I spent many years longing to be here at this moment. To have my family. To be my children's mama.
It was never my goal to be a mama and a wife. As a teenager, I was completely fine with my decision not to have children. When someone would ask me how many children I wanted, my response would always be none. In my 20's, I traveled the world and focused on building my career. A family of my own was far from my mind. And I was okay with that. Then I hit 30 and something inside me changed.
I'm not sure what exactly changed. Or why it changed. But I started to long for a family of my own.
Then as if my heart's desire had been answered I met him. We fell in love. And within a few years, I was married to this incredible man. Then we received the best news we could have hoped for. I was pregnant—with a baby boy. The family I had longed for was right here in front of me. I had become this child's mama.
Just like that my whole life's focus changed.
My mind wasn't on my career progression or where in the world I was going to explore next. It was focused on this little human. This little human, who was safely cradled in my arms. This little human who now relied on me to provide him with care, with comfort, with love.
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I became defined by my motherhood. And that was okay.
Now I won't lie, as my son grew and we welcomed our second child to our family, there were moments of exhaustion. Moments of frustration. Moments of tears. Moments where I desperately needed some me time.
But here is the truth. Yes, right now I am defined by motherhood. And that's okay. I spent many years longing to be here at this moment. To have my family. To be my children's mama.
I know this is a finite period in my life. So I am choosing to embrace it. I am choosing to find joy in my motherhood journey.
I know my children need me now in a way they won't ever again. And I don't want to miss out on all the beautiful moments right here in front of me.
You see, one day they won't need me to rock them in my arms or lay with them every night till they fall asleep.
One day they won't need me to pick them up and carry them everywhere. In fact, one day they will be too big for me to do that even if I wanted to.
One day they won't need to help them get dressed and put on their shoes.
One day they won't ask me to sing them that song for the 10th time.
One day they won't need me to do all the things for them as they do now.
You see, right now my children are only little. Right now they need me. Right now they choose me.
I am their safe place. I am their comfort. I am honored to be the one that they turn to. I am honored to be the one they call home.
That is why, first and foremost, I am defined by my motherhood. And that is more than okay with me.
This article was previously published here.