Why I Became a Midwife

A birth practitioner reflects on the decision that changed her life.

Why I Became a Midwife

Just about ten years ago I found myself on the set of a childbirth class with Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and a few other pregnant actors. As the actress who played the instructor was demonstrating how to do a perineal stretching exercise using olive oil, I realized she immediately needed a lesson. As the onset birth consultant for several scenes of the film Baby Mama, I felt it was my job to teach these leading ladies, and director Michael McCuller, how to properly stretch the area around the vagina to prep it for childbirth. It was absurd and amazing and ultimately part of my long journey to hear my calling: to help women during their pregnancies and births as a midwife.

My journey started with the birth of my own daughter. It was unquestionably hard, yet holy work. But, rather than being engulfed in fear or loss of control, surprisingly I was actually good at it! So I thought that if I could selflessly guide a woman to help her become whole and confident as she crosses into motherhood -- during pregnancy and birth -- then it would be my honor.

In 1992, I started teaching Bradley childbirth classes. Right away, women felt safe enough to talk to me about their fears. So I decided to take it a step further and get certified as a Holistic Prenatal Birth Counselor. I met many women who were traumatized by their births, who were victims of too many labor inductions by questionable hospital protocols, well-intentioned residents, time constraints, and doctors’ impatience to get on with their vacation schedules. As my students processed their emotions, I could somehow tell who would have a good birth, and who wouldn’t. “Being a birth counselor wasn’t good enough,” I kept thinking to myself.

Having been a birth consultant on several films, I took my job very seriously and was passionate about educating people on set and moviegoers about childbirth. But, it was a pregnant teenager who ultimately motivated me to act on what turned out to be much more than a hunch: I needed to be a midwife.

I was filling in for a colleague to teach childbirth classes to pregnant teens. After my second class there, this young pregnant girl approached me, took my hand and placed it over her heart. Her voice cracked as soft tears filled her eyes, “Miss Risa, Miss Risa, feel my heart racing so fast?,” she asked. “I’m so scared. Will you help me? Please come to my birth.” She, whom I nicknamed Young Metronome, was more than afraid: she felt alone and unheard. She needed to talk about her hopes and dreams, along with her fears; and I was proud of her for being brave enough to send me her S.O.S.

But the powers that be did not allow me to be her doula or friend in the delivery room. So I went home and cried all night. This young lady had to go from teenager to mom alone, and I couldn’t help her.

I reflected on the state of affairs in our country surrounding birth -- the high c-section and infant mortality rates -- and met hundreds more disempowered women in and out of my childbirth education, doula, and counseling practice. Their relationship statuses, financial situations or ethnicity did not matter. Rich or poor, educated or not -- no one was spared the fear of a negative birth experience.

That’s when I knew: I had to become a midwife to help women like Young Metronomes throughout their pregnancies and births.

A few years after working in a home birth midwifery apprenticeship, I felt more than qualified and motivated for this enormous responsibility and attended Columbia University School of Nursing to get my masters degree in Midwifery.

Over the years, I have found that women initially come to me when they feel like they need a calm, wise and experienced voice to guide them into motherhood. As a midwife, that’s what I have aspired to do every single day. I help honor, safeguard, and strengthen the souls of mothers and babies as they come into the world. If I can help women gain confidence, and value their own birth and growth as mothers, then I know at the end of the day I’ve pursued the perfect calling as a midwife and continue to be good at something. And though it was fun to see my name running down the credits at the end of a news program or a movie, I find it so much more satisfying to see my name written on a birth certificate.

10 must-have registry items that will change your life, mama

The baby gear heavy hitters that should be top of your list

Calling all mamas-to-be! It's a fundamental truth of (impending) motherhood that your prepping-for-baby To Do list can feel a mile long, but really the best way to feel organized is to sort out the most important item at the top of your list: your registry. Sure the items you choose to include will end up running the gamut from nice-to-haves to absolutely essential game-changers, but mamas in the know quickly learn one thing: Not all baby gear is created equal.

So while you can and should pepper your registry with adorable inclusions that aren't necessarily can't-live-withouts (go ahead, add 'em!), you should make sure you're ticking the boxes on those pieces of baby gear that can be absolute life savers once you're in full-blown mama mode. From car seats to bouncers and playmats, your play and travel gear will be some of the most obvious important items on your list, but so can unexpected things, like a super comfy baby carrier and a snooze-inducing white noise machine. So to help you sort through the must-have options, we turned to the holy grail of motherhood that is buybuy BABY and handpicked 10 of the very best essential pieces that will change your life, we promise.

Keep reading Show less
Our Partners

Every week, we stock the Motherly Shop with innovative and fresh products from brands we feel good about. We want to be certain you don't miss anything, so to keep you in the loop, we're providing a cheat sheet.

So, what's new this week?

Earth Mama: Effective, natural herbal care for mamas and babies

Founded and grown in her own garage in 2002, Earth Mama started as an operation of one, creating salves, tinctures, teas and soaps with homegrown herbs. With a deep desire to bring the healing powers of nature that have been relied on for thousands of years to as many mamas as possible, Melinda Olson's formulas quickly grew into Earth Mama Organics. Since then, the brand has remained committed to manufacturing clean, safe and effective herbal solutions for the entire journey of motherhood, including pregnancy, breastfeeding and baby care, and even the loss of a baby.

Bravado Designs: Soothing sounds for a good night's sleep

With 28 years of serving pregnant and postpartum mamas under their belt, Bravado Designs is a true authority on the needs of changing bodies. It's true that we have them to thank for rescuing us from the uncomfortable and frumpy designs our own moms had to live with. Launched in Canada by two young mamas, they designed the first prototypes with extra leopard print fabric certain that a better bra was possible. Throughout the years they've maintained their commitment to ethical manufacturing while creating long-lasting products that truly work.

The Sill: Instagram-ready potted plants

We've long admired this female-founded brand and the brilliant mind behind it, Eliza Blank. (She even joined Motherly co-founder Liz Tenety on and episode of The Motherly Podcast!) The mission behind the business was simple: To make the process of bringing plants into your home as easy as possible, and as wonderful as the plant themselves. With their in-house, exclusively designed minimalist planters, the end result makes plant parenthood just a few clicks away.

Not sure where to start? Here's what we're adding to our cart:

Keep reading Show less

The 6 biggest lies I believed before having kids

Just about all of us had set assumptions about raising kids before we became parents ourselves.

Just about all of us had set assumptions about raising kids before we became parents ourselves. Some of these ideas might have been based on our own ideas of how we would absolutely do things differently than everyone else. Others, we believed what everyone else told us would happen would apply to our littles, too. But, that's not always the case, mama.

Below are six of the biggest lies I believed before having kids—and the reality of what actually happened for me.

1. Put your baby down drowsy, but awake

Keep reading Show less