She’s not a mom—but Nani from Lilo & Stitch shows what real motherhood looks like

As the live-action remake stirs nostalgia, it’s time we talk about the invisible labor, heartbreak, and devotion behind Nani Pelekai’s unsung heroism.

When we think of iconic Disney “moms,” the list is painfully short. Most are either missing, sidelined, or reduced to backstory. But in the heart of Lilo & Stitch lives one of Disney’s most powerful portrayals of motherhood—and she’s not even a mom.

She’s Nani Pelekai, Lilo’s big sister.

With Disney’s live-action remake generating fresh buzz, many are revisiting the 2002 animated classic. And for a new generation of parents watching alongside their kids, Nani’s role hits differently now. Because while Stitch may be the marketing star, Nani is the emotional anchor—the quiet, overworked, fiercely loving caregiver doing everything she can to hold her family together.

She didn’t choose this role—but she owns it with grace

After the sudden loss of both parents, Nani, barely out of her teens, becomes Lilo’s legal guardian. She’s juggling rent, grief, job loss, and a looming threat of separation—all while raising a spirited child who’s grieving in her own way.

This isn’t just sibling caretaking. It’s what psychologists call parentification—when a child or teen is forced to assume the responsibilities of a parent due to trauma or instability. Research in the Journal of Child and Family Studies confirms that this role reversal, while often invisible to others, can have long-term emotional impacts.

And yet, Nani carries it all with fierce love, protective instinct, and a quiet resilience that’s hard to look away from.

Watching the remake with my kids hit harder than I expected

When I watched the live-action Lilo & Stitch with my 7-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter, I expected giggles and nostalgia. I didn’t expect to tear up when Lilo looked Nani in the eye and said, “I like you better as a sister than a mother.”

Nani just mutters, “Ouch.”

That moment gutted me. I’ve felt that same sting as a mom—when your love gets misinterpreted as control, when you’re doing your best and it’s still misunderstood. I saw myself in Nani. And I saw my daughter in Lilo—her fierce independence, her big feelings, her inability (for now) to see the full picture.

And later, when Tūtū and Lilo encourage Nani to go back to school—to build a future for herself as well as for her family—I was reminded: being part of a family doesn’t mean losing yourself. Sometimes, love means nudging each other forward, not just holding each other together.

Related: This is the ‘invisibility of motherhood’—and it starts long before actually having kids

Ohana is everything—but it doesn’t mean self-sacrifice

“‘Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” It’s one of Disney’s most quoted lines—but Nani doesn’t just say it. She lives it.

Reddit user @Bionic_Ferir described Hawaiian ohana beautifully:

“Family in Hawaii isn’t just blood. Any elder is your auntie or uncle. Anyone your age is a cousin… If they stop by to say hi or bring you mangos from their yard, you feed them a full meal. You take care of your elders and help with all the keiki (kids). Ohana is everyone you care about and love.”

That’s the kind of love Nani extends not only to Lilo, but to Stitch—a misunderstood outsider who turns their world upside down. And she never stops making room—for mess, for growth, for healing.

Related: The way this 9-year-old carries his baby brother? We weren’t ready

For the older sisters who stepped up—or the moms raising one now

If you were the one packing school lunches, walking siblings to the bus stop, or shouldering responsibilities too early—you might recognize yourself in Nani.

If you’re raising a daughter with a tender heart and fierce loyalty, the kind of girl who notices what others need before they ask—you’re raising a Nani, too.

Her love story isn’t romantic. It’s raw, maternal, and deeply human. And it deserves to be recognized.

“She’s not failing. She’s fighting—for her sister, her family, and her right to still have a future of her own.”

Let’s give Nani the credit she deserves

As more viewers rediscover Lilo & Stitch, we have a chance to shift the spotlight—toward the sisters, aunties, grandmothers, and chosen-family caregivers who quietly held everything together.

Let’s name them. Let’s thank them. Let’s raise our kids to recognize them as heroes, too.

Because not all heroes wear crowns. Some wear flip-flops, chase alien dogs, and fight for a little girl’s future with everything they’ve got.

More from Motherly:

• Invisible labor: What it is—and how to make it visible in your relationship
• How to support an older sibling after family loss
• Raising strong girls: How to nurture leadership in daughters

Sources:

• Hooper, L. M., Doehler, K., Wallace, S. A., & Hannah, N. J. (2011). The Parentification Inventory: Development, validation, and cross-validation. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 40(3), 291–306.
• Earley, L., & Cushway, D. (2002). The parentified child. Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 7(2), 163–178.
• American Psychological Association. (2022). “The impact of early caregiving roles on mental health outcomes.”