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10 Ways To Find Humor Postpartum

Because infant poop and the pads you wear after birth are funny.

10 Ways To Find Humor Postpartum

Making a human is serious business, and now that they are safely out of womb, it’s time to laugh again! Seriously. This baby-birthing stuff is hard and overwhelming and forever life-altering. Don’t lose your sense of humor now! You’re gonna need it. That, and wine. So much wine.

 

Here are 10 things that we all should laugh about once baby is born.

 

1. The pads they send you home with are thick as hoagie rolls. It’s like riding a giant cheesesteak. Or a horse. Saddle up and laugh!

2. Your post-baby stomach feels like dough. Go ahead and poke your belly button and exclaim “hehe!” like that adorable little dude made of the stuff. It’s pretty fun!

3. The baby doesn't sleep, so you don’t sleep. Use that new-parent fog for a good time! You’re so exhausted that your partner’s jokes are funnier (or maybe funny for the first time ever!) Punch-drunk, much? Yeah!

4. Infant poop. It’s yellow. It’s runny. It’s seedy. You’ve seen the charts, and you’ve heard the stories, and it could come out of your infant’s butt at any moment without warning! Yes it’s gross, it’s smelly, and most of the time, all over you, but sometimes poop happens at the perfect moment. Like when your mother in-law is changing a diaper. And it’s hilarious.

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5. Everything is so little. Like, you’ve never seen such teeny socks. Have a pet? Put infant socks on them (only if they’re ok with it, of course.) It’s hilarious, if not adorable! Disclaimer: I’ve only tried this on my dog, so if you have a hamster or turtle or something, it may not have the same effect. Let me know how it goes!

6. Hand your baby to your childless friend. Leave to use the bathroom. Secretly watch them from afar. This is one of my favorites because it is hi-larious. But be careful. Don’t laugh too loud or they'll catch you and hand ‘em back!

7. Have a drink! You haven't had one in how many months?? You can indulge again, so pop that bubbly, mix that marg, or shoot that shot. Hell, do all three! Now strike up a conversation with another adult. Remember how interesting, witty, and LOL you are? Yesss!

8. Late night TV! And I mean, really late night. Like 3am. You’ll be up feeding the baby and that’s the perfect chance to catch the weird stuff! QVC at that time is a hoot, and there are wacky infomercials galore! What about your local public access channels? Ever wonder what the heck is going on there? I bet it’s funny!

9. Fluids Are Funny. Between the baby throw-up, bloody vagina, peeing yourself, and breast milk, it’s a cornucopia of comedy. Embrace it. No shame in your leakage game! It can happen at very inopportune times, and the old you would have been mortified. But now you are a warrior. A little pee pee in your pants at the checkout line or breast milk stain on your silk blouse in that big meeting are opportunities to laugh. What else can you do?

10. All the charts about said fluids. Who would have thought that you'd be keeping tabs of baby poop and other bodily fluids? Now that you have a baby to care for, you'll be keeping notes of everything that comes in and out of baby (and of you). It's part of the fun of keeping a shiny-new human alive while going through the biggest emotional, hormonal, and physical life change a person could go through. Just remember that, as you are scribbling down how many times you breastfeed or changed a diaper on the chart they give you when you leave the hospital and you start tearing up and wondering if you're doing it right. Remind yourself that you are a grown woman wearing a diaper. Now that's the kind of twinning with your baby we can all laugh about, right?

Jamie Aderski is an actress, comedian, and writer, originally from South Jersey. Jamie has been featured in sketches for Comedy Central, UCB Comedy, Elite Daily, and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. She has appeared in several national commercials, and in print ads with babies and stuff. Inspired by real things and imaginary things in her head, Jamie is the writer and performer of character pieces. Her newest one-woman show, Cry Baby: My (Reluctant) Journey Into Motherhood was a part of the 2016 SOLOCOM Festival in NYC. To learn more about the show and get tickets, go here.

I felt lost as a new mother, but babywearing helped me find myself again

I wish someone had told me before how special wearing your baby can be, even when you have no idea how to do it.

My first baby and I were alone in our Brooklyn apartment during a particularly cold spring with yet another day of no plans. My husband was back at work after a mere three weeks of parental leave (what a joke!) and all my friends were busy with their childless lives—which kept them too busy to stop by or check in (making me, at times, feel jealous).

It was another day in which I would wait for baby to fall asleep for nap number one so I could shower and get ready to attempt to get out of the house together to do something, anything really, so I wouldn't feel the walls of the apartment close in on me by the time the second nap rolled around. I would pack all the diapers and toys and pacifiers and pump and bottles into a ginormous stroller that was already too heavy to push without a baby in it .

Then I would spend so much time figuring out where we could go with said stroller, because I wanted to avoid places with steps or narrow doors (I couldn't lift the stroller by myself and I was too embarrassed to ask strangers for help—also hi, New Yorkers, please help new moms when you see them huffing and puffing up the subway stairs, okay?). Then I would obsess about the weather, was it too cold to bring the baby out? And by the time I thought I had our adventure planned, the baby would wake up, I would still be in my PJs and it was time to pump yet again.

Slowly, but surely, and mostly thanks to sleep deprivation and isolation, I began to detest this whole new mom life. I've always been a social butterfly. I moved to New York because I craved that non-stop energy the city has and in the years before having my baby I amassed new friends I made through my daily adventures. I would never stop. I would walk everywhere just to take in the scenery and was always on the move.

Now I had this ball and chain attached to me, I thought, that didn't even allow me to make it out of the door to walk the dog. This sucks, I would think regularly, followed by maybe I'm not meant to be a mom after all.


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