Menu

I Had Two Miscarriages in Six Months

A mama tells us how her miscarriages almost broke her... until she got pregnant again.

I Had Two Miscarriages in Six Months

I love celebrating my birthday, catching up with my nearest and dearest friends over pizza. But in 2015, the occasion was extra special, as I was planning on announcing my pregnancy to everyone in attendance. Eventually, I changed my mind and confided in only two friends that I was expecting. Tears of happiness fell. Little did I know that my journey to becoming a mother would be much longer and more tumultuous than I could have imagined.

Three days after the birthday cheers, I shed tears of a different kind. My doctor informed me that I had miscarried. She assured me that the miscarriage was natural, that it was not my fault for doing or not doing something, but I found no comfort in her words.

FEATURED VIDEO

The following months were difficult. As everyone around me was getting into the holiday spirit, I struggled to keep my chin up and smile while visiting family. Instead, I wanted to disappear and hide away so I didn’t have to talk about the elephant in the room. It wasn’t until we were on our way back home to San Francisco that I began to settle into some peace and start to feel a new hope blossom within me. That is, until a month later, when I found myself staring at all the pregnancy tests shelved at the drugstore. I was flushed with anxiety.

I got home, tests in hands, but couldn’t bring myself to look at the results alone so I waited for my husband. Sure enough, the stick showed a positive sign. I was pregnant.

How could this be, so soon after a miscarriage? I knew I only needed one normal menstrual cycle to get back on track, but still -- it all felt so rushed. With the emotional fragments that remained from my miscarriage, I tried my best to stifle the excitement. In vain.

My maternal desire kicked into full gear, and with controlled enthusiasm, my husband and I sat in the observation room, waiting to see our growing baby. We waited for what felt like an eternity and made awkward small talk -- mainly to avoid asking the looming question: what if it’s another miscarriage?

Once in the exam room, the nurse practitioner asked me questions about my history and proceeded with the ultrasound. As I was trying to focus on the monitor, I couldn’t help but study the nurse’s face. There was no sign of hope or joy.

“It’s like deja-vu,” my husband whispered, holding my hand tight. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I knew. There was no baby. Again.

The news and expectation of a second miscarriage paralyzed me. I entered a phase of darkness and loneliness. I cried a lot, and I stared at myself in the mirror periodically, waiting for my body to change back. My marriage suffered, too, as tension permeated the air in our one-bedroom apartment. It was the hardest time of my life.

I eventually reached outside my family and friends and started to see a therapist. We only met a couple times, but our sessions were invaluable. I talked, she listened. I cried, she let me. “Was I broken?”, I wondered. She told me that the emotions I experienced were completely normal and natural, that I wasn’t broken. It was simply my new path of life. I had suffered a loss, and it deserved room to swell, age, and teach before it could be packed away.

Fast forward a few months, to August 2016. The family vacation at our Michigan lakehouse started out on a positive note: it was my birthday, my family surrounded me, I was in one of my happiest places on Earth, and the darkness from my miscarriages had started to fade. Then one afternoon, I saw the tampons I had packed for the trip and realized my cycle hadn’t come. My heart dropped, and I suddenly felt the need to dash off to buy a pregnancy test. I had to know immediately -- was I pregnant?

Pregnancy test in hand, I sat in the bathroom absolutely terrified. This was a scene that I was becoming too familiar with and that I was once again facing with dread. The test was positive. Again. But convinced joy and happiness were not in my cards, the positive result didn’t register. Instead, anxiety ruled.

From that point onward, I entered every day anticipating that something would go wrong and that I would get bad news at the next doctor’s visit. Even the abdominal ultrasound revealing our baby boy and seeing my nose on his face didn’t rest my nerves.

As the weeks went on, we only got good news, and I finally allowed myself to settle into the idea that this baby was real and well.

My baby boy was born on April 22, and now that he is with us, earthside, joy abounds.

Katie Center Brooks lives in San Francisco with her husband of 4 years, her stepdaughter, and her baby boy, Lawton Wellington. Before her baby was born, she worked on a recruiting team at a tech startup as the talent operations and brand manager. She's embracing this new life of motherhood with open arms and humility. To read more about her experience, go here.

14 outdoor toys your kids will want to play with beyond summer

They transition seamlessly for indoor play.

With Labor day weekend in the rearview and back-to-school in full swing, most parents are fresh out of boxes to check on their "Fun Concierge" hit list. It's also the point of diminishing returns on investing in summer-only toys. So with that in mind, we've rounded up some of our favorite toys that are not only built to last but will easily make the transition from outdoor to indoor play. Even better, they're Montessori-friendly and largely open-ended so your kids can get a ton of use out of them.

From sunny backyard afternoons to rainy mornings stuck inside, these toys are sure to keep little ones engaged and entertained.

Meadow ring toss game

Plan Toys meadow ring toss game

Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.

$30

Balance board

Plan Toys balance board

Balance boards are a fabulous way to get the wiggles out. This one comes with a rope attachment, making it suitable for even the youngest wigglers. From practicing their balance and building core strength to working on skills that translate to skateboarding and snowboarding, it's a year-round physical activity that's easy to bring inside and use between Zoom classes, too!

$75

Detective set

Plan Toys detective setDetective Set

This set has everything your little detective needs to solve whatever mystery they might encounter: an eye glasses, walkie-talkie, camera, a red lens, a periscope and a bag. Neighborhood watch? Watch out.

$40

Wooden doll stroller

Janod wooden doll strollerWooden Doll Stroller

Take their charges on a stroll around the block with this classic doll stroller. With the same versatility they're used to in their own ride, this heirloom quality carriage allows their doll or stuffy to face them or face the world.

$120

Sand play set

Plan Toys sand set

Whether you're hitting the beach or the backyard sandbox, this adorable wooden sand set is ready for action. Each scoop has an embossed pattern that's perfect for sand stamping. They're also totally suitable for water play in the wild or the bathtub.

$30

Water play set

Plan Toys water play set

Filled with sand or water, this tabletop sized activity set keeps little ones busy, quiet and happy. (A mama's ideal trifecta 😉). It's big enough to satisfy their play needs but not so big it's going to flood your floors if you bring the fun inside on a rainy day.

$100

Mini golf set

Plan Toys mini golf set

Fore! This mini golf set is lawn and living room ready. Set up a backyard competition or incorporate into homeschooling brain breaks that shift focus and build concentration.

$40

Vintage scooter balance bike

Janod retro scooter balance bike

Pedals are so 2010. Balance bikes are the way to go for learning to ride a bike while skipping the training wheels stage altogether. This impossibly cool retro scooter-style is built to cruise the neighborhood or open indoor space as they're learning.

$121

Wooden rocking pegasus

plan toys wooden rocking pegasus

Your little will be ready to take flight on this fun pegasus. It gently rocks back and forth, but doesn't skimp on safety—its winged saddle, footrests and backrest ensure kids won't fall off whether they're rocking inside or outside.

$100

Croquet set

Plan Toys croquet set

The cutest croquet set we've ever seen! With adorable animal face wooden balls and a canvas bag for easy clean up, it's also crafted to stick around awhile. Round after round, it's great for teaching kiddos math and problem-solving skills as well.

$45

Wooden digital camera

fathers factory wooden digital camera

Kids get the chance to assemble the camera on their own then can adventure anywhere to capture the best moments. With two detachable magnetic lenses, four built-in filters and video recorder, your little photographer can tap into their creativity from summertime to the holidays.

$179

Wooden bulldozer toy

plan toys wooden bulldozer toy

Whether they're digging up sand in the backyad or picking up toys inside, kids can get as creative as they want picking up and moving things around. Even better? Its wooden structure means it's not an eye sore to look at wherever your digger drops it.

$100

Pull-along hippo

janod toys pull along hippo toy

There's just something so fun about a classic pull-along toy and we love that they seamlessly transition between indoor and outdoor play. Crafted from solid cherry and beechwood, it's tough enough to endure outdoor spaces your toddler takes it on.

$33

Baby forest fox ride-on

janod toys baby fox ride on

Toddlers will love zooming around on this fox ride-on, and it's a great transition toy into traditional balance bikes. If you take it for a driveway adventure, simply use a damp cloth to wipe down the wheels before bringing back inside.

$88

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

Shop

There is rightfully a lot of emphasis on preparing for the arrival of a new baby. The clothes! The nursery furniture! The gear! But, the thing about a baby registry is, well, your kids will keep on growing. Before you know it, they'll have new needs—and you'll probably have to foot the bill for the products yourself.

Thankfully, you don't have to break the bank when shopping for toddler products. Here are our favorite high-quality, budget-friendly finds to help with everything from meal time to bath time for the toddler set.

Comforts Fruit Crisps Variety Pack

Comforts fruit snacks

If there is one thing to know about toddlers, it is this: They love snacks. Keeping a variety on hand is easy when the pack already comes that way! Plus, we sure do appreciate that freeze-dried fruit is a healthier alternative to fruit snacks.

Comforts Electrolyte Drink

Comforts electrolyte drink

Between running (or toddling!) around all day and potentially developing a pickier palate, many toddlers can use a bit of extra help with replenishing their electrolytes—especially after they've experienced a tummy bug. We suggest keeping an electrolyte drink on hand.

Comforts Training Pants

Comforts training pants

When the time comes to start potty training, it sure helps to have some training pants on hand. If they didn't make it to the potty in time, these can help them learn their body's cues.

Comforts Nite Pants

comforts nite pants

Even when your toddler gets the hang of using the toilet during the day, nighttime training typically takes several months longer than day-time training. In the meantime, nite pants will still help them feel like the growing, big kid they are.

Comforts Baby Lotion

comforts baby lotion

Running, jumping, playing in sand, splashing in water—the daily life of a toddler can definitely irritate their skin! Help put a protective barrier between their delicate skin and the things they come into contact with every day with nourishing lotion.

Another great tip? Shopping the Comforts line on Comfortsforbaby.com to find premium baby products for a fraction of competitors' prices—and follow along on social media to see product releases and news at @comfortsforbaby.

This article was sponsored by The Kroger Co. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

Our Partners

Becoming a mother has been life-changing. It's been hard, tiring, gratifying, beautiful, challenging, scary and a thousand other things that only a parent would ever understand.

It is these life-changing experiences that have inspired me to draw my everyday life as a stay at home mom. Whether it's the mundane tasks like doing laundry or the exciting moments of James', my baby boy's, first steps, I want to put it down on paper so that I can better cherish these fleeting moments that are often overlooked.

Being a stay-at-home-mom can be incredibly lonely. I like to think that by drawing life's simple moments, I can connect with other mothers and help them feel less alone. By doing this, I feel less alone, too. It's a win-win situation and I have been able to connect with many lovely parents and fellow parent-illustrators through my Instagram account.

Keep reading Show less
Work + Money