Menu

Brett Kavanaugh’s advancement is a turning point for many moms

Some feel anger, or fear but there is this other thing, too. Action.

Brett Kavanaugh’s advancement is a turning point for many moms

We are mad.

Before I tell you why here is a little sidebar: I spent the last 10 minutes going back and forth about whether or not to write the words "we are mad."

Hmm, gosh, I don't know. People might read that and dismiss what I have to say. 'Another woman getting hysterical and talking about her feelings.' Maybe I should change it? Make it a little more, I don't know, objective sounding?

After careful and graceful consideration, I have respectfully arrived at the decision that I WILL NOT CENSOR MYSELF just because I am a woman and that makes you uncomfortable.

So I say again, boldly this time, that WE ARE MAD.

Furious, in fact. But it's not why you think.

We are not in an uproar because of what allegedly happened to Dr. Ford 36 years ago. Of course, we are deeply affected to hear of yet another possible case of assault against a woman—it's awful. But quite frankly we're not surprised when we hear about women getting sexually assaulted anymore. One in five women and one in seven men are sexually assaulted. It is, dare I say, common.

It sickens us every time. But the allegation is not the source of our palpable rage this week.

Oh, and by the way, see how I am saying words like "possible" and "allegedly?" For the record, we do understand that as of now we are talking about unproven events. Despite the fact that less than 2% of accusations are false, we live in a country where a person is innocent until proven guilty, and it is not our intent to change that. Believe her (as I do) or don't—that is your right, and he has the right to fair proceedings.

His assumed guilt is not the impetus for our fury.

Our anger comes from the nation's response.

Dr. Ford represents that scores of women and men who have been assaulted, and the level of disrespect and disregard that she has been shown has ignited us.

That she has been casually dismissed for waiting 30 years to report it.

That she has been mocked for only remembering snapshots of the event.

That many have stated that even if her allegations are proven, it would not be a deal breaker for her accused.

That is why we are mad.

President Barack Obama once said, "You can judge a nation, and how successful it will be, based on how it treats its women and its girls."

Our nation is currently failing.

Mothers are the keepers of the past and the guardians of the future.

We carry the pain of our mothers, grandmothers, and ancestors.

We wear the pain of our own histories—pain that is inflamed when we watch yet another woman, shaking with fear yet standing in bravery, recount the brief moment in time that changed her life for the worse forever. We have been in her shoes, and listening to her story rips raw the wounds that will never fully heal.

But we close their jagged edges to the best of our abilities, and we carry on because we are mothers, and the future is on us.

We stand here, between our fractured past and our precarious future and try desperately to correct all that is wrong, so that our children can have it a little better than we do.

With unsteady gates and forced smiles, we guide our babies as they learn to stand up for themselves and each other, to distinguish right from wrong, to be a light in difficult situations. We watch over them as they quietly play we silently scream, "Please God, don't let it happen to them."

Mothers feel this pain deeply. And we do not have your support. That is why we are so, so mad.

We do, however, have each other's support. While you stand rigid and yell about all the reasons we are wrong to be upset, women and mothers are changing the world.

We're turning our anger into action, and building each other up.

We are committed to voting, and getting as many other women as possible to join us.

And we are guiding our children to create a better future.

We won't stay silent. We won't back down. We'd love to have you join us, but we'll be just fine if you don't.

Just don't be mad when we leave you behind.

You might also like:

A very important letter for new mamas

Listen, mom-guilt is a dirty liar. Yes, it's your job to fill your little human's needs, but you matter too. Don't forget to take care of yourself. Hang out with friends, take a drive blaring 90's hip hop or shower without interruptions—trust me, you'll be a better person (and mom) because of it.

Dear new mom,

You will shave again someday. Today is not that day.

Set expectations low, my friend, and set your partner's lower—at least where body hair and overall hygiene are concerned.

That conversation could go something like this: “From now on let's not consider shaving a “standard," but more like a gift that happens on birthdays and the first day of summer."

Voila, you are a gift-giving genius. You know what else is a gift? Shaving the inch and a half of skin that is between your skinny jeans and your boots. You're welcome world.

You will not be perfect at parenting.

Boom.

I have yet to meet a perfect mother, but when I do, she's going to be a tiger who is insanely good at making up songs. (Daniel Tiger's mom, we salute you.)

Keep reading Show less
Life

Motherly editors’ 7 favorite hacks for organizing their diaper bags

Make frantically fishing around for a diaper a thing of the past!

As any parent knows, the term "diaper bag" only scratches the surface. In reality, this catchall holds so much more: a change of clothes, bottles, snacks, wipes and probably about a dozen more essential items.

Which makes finding the exact item you need, when you need it (read: A diaper when you're in public with a blowout on your hands) kind of tricky.

That's why organization is the name of the game when it comes to outings with your littles. We pooled the Motherly team of editors to learn some favorite hacks for organizing diaper bags. Here are our top tips.

1. Divide and conquer with small bags

Here's a tip we heard more than a few times: Use smaller storage bags to organize your stuff. Not only is this helpful for keeping related items together, but it can also help keep things from floating around in the expanse of the larger diaper bag. These bags don't have to be anything particularly fancy: an unused toiletry bag, pencil case or even plastic baggies will work.

2. Have an emergency changing kit

When you're dealing with a diaper blowout situation, it's not the time to go searching for a pack of wipes. Instead, assemble an emergency changing kit ahead of time by bundling a change of baby clothes, a fresh diaper, plenty of wipes and hand sanitizer in a bag you can quickly grab. We're partial to pop-top wipes that don't dry out or get dirty inside the diaper bag.

3. Simplify bottle prep

Organization isn't just being able to find what you need, but also having what you need. For formula-feeding on the go, keep an extra bottle with the formula you need measured out along with water to mix it up. You never know when your outing will take longer than expected—especially with a baby in the mix!

4. Get resealable snacks

When getting out with toddlers and older kids, snacks are the key to success. Still, it isn't fun to constantly dig crumbs out of the bottom of your diaper bag. Our editors love pouches with resealable caps and snacks that come in their own sealable containers. Travel-sized snacks like freeze-dried fruit crisps or meal-ready pouches can get an unfair reputation for being more expensive, but that isn't the case with the budget-friendly Comforts line.

5. Keep a carabiner on your keychain

You'll think a lot about what your child needs for an outing, but you can't forget this must-have: your keys. Add a carabiner to your keychain so you can hook them onto a loop inside your diaper bag. Trust us when we say it's a much better option than dumping out the bag's contents on your front step to find your house key!

6. Bundle your essentials

If your diaper bag doubles as your purse (and we bet it does) you're going to want easy access to your essentials, too. Dedicate a smaller storage bag of your diaper bag to items like your phone, wallet and lip balm. Then, when you're ready to transfer your items to a real purse, you don't have to look for them individually.

7. Keep wipes in an outer compartment

Baby wipes aren't just for diaper changes: They're also great for cleaning up messy faces, wiping off smudges, touching up your makeup and more. Since you'll be reaching for them time and time again, keep a container of sensitive baby wipes in an easily accessible outer compartment of your bag.

Another great tip? Shop the Comforts line on www.comfortsforbaby.com to find premium baby products for a fraction of competitors' prices. Or, follow @comfortsforbaby for more information!

This article was sponsored by The Kroger Co. Thank you for supporting the brands that supporting Motherly and mamas.

Our Partners

It's science: Why your baby stops crying when you stand up

A fascinating study explains why.

When your baby is crying, it feels nearly instinctual to stand up to rock, sway and soothe them. That's because standing up to calm babies is instinctual—driven by centuries of positive feedback from calmed babies, researchers have found.

"Infants under 6 months of age carried by a walking mother immediately stopped voluntary movement and crying and exhibited a rapid heart rate decrease, compared with holding by a sitting mother," say authors of a 2013 study published in Current Biology.

Even more striking: This coordinated set of actions—the mother standing and the baby calming—is observed in other mammal species, too. Using pharmacologic and genetic interventions with mice, the authors say, "We identified strikingly similar responses in mouse pups as defined by immobility and diminished ultrasonic vocalizations and heart rate."

Keep reading Show less
News