To fix how much moms are burnt out, we need to learn how to set boundaries
Here are nine steps to help you learn how to say no

[Editor's note: When we shared 'Self-care' is not enough to fix how much moms are burnt out, the response was overwhelming. It hit a nerve, as mothers from across the globe expressed their collective burnout. We heard two things: 1). I feel that way too, and 2). How do we fix this? In response, Motherly introduces our new editorial franchise offering expert-based solutions that address the very real burnout that mothers are facing. It is not going to be easy to make this better, but if we take small steps and work together, we can impact serious change.]
After a full day of work and being with my kids, I am exhausted. It is not an unfamiliar feeling, as I know many mothers—close friends and clients—echo similar sentiments. It is a common experience that women are exhausted at the end of the day. Many describe it as being "touched out" and others are experiencing the impacts of burn out.
Then, a text comes in from a dear friend, asking me for help.
"Just say yes, Tracy," my internal dialogue tells me. "Don't let others down. You don't want to upset your friend. It won't take that long."
This dialogue is a strong one—it tells me to ignore what I am feeling at this moment and it tells me to care for others without considering what I need.
So I plow forward and give what the other person is asking. Afterward, I collapse even further into my bed, none the more rested than when I first laid down.
Women often care for others before we care for ourselves. We are used to being the primary caregivers, so naturally, we put others first.
We are trying to balance heavier loads than ever before. Work. Children. Friendships. Household. Relationships. Family. Our own interests and well-being. It becomes impossible to manage all of the demands that are placed on us. And yet we keep caring and giving to others.
There are many signs that you tend to be a caregiver and put others first:
- You don't say no to others as you feel guilty
- You don't suggest something or do something your way
- You don't ask your partner for help but easily offer to help them
- You constantly feel drained and tired from others' requests.
- You describe yourself as a "doer." You thrive on doing things, instead of allowing yourself to be in the moment. As a "doer," you are busy thinking of the next moment, and you feel filled up when you care for others.
- You hold yourself to a high standard and keep caring for others because you hate letting others down. And, you might even begin to feel resentful over time.
You might also like:
- To fix how much moms are burnt out, we need to prioritize sleep
- 8 ways to put yourself first, mama
- To the mom who is spread way too thin—it's time to start saying 'no'