Moms Don't Need to Tear Each Other Down

Moms need to stop tearing each other down—end of discussion. Matter of fact, it really shouldn’t be a discussion in the first place. It should be common courtesy. It’s something that I have witnessed far more often than not amongst women. In mom “support” groups, under Facebook posts, at school pick-ups, in the grocery store. Moms are so apt to tear each other down. And it needs to stop—now.

In the one guaranteed area where mothers should be provided a safe space, we instead build our walls of defense and block each other out. And from one mama to every other mom—it shouldn’t be this way. It needs to be moms supporting other moms.

Because mothers already lack support within society, within their workplaces and within their homes. So why do we deny ourselves the opportunity to come together and support each other? In a day and age where we need more encouragement and reassurance, we can barely even find that amongst other moms.

Instead, we meet each other with quick and harsh judgment. We belittle another mama’s experience without even knowing her full story. If another mom doesn’t do something the way that we do it, we are quick to cast her aside. Perhaps we are sometimes far more hard on each other than anybody else is on mothers as a collective.

We need to learn how to advocate for each other—even in the midst of our differences.

With the differences across mothering in the many generations that there are, we are slow to try to understand how things have changed and how they will continue to change. The ways many women mothered years ago isn’t the same way a lot of women are mothering now. And the same way that women are mothering now won’t be the same way that women are mothering ten or twenty years from this point.

And that’s OK—or at least it should be. Because we are all learning and evolving. We are all adapting to raising children in this ever-changing world. We are all trying to keep our children safe and out of harm’s way. We are all learning to navigate motherhood and not lose ourselves in the midst of it.

Yes, the choices we make for ourselves and for our families may look different. We may have different values and beliefs about raising children. But why tear each other down when we are all simply trying our best with what we know?

Too often, we view one another as a competition or a threat. But we are not either or—or at least we shouldn’t deem each other as so. We need the support of one another now more than ever.

We need to learn how to advocate for each other—even in the midst of our differences. We need to stand up for mothers, and that starts with how we show up for each other.

So rather than being quick to cast judgment because we have different ways of mothering, why don’t we recognize that perhaps every mama is simply living in her truth? And every experience of motherhood has its own differences—different backgrounds, cultures, traditions, values, beliefs and so on.

Why use our words to tear each other down? Why envy what another mama has—or judge what she lacks? Why be hostile with each other when we can be the one soft space that every mother so desperately wants—and needs?

As the saying goes, misery loves company—but we don’t have to make motherhood a miserable experience for every mom. We don’t have to drag other mamas down in the midst of our own hardships.

Because we already have it tough enough as is. Our work is cut out for us every single day. We’re constantly jumping over hurdles, making our way around barriers and trying to prove our worth as mothers in today’s world. Let’s not make it that way amongst each other as well. Let’s stop tearing each other down. Let’s support one another and be the soft space that every mama needs. Because it’s all about moms supporting each other.

It starts with me. And it starts with you, too, mama.