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I’m tired.

A phrase I’ve said almost every day since becoming a mother. I’ve said it to my kids, my husband and myself. It’s a shock to the system, how tiring motherhood is. There is truly no way to prepare.


And I’ve sure looked the part. That stereotypical stay-at-home mom in her pajamas, shuffling her feet though the produce section of the grocery store, shushing babies, appeasing toddlers, shoulders hunched and face ashen in exhaustion, looking like she’s completely given up—I’ve been her.

Why are you tired? Someone might say in return.

Why? Here’s why Mommy is tired.

At 3 a.m., one of you rustles in your sleep. Pushes off a blanket. I am jerked awake immediately.

Which one of you moved? Is something wrong? The neighbor was puking the other day, I’ll recall. Is one of you going to puke? What if you all get it? What if I get it? Next weekend is the baseball tournament and the school talent show. Oh no.

No. You’re all quiet now. No puke tonight.

But now that I’m wide awake, let’s think about stuff.

Did I make flu shot appointments? The 8-year-old needs new shoes before the talent show. And the 6-year-old needs a gift for that birthday party Saturday. Can’t forget. Maybe I should get up and write that on a post-it. And might as well check on all the kids while I’m up. Oh look, this one peed the bed.

Twenty minutes later, I’m back in bed.

Close your eyes, Mommy, I say to myself. It’s 4 a.m. You can get two more hours in…But what if my six-year-old doesn’t get placed on her best friend’s softball team? She’ll be devastated. How will I break that to her…

And it’s not just insomnia that tires Mommy.

It’s the fears. Oh God, the fears. Of bullies. And guns. And predators. And childhood cancer. And Lyme Disease. And drowning. And crossing the street without looking and peanut allergies and plane crashes and….

The fears are so incredibly exhausting.

And if we get a break from the fears, next comes the pressures we put on ourselves.

Susan down the street says HER son is done with diapers. Ugh. I need to start. And the kindergartner next door knows ALL her sight words. What if my kid falls behind? And I can’t get my four-year-old to drink his milk or eat a vegetable. What his insides must look like. And the eight-year-old is playing too many video games. We need a time chart to monitor his gaming. Need to work on that. Find the time. Make it a priority. All of it. Need to do better!

But Mommy! You need to take care of you. You need to work on self-care. Then you’d be less tired.

Right. Hmmm when can I work out tomorrow? Better get up at 5 a.m. and do it or else I’ll never get it done. 5 a.m...That sounds terrible. I need to make that doctor’s appointment. I haven’t had a physical in five years. I read somewhere about hormonal issues and thyroid issues and pre-menopause and they all sounded oddly familiar...Need to make that a priority. Need to remember to call. Write it on a post-it.

I am tired of trying to fit in self-care. And tired of being tired because there’s no time for self-care.

Why else is Mommy tired?

I am tired because it’s 2:00 in the afternoon and I’ve survived on coffee and the last of my daughter’s crusty cold oatmeal so far today.

I am tired of being endlessly needed, yet invisible.

I am tired of “Where’s my uniform?” and “I need poster-board” and “I’m out of underwear” and “What’s for dinner?” and doing all the things and making it all work like a ghost that floats through the house. The laundry gets washed, folded and put away without anyone realizing it. The groceries are bought, the food is cooked, the floor is swept and the sheets are changed. The uniform is hung up, ready for the next game, the school supplies are purchased and ready for the project on Mt. Vesuvius. The bills are paid, the dry-cleaning is picked up, the garbage is put out by the curb on Tuesdays.

And it’s like no one sees any of it happen. It’s all behind the scenes.

I am the inconspicuous stage manager, putting out scenery and props, dressed in all black, while the audience watches the performance from their seats.

Dinner. I am so tired of battling over dinner. I am tired of tripping over shoes no one put away and refereeing fights over a green marble as I spend an hour in the kitchen chopping, seasoning, and sauteing food that heaven forbid has something green in it.

And hearing “Ew. Mommy, what is this?”

(You’re welcome.)

I’m so tired at 8 p.m. after a day of mothering and worrying and washing and wiping and fixing and managing and refereeing, but then I stay up too late, desperate for an hour or two of no one saying, “Mommy can you…” or “Mommy I need…”

I watch the clock…10 p.m., 11 p.m…

Go to bed, a voice says. But I feel so peaceful and free. Tomorrow night I’ll go to bed early. But not tonight. I need this.

I’m tired of trying to do it all, knowing I can’t do it all, but being unable to stop trying to do it all.

I’m tired of knowing I am on a never-ending quest for perfectionism and appreciation and self-worth and value. I’m tired of not knowing what I need when someone says “How can I help?”

Where do I begin?

I am tired for so many reasons.

I’m tired of doing dishes and laundry and wiping butts and never having an empty sink, the laundry done, or a house that doesn’t smell like poop.

I’m tired of knowing it will never get done. Ever. Yet I have to keep doing it. Because it’s my job.

I am tired of barking and lecturing and nagging and saying the same exact sentences 896 times a day.

I am tired of no one listening the first time. EVER.

I am tired of being angry and frustrated with my kids.

I am tired of being angry and frustrated with myself for getting angry and frustrated with my kids. Because they are just kids.

I am tired of dust bunnies and Cheez-it crumbs and little boys missing the toilet and “Oops, Mommy. I spilled my milk!”

I am tired of walking into clean, organized homes and wondering how they do it. And what is wrong with me that I can’t get it together?

I am so tired of not having it together.

I am tired of competing with the unrealistic version of who I think I should be.

I am tired of realizing at the end of the day that I was too tired to enjoy the giggles and tickles and hugs and snuggles.

But I vow to be less tired tomorrow.

Because I don’t want to look back and realize I missed it all.

I just need to go to bed early tonight.

Who said motherhood doesn't come with a manual?

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Finding the person you want to spend your life with is never easy, but when you're a parent, there's an extra layer of consideration. You're not just choosing the person you will spend lazy Sundays (and hurried weekday mornings) with—you're choosing the person your children will spend them with, too.

And when that person has children of their own, things get even more complicated. Blending two families isn't easy, but it can be beautiful, as Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez prove.

Each half of this power couple has two children each, and they're doing their best to make their relationship work not just for each other, but for those four children, too.

"We love each other and we love our life together," Lopez recently told People. "I was so loving to his kids and he was so loving and accepting of mine, and they embraced each other right away. [It was] 'I get a new bonus brother and sisters to hang out with all the time and it's nice.'"

A Rod agrees, telling People: "Our kids have become best friends and that keeps us both grounded and appreciative."

Here are five ways J Lo and A-Rod are totally #parentinggoals when it comes to balancing the needs of their blended family.

1.They bring the kids together

Lopez and Rodriguez each spend time with their own children, but they also bring all four kids (Lopez shares 10-year-old twins Maximilian and Emme with her ex, Marc Anthony, and Rodriguez shares daughters Ella, 10, and Natasha, 13, with his ex, Cynthia Scurtis) together for fun family outings, like ice cream dates and basketball games.

Research indicates that about 14% of kids in step families don't feel like they belong in their family, and report that their family doesn't have fun together. By bringing the kids together for fun family times, Lopez and Rodriguez are encouraging a sense of family belonging outside the relationship they have with each of the kids individually. Studies suggest an adolescents' sense of family belonging is linked to their overall well-being. So this ice cream date is actually healthy, in a way.

​2. They consider their children's other parents family, too

If their Instagrams are any indication, Rodriguez and Lopez have a great time hanging out with their blended family, but they understand that their children have other family members, too, and they don't mind hanging out with them.

A recent Instagram post proves Rodriguez considers Marc Anthony #famila, and that's how it should be.

Studies show supportive communication between a parent and their ex-partner's new partner is good for the family as a whole. Likewise, when the relationship between a parent and a stepparent is antagonistic, relationships beyond their own stuffer. It's truly better if a parent's co-parent and their current partner can hang.

3. They’re a united front with their co-parents

Rodriguez considers J Lo's ex family, and he also doesn't forget that (despite legal disagreements) his ex-wife plays a big role in his daughter's lives. So he celebrates their big co-parenting moments, like parent-teacher night.

Lopez, too, celebrates the times she and Anthony get together for their twins' big moments, recently telling Kelly Rippa the two are now in a really great place, and basically best friends. "The kids get to spend time with the two of us more together and see us working together," she said."It's just good for the whole family," says Lopez.

4. They make time for each other without the kids

Having all four kids together at once looks like fun, but hanging out with three 10-year-olds and a teen also sounds like it could be a little exhausting. That's why the couple takes time to unwind, without the kids, when they can.

As J Lo wrote in a recent Instagram post, "it's the lil quiet moments that matter the most."

5. They're doing it their way

Back in April Lopez was asked whether or not she and A Rod would be getting married soon (thanks to a Spanish language single "El Anillo," which is Spanish for "The Ring"), she told People, she's not in any rush, despite the song.

"I've done that before. I'm a little bit more grown up now, and I like to let things take their natural course," she said. "I know people are going to say that… we are really kind of good for each other and are really having the best time, and our kids love each other and all that."

[A version of this story was originally published July 12, 2018.]

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With the many blessings of multiple kids, comes the challenge of needing even more gear—gear that's guaranteed to go the extra mile. With storage space already at a premium, you can probably get away with some new baby clothes. But multiplying the number of strollers in the garage? That's not going to fly.

But with the new Nuna DEMI™ grow stroller, "less is more" is truly the answer to your problems.

1. It has every seat arrangement you could need

Strollers can be complex enough when you only need one seat. Add in another baby and shopping for a perfect fit can feel like enough to make you spend the next few years at home. But, with the Nuna DEMI™ grow stroller, you don't have to know exactly how your kids will want to sit for the rest of time. It offers 23 modes, making for clever convertibility, for whichever way your family may grow. Simply add to DEMI grow as you need.

2. You’re spared the stroller wrestling match

When you're toting around two kids, the last thing you need is an uncooperative stroller. With the Nuna DEMI™ grow, you can do a remarkable number of things with just a touch (or less than that if you're really creative). From a one-hand adjustable calf support, to one-touch brake to easy folding it up, you don't need to call backup just to get back into the car from your outing.

Bonus: The no-rethread harness on the compatible Nuna PIPA™ series car seats enables you to easily raise or lower the straps without the headache of unhooking and rerouting them each time your baby goes through a growth spurt.

3. It ensures comfort—no matter who is sitting where

Not only are there 23 different modes, but each seat is made to feel like the "best" one. With options to recline, kick up their feet and keep the sun out of their eyes with UPF 50+ canopies, you won't have to referee the "but I want to sit there" battle. (Moms of toddlers, you'll know why this is such an important detail.)

4. It’s designed for year-round adventures

For any mama who has been struck with fear from the sight of a bumpy sidewalk, worry no more. With ultra-tough, foam-filled tires and custom dual suspension, the Nuna DEMI™ grow stroller is designed to tackle just about any terrain all while keeping your little ones comfy in their seats. The seats themselves were also designed for maximum comfort, no matter the temperature: With an all-season seat, the padded exterior can easily be removed to expose the breathable mesh lining when you're out and about on hot days.

5. You don’t have to predict the future of your family

When researching and buying a new stroller, it can feel like you need to have exact plans for the future of your family mapped out.

But with the Nuna DEMI™ grow, you don't need to worry about all those plans right now. Whether you just need one seat, two seats, bassinet or car seats, this single stroller has you covered and grows as you need it.

That way, you can worry less about predicting your family's future—and enjoy exactly where it is today even more.

This article was sponsored by Nuna. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

If you use U by Kotex tampons, you should check your box before your next period, mama.

Regular absorbency U by Kotex Sleek Tampons are being recalled throughout the U.S. and Canada. According to the FDA, defective tampons have been coming apart when people tried to remove them, "in some cases causing users to seek medical attention to remove tampon pieces left in the body."

The FDA notes that there have also been a "small number of reports of infections, vaginal irritation, localized vaginal injury, and other symptoms."

In a statement on its website, U by Kotex explains that the recall is specific to the U by Kotex Sleek Tampons, Regular Absorbency only. The Super Absorbency or Super Plus Absorbency tampons are not part of the recall.

The recall is for specific lots of the Regular Absorbency tampons manufactured between October 7, 2016 and October 16, 2018.

The lot numbers start with NN (or XM, for small, 3 count packages) and can be found near the barcode on the bottom of the box.

To check if your tampons are part of the recall, type your lot number into this form on the U by Kotex site.


The FDA says if you've used the tampons and are experiencing the following you should seek immediate medical attention:

  • vaginal injury (pain, bleeding, or discomfort)
  • vaginal irritation (itching or swelling)
  • urogenital infections (bladder and/or vaginal bacterial and/or yeast infections)
  • hot flashes
  • abdominal pain
  • nausea or vomiting

If you have a package of the recalled tampons you should not use them and should call Kotex's parent company, Kimberly-Clark at 1-888-255-3499. On its website U by Kotex asks consumers not to return the tampons to stores.

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I grew up watching the Fresh Prince of Bel Air so pretty much anytime Will Smith pops up on my Facebook feed, I click. (Also, I happen to live near West Philadelphia, so you know, there's a lot of theme song singing. My husband finds me hysterical.)

Anyway...

The last time I clicked on a Will Smith video, he was telling a story about when he went skydiving. He had made the decision to go with his friends, and then spent the whole night and morning leading up to it terrified, envisioning all the things that could go wrong.

When he was finally up in the plane, the guide explained that they would jump on the count of three. "One… two…" except they push you out on "two" because everyone throws their arms out and stops themselves at "three." So before he knew it, he was flying.

And he found it to be absolutely amazing.

He said, "The point of maximum danger is the point of minimum fear. It's bliss. The lesson for me was, why were you scared in your bed the night before? What do you need that fear for? You're nowhere even near the airplane. Everything up to the stepping out, there's actually no reason to be scared. It only just ruins your day… the best things in life [are] on the other side of [fear]."

Motherhood is skydiving.

If someone came up to you one day and said, "Hey. I have this job for you. You are going to grow a human in your body, kind of like it's an alien. And then that human is going to come out of your body—and that process is really intense. And then the human will be really helpless and you will have to turn it into a fully functioning adult with an important place in this world. Okay… go!"

You'd smile politely and walk run away as fast as you could.

Because if you think about it, the idea of doing all of that—motherhoodis pretty terrifying. The amount of responsibility and work is sort of incomprehensible.

The grand scheme of motherhood is scary.

The thing is, though, that the grand scheme of motherhood is actually made up of millions of tiny moments in which you will be a total boss.

Whether it's a jump-out-of-the-plane moment, or a get-the-toddler-out-of-the-car-seat moment, you will face it with bravery.

Remember, being brave isn't the absence of fear, it's being afraid and doing it anyway.

Being brave is taking a pregnancy test—and seeing that it's positive. Or seeing that it's negative, again.

Being brave is waiting for the adoption agency to call you and tell you that she's here.

Being brave is watching your body change in a hundred ways, and lovingly rubbing your belly as it does.

Being brave is giving your body over to the process of bringing your baby into the world—yes, even if you cry, or complain, or cry and complain. You're still brave. Promise.

Being brave is bringing that baby home for the first time. Oh, so much bravery needed for that one.

Being brave is giving that first bath, going to that first pediatrician visit, spending that first full day at home, alone, with the baby,

Being brave is your first day back at work—or making the phone call to tell them you won't actually be coming back at all.

Being brave is ignoring all the noise around you, and parenting your child the way you know is best for your family.

Being brave is letting go of her hands when she takes her first steps.

Being brave is sitting next to her and smiling when you're in the emergency room for croup—and then sobbing when you get home.

Being brave is bringing her to her first day of school—and going home without her.

Being brave is saying "yes" to her first sleepover and "no" to her first car.

Being brave is hugging her the first time her heart breaks, when your heart might possibly hurt even more than hers does.

Being brave is listening quietly when she tells you she plans to "travel the world."

Being brave is bringing her to her first day of college—and going home without her.

Being brave is watching her commit her life to another person, who is not you.

Being brave is watching her become a mother.

And one day, sweet, brave mama, you'll look back and realize that you just jumped out of an airplane—you raised a child.

All of the things that seemed terrifyingly impossible—you just…do them. One at a time. You will wake up every day a little bit braver than the day before. And before you know it, you can look back on any aspect of motherhood and realize that little by little, you just increased your flying altitude.

Things that was seemed daunting are handled with ease. Ideas that once seemed impossible have become your reality one thousand times over.

So yes, motherhood is incredibly scary. But you are incredibly brave.

One... two... jump!

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