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It's a conversation most couples have in the early days. Long before signing a marriage license or mortgage papers with someone you have to ask them, "Do you want kids?"

The answer is the kind of thing that two people can use to build the foundation of their life together. But before we start building our families, there's a lot we don't know. We don't know if our pregnancies will be complicated. We don't know if we'll be overwhelmed by one or two kids. We don't know if we'll feel like our family is complete with three or maybe four.

That's why having a different answer to the question "How many kids do you want?" isn't a deal breaker for many couples. We go on to sign all those important, life-changing papers and create a family sometimes even if we have different numbers in mind because those numbers can change.

Eventually though, you've gotta come to a consensus. That's what Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are dealing with right now. With North, Saint and Chicago, Kim is feeling pretty satisfied with the current family size, but Kanye is not feeling done yet.

"He wants like seven" 

"Kanye wants to have more, though. He's been harassing me," Kardashian said on a recent episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. "He wants like seven. He's like stuck on seven."

Kardashian goes on to admit that she's got a lot of anxiety about keeping her kids safe in today's "crazy world." That, coupled with her history of complicated pregnancies (Chicago was famously carried by a surrogate) means her number is a lot lower than Kanye's ideal seven (which she thinks is "crazy").

Kim and Kanye and hardly alone in trying to navigate this marriage dilemma. The internet is chock full of stories of people whose partners want more kids than they do. But while one partner may feel a certain number is the best number, there truly is no magic number when it comes to how many kids to have.

Pros and cons 

For Kim and Kanye, there are pros and cons to keeping Chicago as the youngest or adding a few more babies to the family.

As Anne-Marie Gambelin, Motherly's Features Editor, previously wrote: " A large family is like a built-in community, with shared experiences providing the glue that keeps siblings connected over a lifetime. Unconditional love and support from many siblings can make kids less prone in life to mental health problems brought on by family crises, like marital divorce or parental death."

As one of six children herself, Kardashian likely understands this better than most, and it may be what her husband, an only child, envisions when he imagines adding four more kids to their family.

However, research suggests that the more children parents have, the more mom and dad's resources are spread thin. "It takes a lot of energy, mental resources and money to raise a large family to ensure each child feels loved, special and tended to," parenting coach Eirene Heidelberger, the founder of GIT Mom, previously told Motherly

For Kim and Kanye, the money factor is basically a non-issue. They could have 10 kids and everyone would still have their own bedroom and all the dance lessons and Yeezy sneakers a kid could want, but the one thing the Kardashian-Wests can't buy more of is mom and dad's time.

Dreams vs reality 

Kim and Kanye both have demanding work schedules, and dividing the precious one-on-one time they do have with the kids by seven instead of three could mean less attention for each child.

A few months ago Kim told Elle she was already feeling the pinch juggling her schedule with three kids. "I don't think I could handle more than that. My time is spread really thin," she explained.

For some people, a big family with seven kids is a dream come true, and it may very well be Kanye's dream, but it doesn't sound like Kim's planning on making it a reality.

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Babywearing allows newborns to be held close to your body and mama to snuggle with their new bundle of joy—but that's just where the benefits begin. When you're toting your baby with the help of a specially-designed carrier, you're also given back the two hands normally reserved for rocking, cuddling and soothing your little one. That opens up a whole new world when it comes to getting things done—particularly for #mombosses who are masters of multitasking.

We asked four of our favorites about the biggest benefits of their productivity hack of choice (babywearing) and how they got it all done using their carrier of choice, BABYBJÖRN Baby Carrier Free.

It helps soothe babies more easily

Daphne Oz wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

BABYBJÖRN

Babies benefit from being in a carrier not only because worn babies cry less but also because a soothed baby means they're more likely to catch a much-needed nap. Rachel Zeilic, VP of Influencer Marketing at Who What Wear and Creative Director for fashion line Marjoelle, wore her son, August, in his early days for that reason. "It was a GREAT method to help him get to sleep," she says.

Sleep aside, decreased crying makes a huge difference in your busy days, even if your baby is super easygoing and loves carrier time, like that of Emmy-winning TV host, author and mama of four, Daphne Oz, whose youngest, Giovanna Ines (Gigi), is 4-months-old. "Gigi has always loved to be held. She's a very big baby, so babywearing is essential to give my arms a break. She loves to be snuggled as much as possible, and you can tell [being in her carrier] immediately soothes her. Sometimes she'll drift off or just rest her head on my chest and gaze around."

Mobilizing is a snap

Rachel Zeilic wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

BABYBJÖRN

Like so many mamas, Zeilic needed to get out of the house frequently in those first few weeks for doctor appointments, but she found the sheer magnitude of getting out and getting the hang of a stroller pretty intimidating. Instead, she relied on her Baby Carrier Free and was out and about quickly after delivery. "We left the house from day one and we made a point every day of walking around the neighborhood," she says. "It was much more feasible [for me] than putting him in the stroller and going for a long walk."

Ariel Kaye, the CEO and founder of Parachute, was a big fan of babywearing with her now 11-month-old daughter Lou for the same reason. "Especially as I started to get more comfortable getting out of the house, what started as really short walks and gradually got longer," she says.

Carriers are especially friendly for city-dwelling mamas

Ranji Jacques wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

BABYBJÖRN

Having a baby while living in a big city can be a challenge, but babywearing makes going about your day so much more simple. That's how Ranji Jacques, Fashion Director at Condé Nast, gets around New York City. "Everyone can agree that a baby carrier is a must-have, especially if you're in an urban area," says the mom of two to 3-year-old Diego and 1-year-old Lucienne. Why? Because steep curbs and storefront steps no longer pose a deterrent, and (bonus!) you can keep germ-covered surfaces out of baby's reach.

Take meetings with baby in tow

Rachel Zeilic wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

BABYBJÖRN

If you need to phone into the office or are a permanent part of the growing work-from-home mama population, strapping on baby allows you to talk shop and spend time with your little one. "I've honestly gotten so many conference calls and deals done with August in the carrier," says Zeilic.

So did Kaye, who would tote her daughter Lou in her BABYBJÖRN Baby Carrier Free on walks to Parachute's nearby brick-and-mortar store as not only a way of getting outside, but also checking in with work, too.

Tackle housework + make  errands easier (and feasible)

Daphne Oz wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

BABYBJÖRN

When you've got a new baby at home, getting the dishes done or folding a basket of (clean!) laundry is a huge accomplishment. But using the carrier can help you tick off your to-do list while spending time with your newborn. "Babywearing really helped me—like it made all of my everyday [tasks] so much easier," says Kaye, because it gave her back her much-needed set of hands.

Oz agrees that wearing her daughter has been a boon to her productivity. "I try to bring Gigi along whenever I can, since my time at home can be limited and [I'm] often stretched thin trying to get everything in order. She comes along to the market and for coffee and on other errands—and I love to use a carrier in the house so I can keep her with me while I'm heading from room to room putting things in order."

It can provide for everyday teaching moments

Ariel Kaye wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

BABYBJÖRN

When you're going about your daily tasks, babywearing provides a front row seat to turn it into an educational experience for the two of you. "It's a special way to be able to communicate with her—I can show her things, touch things," says Kaye. From folding laundry to self-care, opportunities to engage baby can happen anywhere. Just ask Lou, who loves watching mama Ariel do her makeup while happily hanging out in her BABYBJÖRN, a task enjoyed by Gigi and Daphne as well.

Plus, allotting some of your attention to quickie tasks feels more guilt-free when babywearing. "Even though I'm doing other stuff, I can talk to him and narrate what I'm doing," explains Zeilic. "I just feel like it's playing and bonding, versus feeling like I'm sacrificing time with him."

Hello, old favorite activities

Ariel Kaye wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

BABYBJÖRN

Zeilic and her husband love to use their Baby Carrier Free for hikes—anything under an hour and she'll strap on the carrier, over an hour and Dad's on the job (good thing it's easily adjustable for parents of all sizes). Even if hiking isn't your hobby of choice, resuming your pre-baby favorite activities and feeling more like yourself post-baby is a welcome change to which most mamas can relate, Oz included.

She fondly remembers the sense of confidence and familiarity that accompanied a babywearing outing when her eldest children were a bit younger. "My first, Philomena, was only 20 months old when John was born and still such a baby herself. I remember going out to the beach on a calm day with Philomena to collect shells, and John was strapped next to my chest, snuggly and content. It was one of the first times I really felt confident as a new mother of 2."

You can travel light

Ranji Jacques wearing BABYBJ\u00d6RN Baby Carrier Free

BABYBJÖRN

Working in fashion, Jacques has a tendency to be flanked with a host of accessories or at least a go-to purse, but babywearing has helped her limit the amount she has in tow when out and about. "I strap on baby, grab a bottle of water and my wallet and I'm ready to go," she says. Minimalist multitasking has never been so chic.

This article was sponsored by BABYBJÖRN. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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Feeding your new baby can be a beautiful experience, but it can also be really hard. We at Motherly have talked about it. Amy Schumer has talked about it. And now Kate Upton is talking about it, too.

Upton and her husband Justin Verlander became parents when their daughter Genevieve was born in November 2018, and in a new interview with Editorialist, Upton explains that while she loves motherhood she didn't always love breastfeeding.

"Having VeVe has changed my life in such a wonderful way," she explains, adding that in the early days of motherhood she felt "so much pressure"..."to be doing all these things, like breastfeeding on the go—when the reality, for me, was that breastfeeding was sucking the energy away from me. I realized I needed to calm down, to allow my body to recover."

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Breastfeeding can take up a lot of a mama's time and energy in those early weeks and months, and while Upton doesn't explicitly say whether she switched to formula, combo fed, pumped or what, it's clear that she did give herself some grace when it came to breastfeeding and found the right parenting pace by taking the pressure off of herself.

Upton took the pressure off herself when it came to her demanding breastfeeding schedule, and she's also resisting the pressure to keep up with a social media posting schedule.

"I want to be enjoying my life, enjoying my family, not constantly trying to take the perfect picture," she says. "I think my husband wants me to throw my phone away. We talk about it in the house all the time: 'Let's have a phone-free dinner.' We don't want [our daughter] thinking being on the phone is all that life is."

Whether the pressure to be perfect is coming from your phone or from society's conflicting exceptions of mothers it's a force worth rejecting. Upton is loving life at her own pace, imperfect as reallife can be.

News

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) has been warning parents not to use inclined sleepers for months now, after a series of infant deaths and an investigation by Consumer Reports led to a recall of the very popular inclined sleeper, the Fisher-Price Rock n' Play.

The Rock n' Play recall led to other recalls, and eventually to the CPSC developing public service messaging asking parents to avoid all inclined sleeping products.

This week the CPSC issued a warning about a specific product, Summer Infant, Inc.'s SwaddleMe By Your Bed Sleeper.

In a statement, the commission explained: "Based on CPSC staff's evaluation of the product, how it is used, and outside expert analysis, CPSC staff believes that the Summer Infant SwaddleMe By Your Bed Sleeper puts infants at risk of suffocation. Although CPSC is not aware of any incidents or deaths involving the Summer Infant SwaddleMe By Your Bed Sleeper, CPSC urges consumers to stop using the product immediately."

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This comes after the Manning report, conducted independently by expert Erin Mannen, Ph.D., a mechanical engineer specializing in biomechanics at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences. She tested and evaluated the design of inclined sleep products for infants and found that "products with inclines 10 degrees or less, with flat and rigid surfaces, are likely safe for infant sleep [and that] soft and plush-like sleep surfaces pose dangers to infants," the CPSC states.

In a statement to Motherly, a spokesperson for SUMR Brands explained the company has already stopped making and selling this product.

"No caregiver has ever reported an injury or death in the SwaddleMe By Your BedSleeper," they explain.

The statement continues: "The company hasn't produced the By Your Bed Sleeper in more than a year, and has no plans to make more. The product is no longer being sold by any major retailers. The By Your Bed Sleeper has significant design differences from other inclined sleepers. The CPSC is developing new rules for this category. We fully support that process, along with any new rules, once they have been set."

It's important to note that the CPSC announcement is a warning, not a recall, but the CPSC still wants a recall. It just has not yet reached an agreement with Summer Infant for a voluntary recall. (Almost all recalls are voluntary, it's rare that the CPSC has to issue a mandatory recall—that only happens when a company can't or won't take part).

Bottom line: The CPSC wants parents to avoid all inclined sleepers.

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[Editor's note: Motherly is committed to covering all relevant presidential candidate plans as we approach the 2020 election. We are making efforts to get information from all candidates. Motherly does not endorse any political party or candidate. We stand with and for mothers and advocate for solutions that will reduce maternal stress and benefit women, families and the country.]

If you did not have time to watch the Democratic debate last night, don't worry mama, we've got you.

The Democratic debates are an opportunity for American voters to have their questions answered by the candidates, and this week's debate saw candidates tackle a question that is so important for many American parents:

How can we make childcare affordable?

The question was submitted by a young mother named Tiffany. She explained, "As a young mom, I had to quit a job I love because childcare costs were taking up two-thirds of my income. Many families don't have the option of quitting a job because that little bit of income is needed. That leads to families using whatever care they can find, and sometimes the results are deadly, as we've seen in Iowa over the last few years. How will you prioritize accessing quality, affordable child care in your first 100 days in office?"

Here's how the candidates responded to this all too common story.

Pete Buttigieg on affordable childcare 

Pete Buttigieg was the first to tackle the question of affordable childcare during the January debate. When co-moderator Brianne Pfannenstiel, the chief politics reporter for the Des Moines Register, lobbed the question to the midwestern mayor he agreed that no parent should be spending two-thirds of their pay on childcare.

Buttigieg stated that he wants to see the cost of childcare get down to 7% or less of a family's income, as recommended by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, but as Motherly has previously reported, most American families pay a lot more than 7%.

Buttigieg said he has met "professionals who sometimes say that they're working in order to be able to afford childcare in order to be able to be working. It makes no sense, and it must change, and we shouldn't be afraid to put federal dollars into making that a reality."

He continued: "Subsidizing childcare and making sure that we are building up a workforce of people who are paid at a decent level to offer early childhood education, as well as childcare writ large. We can do that. And until we do, this will be one of the biggest drivers of the gender pay gap. Because when somebody like the voter asking the question has to step out of the workforce because of that reason, she is at a disadvantage when she comes back in, and that can affect her pay for the rest of her career."

Buttigieg is correct—mothers do the majority of the unpaid care work in this country and are often seen as the default parent in dual-income, heterosexual households. Being forced out of the workforce when childcare costs too much can cost moms for years to come.

According to the Center for American Progress, mothers lose out on way more than just their annual salary when we leave the workforce to care for kids: There's also lost wage growth, and the loss of retirement plan contributions and benefits.

Let's say Tiffany had been making $50,000 a year before she was forced to quit, and is going to stay home until her child is in kindergarten...Tiffany's going to lose $200,000 in lost wages, $179,837 in lost wage growth, and $159,958 in lost retirement assets and benefits.

That mom is facing a lifetime income loss of $539,795 because she can't afford childcare right now.

Buttigieg needs to offer more details about his plan, but he's definitely right when he says "It makes no sense, and it must change."

Elizabeth Warren on affordable childcare 

Next, Pfannenstiel turned to Sen. Elizabeth Warren, asking about a possible income limit for free childcare in Warren's plan. "Why do your plans cover everyone for public college, but not childcare and early learning?" Pfannenstiel asked.

"My plan is universal childcare for everyone. It just has some people adding a small payment," Warren explained.

Warren said she wants people to understand the plan and understand that, "I've been there. You know, I remember when I was a young mom. I had two little kids, and I had my first real university teaching job. It was hard work. I was excited. But it was childcare that nearly brought me down. We went through one childcare after another, and it just didn't work."

A family member, her aunt, stepped up to make sure Warren didn't have to quit her job, and Warren knows that we can't rely on aunts to fix the childcare crisis.

In her reply, Warren recognized that stepping back from the workforce can significantly reduce a mother's lifetime income (as mentioned above, five years out of the workforce for a mom making $50,000 a year can reduce her lifetime income by more than half a million dollars. This isn't just a matter of lost salary, it's also a matter of lost wage growth, and lost retirement funds.)

"I think about how many women of my generation just got knocked off the track and never got back on, how many of my daughter's generation get knocked off the track and don't get back on, how many mamas and daddies today are getting knocked off the track and never get back on," said Warren.

She continued: "I have a two cent wealth tax so that we can cover childcare for all of our children, and provide universal pre-K for every 3-year-old and 4-year-old in America, and stop exploiting the people who do this valuable work, largely black and brown women. We can raise the wages of every childcare worker and preschool teacher in America. That's an investment in our babies. That's an investment in their mamas and their daddies. And it's an investment in our teachers and in our economy."

Bernie Sanders on affordable childcare 

After Warren, Pfannenstiel tossed the topic to Sen. Bernie Sanders, asking if his plan for universal childcare program would be free for everyone regardless of income. Sanders pointed out how little the nation's childcare workers earn despite the very important job they are doing, comparing childcare worker's wages to those at McDonalds.

While Sanders' comparison of childcare worker's wages to fast food workers is flawed (as CNN's fact check team notes, data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics says the mean hourly wage for fast food worker makes $10.70 and the mean hourly wage for a childcare worker is $11.83) he raises an important point: As Motherly has previously reported, the average Amazon delivery driver in America earns more than the average day care worker or nanny.

When asked if his plan for universal childcare would be free to everyone, Sanders confirmed.

"We need to fundamentally change priorities in America. We should not be one of a few countries that does not have universal high-quality affordable childcare. We should not be one of the only major countries not to guarantee health care to all people as a human right. We should not be spending more than the 10 next countries on the military, hundreds of billions of dollars in subsidies for the fossil fuel industry, tax breaks for billionaires, and then tell the moms and dads in this country we cannot have high-quality affordable childcare."

Joe Biden on affordable childcare 

Former Vice President Joe Biden is considered by some to be the winner of this week's debate, and he, too, supports universal childcare. Like Warren, he took Pfannenstiel's question as an opportunity to remind the country that he has personally struggled with childcare in the past as a parent.

"There should be free universal infant care, but here's the deal. You know, I was a single parent, too. When my wife and daughter were killed, my two boys I had to raise. I was a senator, a young senator. I just hadn't been sworn in yet. And I was making $42,000 a year," he explained

Biden went on to recall that the unaffordable nature of childcare was one of the reasons why as a young solo parent he needed to commute 250 miles a day, because like Warren, he had to rely on family members for childcare. Next, he outlined how his plan will help parents who are in situations like that today.

"When I triple the amount of money for Title I schools, every child, 3, 4, and 5 years old, will, in fact, have full schooling. They'll go to school and after-school programs, which will release some of the burden," Biden explained.

He continued: "Secondly, I think we should have an $8,000 tax credit which would put 7 million women back to work that could afford to go to work and still care for their children as an $8,000 tax credit. I also believe that we should, in fact, for people who, in fact, are not able to afford any of the infant care to be able to get that care."

He then added: "But Bernie's right. We have to raise the salaries of the people who are doing the care. And I [will] provide for that, as well."

Tom Steyer and Sen. Amy Klobuchar did not take questions about childcare during the January debate. Klobuchar has previously worked with Republican Dan Sullivan to introduce the Child Care Workforce and Facilities Act, "to bring the cost of child care down and provide more child care centers in areas that need them the most." Steyer's plans and position on childcare costs remain unclear.

On February 3, 2020 Democrats in the Iowa caucuses will begin voting and time will soon tell which of the candidates will run against President Trump.

(For more information on where the other candidates stand on paid leave, childcare costs and health care see our previous coverage).

News

There's a chart going viral on Twitter right now and you don't have to be a data expert to understand it, although the mom behind the image is. Caitlin Hudon is a data scientist and a chart she created and tweeted has mothers everywhere nodding in agreement.

A new mom herself (her daughter is almost 6 months old) Hudon decided to measure how she used her time pre-baby and after welcoming her baby. The resulting chart is a pastel representation of something new parents know (and something society too often ignores): Taking care of a baby is incredibly time-consuming.

"The way you spend your time changes significantly when you have a baby (especially if you're a woman who decides to breastfeed)," Hudon captioned her chart. "I think this is best explained visually."

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Nursing/pumping is represented by pink in her chart, and it is easy to see how that activity took over her life in the first couple of months of motherhood. She literally did nothing but nurse, pump, sleep and care for her baby.

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"My goal for making the visualization was to help others to understand the way in which your day-to-day changes after you have a baby (and especially if you're breastfeeding). I knew, obviously, that life would change after having a baby, but I had no idea what it would like, and more specifically, I had no idea just how much time breastfeeding would take or the ways in which it's a constant part of your day," Hudon told Motherly via Twitter messages.

Hudon followed up her first chart with another chart examining just two categories: Nursing/pumping versus doing literally anything else.

"It truly can't be overstated how much time is devoted to nursing in the first six months of baby's life. (I really had no idea until I went through it!" she wrote on Twitter.

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"With the exception of sleep, I haven't gone more than four hours without nursing or pumping in 5.5 months. I think that's wild, and absolutely worth talking about," she tells Motherly.

Hudon is happy to see her data going viral, because it is sparking important conversations about the expectations new parents have, and the expectations society puts on them.

As Motherly has previously reported, new parents are under intense pressure to breastfeed, but a lack of paid parental leave and protections for breasting parents in the workplace make this already time-consuming task even more difficult.

As Hudon tells Motherly, she was privileged to have support from her partner. "I'm super lucky that my husband was able to take time off work to help. (He didn't get formal parental leave, but was able to take some of his saved sick time off to take care of me.) There's so much household stuff that didn't fit into this viz, like cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc., and it all slotted into time where we were caring for baby or free time. It's a lot to balance," she explains.

This is not the first time a new parent has used data visualization to tell the story of how our time use changes when we have a baby. Self-described new dad and data nerd Reddit user jitney86 shared his personal journey in 2017, posting his parental sleep deprivation in the form of a graph after he and his wife meticulously tracked their baby's life in 15-minute increments from three months to 17 months old.

When the data was plotted visually it showed a shift from erratic newborn behavior to more consistent sleep patterns.

Those extended sleep periods—for parents and babies—were also demonstrated in a 2010 study published in the journal Pediatrics, which found babies' sleep habits rapidly improved in the first months of life. The researchers also found that by baby's first birthday, 85% of parents could also celebrate consistently uninterrupted nights of sleep.

This is similar to Hudon's chart in a way: Over time her pink bars of breastfeeding/pumping get thinner, and more time for herself returns.

When we're in the thick of it, not sleeping and living our lives in 3-hour increments based on breastfeeding schedules it can feel like things will never get better—but it will happen, mama.

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