After a baby is born, those first few nights out with your significant other are a strange kind of feeling. On one hand, it can be exhilarating to get out of the house without strollers, a diaper bag and back-up clothes for everyone. But, on the other hand, it can be stressful in another way to leave baby. So adding to the stress by shaming moms for taking time with their spouse after baby is born? That’s totally unnecessary.
Unfortunately, that’s exactly the position model Behati Prinsloo found herself in when she was shamed by some people on social media for “pumping and dumping” her breast milk during a Coachella date with husband Adam Levine.
Over the weekend, Prinsloo posted a picture captioned #pumpandpump from behind the scenes at her Coachella trip. In the same picture on her Instagram story, Prinsloo wrote, “More like cowchella lol Jamiroquai was soooo worth the pump and dump.”
Although the new mom of two—whose youngest, Gio Grace Levine, was born in February—probably thought it was just a fun snap that shows the realities of many breastfeeding mamas’ lives, a few people called her out.
As one person commented, “Not talking smack about breastfeeding at all, just keep it to yourself a little. People don’t wanna look at you squeezing milk out your self!!!! No offense, but I was taught ‘old school’ I guess!!”
A few others took aim at the practice of pumping and dumping specifically, which refers to pumping milk and then throwing it away either because you’ve been drinking and didn’t want alcohol to get into the breast milk or because you had no safe way to transport the milk and needed to pump to keep supply up. (Prinsloo’s reasons weren’t clear.)
“I can totally understand a working mother need to pump and leave her baby which can be pretty emotional for both of them… but what I find really shameful is to pump and ‘dump’ just so you can drink and leave the baby that you just gave birth to not too long ago,” another said. “Why bother and become a mother?!”
The thing is, motherhood is amazing—but it doesn’t have to come at the expense of other identities such as wife, friend and even once-a-year-Coachella-goer. As one recent survey found, new parents go an average of two months without any baby-free date time, which relationship expert Esther Perel told Motherly isn’t good for anyone in the family.
“This is the way I tell it to parents: I say, ‘You adore your baby… But, today, the only reason your family will survive is because the couple is happy.'”
If that meant a little pumping and dumping was involved, so be it.