New data shows moms carry the ‘invisible work’ of family life
Credit: Canva/Motherly
“Moms plan 72.6% of everything—and parents can barely plan dinner.”
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If it ever feels like you’re become the frontal lobe for your entire family, it’s not just in your head. A viral Instagram post shared a chart from the latest Fair Play / USC report, and the numbers are staggering:
- Moms say they do 72.57% of the cognitive labor for their family—tackling the mental juggle of thinking, planning, and anticipating nearly all plans and tasks for the household.
- They also do 63.64% of the physical domestic labor, including tidying the home, packing lunches, and laundry. (So. Much. Laundry.)
- In 29 of 30 tasks, moms handle more of the thinking; in 28 of 30, more of the doing.
- The only exception? Taking out the garbage—where parents share both planning and execution. Home maintenance came next, but only in the “doing.”
Why this data lands like a punch
This isn’t just a sobering graph—it’s a mirror held up to our daily lives. The “mental load” is often invisible, yet it drags on us more than chopping, scrubbing, or cooking. Research shows that the mental toll of that uneven load correlates with higher levels of stress, depression, burnout, and even poor physical and mental health in mothers. Relationship satisfaction dips too.
How the cognitive load is sapping joy in motherhood
Think about your week: It’s likely you coordinated kids’ schedules, ordered groceries, remembered which snacks your child recently decided they hate, rebooked doctor appointments (“Why doesn’t anyone else ever ask about that?”), and remembered to schedule flowers for your parents’ upcoming anniversary. That’s cognitive labor happening in the background, and the USC report shows it’s not just exhausting—it’s actually harmful because the brain doesn’t get a break when it’s always planning.
Related: Moms need help after birth—but for 1 in 6, no one outside their partner showed up
A glimmer of hope: Fair Play isn’t just a pretty card game
USC’s partnership with Fair Play—a card-based system to help redistribute planning and chores—showed real promise. Families who embraced the method saw shifts toward more equitable labor splits, and moms reported lower burnout, less perceived stress, and better relationship satisfaction. And each small step toward fairness came with measurable relief.
What to do when you’re doing all the brainwork
- Name the labor. Don’t just ask, “Who’s cooking?” Say, “Who’s planning dinner, buying the food, and making sure your son eats it?” Naming the mental load brings it out of your brain and into the light.
- Play the Fair Play card. Literally. Try the tool, assign tasks, swap the invisible cards, and watch the responsibility start to shift.
- Talk it out. Share that mental burden—out loud. Remind your partner you’re not just “doing chores,” you’re planning them, too.
- Start small. Delegate one planning task this week. Groceries? Friday dinner? Washing your child’s soccer uniform before practice? Even one task is a step in the right direction. And the pay-off (less fatigue, improved mood) is well worth it.
Related: 82% of moms say they feel lonely—this is the wake-up call we can’t ignore
The real takeaway?
Mothers aren’t slacking They’re multitasking on a level that’s both awe-inspiring and unsustainable. The data isn’t far from our lived experience, but it gives us vocabulary and evidence. It says: the weight isn’t just emotional. It’s cognitive, and it’s real.
Let’s put fewer mental to-do’s on your head and more on the family radar—because your brain could use a break, too.
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