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How to get your kids out the door in 39 easy steps

I sat down and mapped out a life plan, and so far it looks like I will be late for approximately 15 more years.

How to get your kids out the door in 39 easy steps

PSA:

Dear friends, family, colleagues, church congregation, and school faculty members,


I am sorry I was late.

I sat down and mapped out a life plan, and so far it looks like I will be late for approximately 15 more years.

My dreams of timeliness are dead along with that Kombucha culture you gave me.

Thank you for understanding.

Best,

A mom in dirty yoga pants.

When you are a parent you wake up ridiculously early to get your children ready. Gone are the days when you rolled out of bed, threw on jeans and gave yourself a fist bump for making it out of the house in 20 minutes flat.

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With kids, you have to factor in the parenting space/time continuum principle: 20 minutes is exactly the same as 1 second.

Except for the 20 minutes before bedtime. That 20 minutes equals about 45 hours. It's all very confusing and it is okay to cry about it.

If you, along with everyone else, are wondering WHY you are late. Let me remind you:

Mornings before kids:

1. Get self ready.

2. Get self in car.

3. Go.

Mornings now:

1. Wake up children.

2. Go to the kitchen to start breakfast.

3. Hear no noise from children.

4. Holler at children every 30 seconds.

5. All appear, except one. Your future seems bright, you keep hollering.

6. You hear last child thrashing and grunting violently. This is the worst moment of his life.

7. Child finally emerges. It is unclear if he is human or zombie.

8. Child sits on couch.

9. Child becomes one with the couch.

10. You call frantically to them while making eggs: "Shoes!" "Hair!" "Clothes!"

11. Child stares into space.

12. Leave eggs to burn and get right up in his business: "Clothes, right now buddy!"

13. Child looks at you like: do I know you? He gets up and wanders off.

14. You are hopeful.

15. 30 minutes later you find child sitting in the corner of his room holding one shoe.

16. His oldest sibling starts hyperventilating because he does not like to be late.

17. You do not like to be late.

18. You are still wearing pajamas. You will be late forever.

19. You say, "Find your shoes!!"

20. You run into your room and realize that you did not dry last night's laundry. Your drawer is empty except for one pair of jeans from 2009.

21. It takes you fifteen minutes to get those pants on. You are sweating and panting. You are not a quitter.

22. You did it!

23. You feel strangely light-headed. You are worried you are bruising your organs.

24. You are a quitter.

25. You pull on dirty yoga pants and spot clean with a baby wipe.

26. You yell as you run down stairs, "Kids! Car! Shoes! Coats!"

27. You find your sleepy child again. He did not find shoes. He found a marker and piece of paper. He wonders if you can draw him a picture of the hulk, and also superman, and also a building complex that is on fire.

28. You will cry now.

29. Finally everyone is in the car.

30. You wrestle baby into her carseat. She thinks you are mean.

31. You start the car.

32. Wait.

33. Did you leave the burner on? Where is your wallet? Does everyone have their shoes? Are you wearing a bra?

34. Oldest child starts weeping. You are causing his Type A much stress and turmoil.

35. You race back into the house and as you pass your room you briefly contemplate going back to bed.

36. You are late.

37. You are very very late.

38. You pull into a coffee stand because you are going to need your brain and your body to participate in this day.

39. Estimated time of arrival: Tomorrow.

HEY MAMA...GO YOU.

From one mom to another...can we just agree that late is the new on time?

Carry on, mamas. You’ll definitely make it on time tomorrow. ?

Psst. Get weekly inspiration for the #momlife, plus a few tricks that justmight help you get there on time. Join Motherly.

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By its very nature, motherhood requires some lifestyle adjustments: Instead of staying up late with friends, you get up early for snuggles with your baby. Instead of spontaneous date nights with your honey, you take afternoon family strolls with your little love. Instead of running out of the house with just your keys and phone, you only leave with a fully loaded diaper bag.

For breastfeeding or pumping mamas, there is an additional layer of consideration around when, how and how much your baby will eat. Thankfully, when it comes to effective solutions for nursing or bottle-feeding your baby, Dr. Brown's puts the considerations of mamas and their babies first with products that help with every step of the process—from comfortably adjusting to nursing your newborn to introducing a bottle to efficiently pumping.

With countless hours spent breastfeeding, pumping and bottle-feeding, the editors at Motherly know the secret to success is having dependable supplies that can help you feed your baby in a way that matches lifestyle.

Here are 9 breastfeeding and pumping products to help you no matter what the day holds.

Customflow™ Double Electric Breast Pump

Dr. Brown's electric pump

For efficient, productive pumping sessions, a double electric breast pump will help you get the job done as quickly as possible. Quiet for nighttime pumping sessions and compact for bringing along to work, this double pump puts you in control with fully adjustable settings.

$159.99

Hands-Free Pumping Bra

Dr. Brown''s hands free pumping bra

Especially in the early days, feeding your baby can feel like a pretty consuming task. A hands-free pumping bra will help you reclaim some of your precious time while pumping—and all mamas will know just how valuable more time can be!

$29.99

Manual Breast Pump with SoftShape™ Silicone Shield

Dr. Brown's manual breast pump

If you live a life that sometimes takes you away from electrical outlets (that's most of us!), then you'll absolutely want a manual breast pump in your arsenal. With two pumping modes to promote efficient milk expression and a comfort-fitted shield, a manual pump is simply the most convenient pump to take along and use. Although it may not get as much glory as an electric pump, we really appreciate how quick and easy this manual pump is to use—and how liberating it is not to stress about finding a power supply.

$29.99

Nipple Shields and Sterilization Case

Dr. Brown's nipple shields

There is a bit of a learning curve to breastfeeding—for both mamas and babies. Thankfully, even if there are some physical challenges (like inverted nipples or a baby's tongue tie) or nursing doesn't click right away, silicone nipple shields can be a huge help. With a convenient carry case that can be sterilized in the microwave, you don't have to worry about germs or bacteria either. 🙌

$9.99

Silicone One-Piece Breast Pump

Dr. Brown's silicone pump

When you are feeding your baby on one breast, the other can still experience milk letdown—which means it's a golden opportunity to save some additional milk. With a silent, hands-free silicone pump, you can easily collect milk while nursing.

$14.99

Breast to Bottle Pump & Store Feeding Set

After a lifetime of nursing from the breast, introducing a bottle can be a bit of a strange experience for babies. Dr. Brown's Options+™ and slow flow bottle nipples were designed with this in mind to make the introduction to bottles smooth and pleasant for parents and babies. As a set that seamlessly works together from pumping to storing milk to bottle feeding, you don't have to stress about having everything you need to keep your baby fed and happy either.

$24.99

Washable Breast Pads

washable breast pads

Mamas' bodies are amazingly made to help breast milk flow when it's in demand—but occasionally also at other times. Especially as your supply is establishing or your breasts are fuller as the length between feeding sessions increase, it's helpful to use washable nursing pads to prevent breast milk from leaking through your bra.

$8.99

Breast Milk Storage Bags

Dr. Brown's milk storage bags

The essential for mamas who do any pumping, breast milk storage bags allow you to easily and safely seal expressed milk in the refrigerator or freezer. Dr. Brown's™ Breast Milk Storage Bags take it even further with extra thick walls that block out scents from other food items and feature an ultra secure lock to prevent leaking.

$7.99


Watch one mama's review of the new Dr. Brown's breastfeeding line here:

This article was sponsored by Dr. Brown's. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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