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Doctor’s orders: Date your spouse!

Both my marriage and I deserve a little alone time.

Doctor’s orders: Date your spouse!

Someone once said, “People who sleep like a baby probably don’t have one.”


Most parents, after having a newborn never know what day it is, and surely don’t know what time it is, due to the craziness of night feedings. It’s hard to remember any dates or appointments when you bring home a new baby. Sadly, sleep has become a distant memory.

I personally have to rely on my calendar alerts programmed in my phone in my day to day. It’s pretty simple, If I don’t put it in my phone, I will not remember. I also have to set more than one alert to make sure I know whats going on.

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However, there is one date, one appointment, you can be sure I will remember no matter how tired I am—its the six-week postpartum check up. Oh yes…all of us mothers know that appointment oh so well.

“You can return to having sex now.”

“I can what? Wait, didn’t I just have a baby five minutes ago? Do you know I sleep at most three hours a night and you want me to do what? You do realize a watermelon came out of there and I still look 4 months pregnant right? What about my aching back? Doctor, you know my boobs have been hijacked by the little fellow in the car seat and the minute I hit the bed I completely succumb to passing out?”

I am no stranger to the six-week postpartum permission slip to tell my husband he got the green light! Been there, done that, four times already and every time you can bet he is smiling from ear to ear.

Besides getting the “all clear here” after getting poked and probed, you get the mood questionnaire. Good news for me no depression—just complete exhaustion—which is seriously no joke. My doctor actually felt bad for me that my little bundle of colic was getting up every hour starting at 1 a.m. till the sun came up. The doctor felt so bad she was shaking her head and also yawning like what I had was contagious.

One surprising thing that my doctor ordered prescribed was to date my husband. I was shocked. She actually said, “Now that you have four children, you will be engulfed with living for them. I want you at the minimum…twice per month, optimally once a week, to go out with your husband with no kids. No baby!

Now she had me listening. I was smiling at these orders for sure. I love dating my husband!

The truth is, when you come home with a newborn and you have kids at home, you put you and your spouse on the back burner. Babies need constant attention and oftentimes your room becomes the babies nursery for the first few months. There are more chores and the kids get up early, very early.

We compiled a list of dating ideas and are ecstatic about the idea of being alone a few times a month.

Here is what we came up with.

1. A walk on the beach

I would love to kick-start some exercise and what better date than to go walking the beach. It would be really nice to talk without being interrupted.

2. Paddleboarding

We love sports that involve the beach. Getting physical together is always a good idea. ?

3. Hiking

We live rather close to many hiking trails and a day of hiking would be wonderful for us—exploring San Diego is something we love to do.

4. Movies

We love watching movies and with cinemas taking it to the next level with reclining leather chairs—we’re all in.

5. Go to a concert

Seeing a show together would be a great little escape.

6. Surf + ski

One thing we would love to do is snowboard and surf in the same day (we’re in California.) We know people who have done it and we thought it would be a fun challenge.

7. Leave town

We can go to Laguna for the day. It’s only an hour away and to check out the shops without any babes in tow could be very relaxing.

8. Visit art galleries

Art is something I love to immerse myself in. It has been a long time since I have been able to go to a gallery or two. Taking in art together would be super romantic.

9. Volunteer

One of my favorite memories is from the Thanksgiving right after 9/11. My brother and I baked cookies for every firehouse in the city. (We even missed Thanksgiving dinner because of it.) Sharing something like this together would be very special.

10. Wine + design

I would love to go painting with and enjoy some wine together. I’ve done this with friends, but not with my husband.

Both my marriage and I deserve a little alone time. Making a habit of connecting with your partner not only on a date but more so on a regular basis can actually lessen the load and make the journey of being a parent much more enjoyable.

Plus, our children are being exposed to parents who are affectionate with each other, happy to be together and very much in love from a young age. Hopefully, this will ensure that they have a good foundation and a model to build their own relationships in the future.


This article was originally published on City Girl Gone Mom.


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Why do all of my good parenting or baby-focused inventions come after they've already been invented by someone else? Sigh.

Like the Puj hug hooded baby towel, aka the handiest, softest cotton towel ever created.

Safely removing a wet, slippery baby from the bath can be totally nerve-wracking, and trying to hold onto a towel at the same time without soaking it in the process seems to require an extra arm altogether. It's no wonder so much water ends up on the floor, the countertops, or you(!) after bathing your little one. Their splashing and kicking in the water is beyond adorable, of course, but the clean up after? Not as much.

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But it hasn't been. It's been more—as one of my favorite memes says—difficult, difficult, lemon difficult. Because until this towel hit the bathtime scene, there was no easy-peasy way to pick up your squirming wet baby without drenching yourself and/or everything around you.

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I never wanted to be a mom. It wasn't something I ever thought would happen until I fell madly in love with my husband—who knew very well he wanted children. While he was a natural at entertaining our nephews or our friends' kids, I would awkwardly try to interact with them, not really knowing what to say or do.

Our first pregnancy was a surprise, a much-wanted one but also a unicorn, "first try" kind of pregnancy. As my belly grew bigger, so did my insecurities. How do you even mom when you never saw motherhood in your future? I focused all my uncertainties on coming up with a plan for the delivery of my baby—which proved to be a terrible idea when my dreamed-of unmedicated vaginal birth turned into an emergency C-section. I couldn't even start motherhood the way I wanted, I thought. And that feeling happened again when I couldn't breastfeed and instead had to pump and bottle-feed. And once more, when all the stress from things not going my way turned into debilitating postpartum anxiety that left me not really enjoying my brand new baby.

As my baby grew, slowly so did my confidence that I could do this. When he would tumble to the ground while learning how to walk and only my hugs could calm him, I felt invincible. But on the nights he wouldn't sleep—whether because he was going through a regression, a leap, a teeth eruption or just a full moon—I would break down in tears to my husband telling him that he was a better parent than me.

Then I found out I was pregnant again, and that this time it was twins. I panicked. I really cannot do two babies at the same time. I kept repeating that to myself (and to my poor husband) at every single appointment we had because I was just terrified. He, of course, thought I could absolutely do it, and he got me through a very hard pregnancy.

When the twins were born at full term and just as big as singleton babies, I still felt inadequate, despite the monumental effort I had made to grow these healthy babies and go through a repeat C-section to make sure they were both okay. I still felt my skin crawl when they cried and thought, What if I can't calm them down? I still turned to my husband for diaper changes because I wasn't a good enough mom for twins.

My husband reminded me (and still does) that I am exactly what my babies need. That I am enough. A phrase that has now become my mantra, both in motherhood and beyond, because as my husband likes to say, I'm the queen of selling myself short on everything.

So when my babies start crying, I tell myself that I am enough to calm them down.

When my toddler has a tantrum, I remind myself that I am enough to get through to him.

When I go out with the three kids by myself and start sweating about everything that could go wrong (poop explosions times three), I remind myself that I am enough to handle it all, even with a little humor.


And then one day I found this bracelet. Initially, I thought how cheesy it'd be to wear a reminder like this on my wrist, but I bought it anyway because something about it was calling my name. I'm so glad I did because since day one I haven't stopped wearing it.

Every time I look down, there it is, shining back at me. I am enough.

I Am Enough bracelet 

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