with a multipurpose item. For example, instead of starting with a SPF moisturizer, followed by spot concealer and a blendable foundation, you can take care of all of that in one go with one of our favorites: Earth Mama's 3-in-one Lady Face™ Tinted Mineral Sunscreen. The beauty stick also allows you to easily fold SPF 40 into your routine, because Lady Face doubles as super-safe, clean sun protection. Even better? The sunscreen blocks blue light from those ever-present digital screens with a ray-scattering, non-nano formula.

2. Revive dried mascara

Especially after a sleepless night (#motherhood), mascara can make a major difference in how well rested you appear to be. If you realize your tube of mascara is dried out, don't write it off as a lost cause. Simply soak the sealed tube in warm water to loosen up the mascara — or add a drop of a multi-purpose saline solution into the tube. That should do the trick until you have time to buy a replacement. (But let's face it: You're a mom. It's okay if you're tired.)

3. Keep coconut oil handy

Coconut oil isn't just for the kitchen. From a DIY hair mask to an in-a-pinch lip balm or naturally removing makeup at the end of the day, coconut oil's cosmetic hack-list is long. For summer, we especially like adding a thin swipe of organic extra virgin coconut oil to the cheekbones at the end of the makeup routine for a bit of an extra glow.

4. Multitask while deep conditioning

If your hair needs a bit of TLC, consider applying a natural, paraben-free deep conditioner before doing chores around the house or even a short workout. By working up a bit of a sweat, the conditioner will set even better before you rinse off in the shower.

5. Start your hair care routine the night before

As you work to find your new normal morning routine, it can help to simply reschedule a task or two—like hair. If you shower the night before, get a jumpstart on your look by blowdrying, straightening or even braiding it for loose waves in the morning.

6. Even out your skin tone

Between multiple wake-ups during the night and wavering hormones, complexion issues can become a thing for most mamas. Thankfully, the hack for managing that is as simple as finding a great foundation that goes on smoothly and doesn't cake or crack through a morning of momming. Scope out the ingredient list for naturally nourishing components like coconut oil, shea butter or beeswax — and skip the stress (and the return process if the shade doesn't match) by going for something that easily blends with most skin tones.

7. Find brands your feel great about

As a mom, you might find yourself considering bigger life questions: Are my cosmetics safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding? Are they helping the world my children will grow up in? Can I trust the ingredients and mission? Pro tip: read the ingredients on all your personal care products, memorize the ones you want to avoid, and look for third-party certification to ensure the product is actually what it says it is. When you find a brand that walks the talk, you're going to want to be loyal.

8. When in doubt, go for a bold lip

With happy hours swapped for play dates, your daily routine may look a bit different than it used to. But who says you have to leave your personal style behind? If you've always been a fan of makeup and going a bit glam, keep going for it, mama! The extra 60 seconds it takes to apply lipstick or whatever else gives you a bit of pep in your step is well worth it.


This article was sponsored by Earth Mama Organics. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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