My throat burns, my eyes hurt, I'm tired, shaking, and ashamed...THIS is real motherhood.
Before you send me your love notes saying, 'You're doing a great job, momma,' or your advice, 'have you tried...?' Let me say this, as much as I love your support and guidance, I post these moments not for me, but because society has created this monster in motherhood.
This monster that says we are supposed to be perfect, look perfect, and post the pretty. I, personally, feel so isolated by the image society has created for me, scared that in these moments when I should feel like I need to reach out for help, I will be judged instead.
I think one of the hard parts of motherhood is that you can have a wonderful, engaged, memorable even day with your children and STILL have moments like these, moments when you question your sanity, moments when you question your ability, moments that crush you.
What am I crying about? Well, it could be a mixture of many things. Lack of sleep due to teething and my rigorous schedule, lack of time for myself, lack of naps, anxiety, depression, relationships, money, housekeeping, feedings, threenager, infants, twins...
What DON'T moms have to deal with?
In the end, it doesn't matter why. My kids are alive and healthy, and I could have much bigger things to cry about. But, that doesn't make me any less ashamed for yelling at my kids, having feelings that don't make me "normal" according to society's mom standards, putting my twins to bed early, or needing a second to myself and hiding in a room away from my 3-year-old while he watches TV.
Please, don't feel sorry for me and please be gentle (with everyone, you never know what people are going through!)
I just feel like this is my civic duty to post and tell whoever's out there right now crying that you aren't alone, that you are normal and that it's going to be alright.
Now, I'm off to say my sorrys and remind my kiddos that no matter what mistakes I make I always love them.