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Why the stigma around young parenthood is on the rise

There's been a notable shift in lamaze classes, playgroups and preschool orientations: Moms who had a child before 25 are in the minority for the first time.


According to newly released data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, birth rates fell by 4% among women in their 20s during 2017. During the same period, only women in their 40s saw a rise in birth rates. As a result, the average age of first-time mothers is now older than 26, which is up from 24 in 2000 and way up from 21 in 1970.

This is largely credited to the options women have in planning their families—whether through birth control when they aren't ready for children or through fertility assistance options that give them more confidence in waiting.

But as some women who had children earlier than average tell Motherly, the flipside seems to be a stigma against younger moms, even if the women themselves felt prepared for motherhood. "The most hurtful stereotype I endured was the assumption that young mothers are uneducated and live unstable, directionless lives," says QuaVaundra Perry, who had her first child during her junior year of college. "Nothing was further from the truth."

'People make assumptions about me'

Perhaps contributing to the stigma against young mothers is the fact that the rate of unmarried, first-time parents stood at 39% in 2016, according to the CDC—and many people automatically associate young parents with unmarried parents. "If 30 is the new 20, today's unmarried 20-somethings are the new teen moms," asserted the authors of the Knot Yet report in a 2013 op-ed for the Wall Street Journal. "And the tragic consequences are much the same: Children raised in homes that often put them at enormous disadvantage from the start of life."

But children born to young mothers aren't necessarily born into single-parent or disadvantaged households. In fact, CDC data shows fewer women under the age of 35 are having non-marital births than in years past while non-marital birth rates are at an all-time high for women aged 35 and older.

Either way, the relationship status of a mother, regardless of her age, should not be a concern to others. Yet probing questions are just one way in which there seems to be less respect shown toward younger mothers.

"I can remember being asked some of the craziest things, like, 'Did you plan that? Are you still with his dad?'" says Sara Goldstein, who had her first child at 23. "Things that none of my older friends with kids were ever asked."

Of course, getting unsolicited advice is a nearly universal experience for expectant or new mothers, regardless of their age. But among young mothers, there seems to be even less of a filter. "I've gotten every rude question from being outright asked if we had a shotgun wedding, if my boys were planned, if I wanted to be a mom so young, if I wish we'd waited," says Morgan Wieboldt, who had her first child shortly after graduating from college and getting married. "People make assumptions about me that I don't believe they wouldn't make with an older mom. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked if I was their nanny."

The positives get lost in the conversation

With so much focus on the perceived shortfalls of young motherhood, there isn't enough attention paid to the benefits that many parents say they experienced by having babies earlier than average.

"I often received unwarranted advice about raising my son or underhanded compliments like, 'Oh, you're a good mom compared to most moms your age,'" says Perry, who obtained a doctorate degree and established a successful counseling practice after having her son during college.

Despite what people seemed to think, Perry says this is largely because of her son. "Becoming a parent was the most precious gift ever," she tells Motherly. "Being a mother provided me with increased motivation to not only achieve, but to excel academically and occupationally."

Wiebolt also says young motherhood has positively shaped the way she parents and prioritizes. "I think that in some ways, not having it all together really forced me to be a better mom," she says. "We value family time and making memories over getting our kids 'all the things.'"

As the first of her friends to become a mother, Wiebolt says the experience led her to connect women she may otherwise not have known. By opening up in this way, there is a lot young mothers can learn from others.

But it's just as important to recognize how much there is for others to learn from young mothers, too.

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The bottle warmer has long been a point of contention for new mamas. Hotly debated as a must-have or superfluous baby registry choice, standard models generally leave new moms underwhelmed at best.

It was time for something better.

Meet the Algoflame Milk Warmer, a digital warming wand that heats beverages to the perfect temperature―at home and on the go. And like any modern mama's best friend, the Algoflame solves a number of problems you might not have even known you needed solved.

As with so many genius gadgets, this one is designed by two parents who saw a serious need. It's currently a Kickstarter raising money for production next year, but here are 10 unexpected ways this brilliant device lends a hand―and reasons why you should consider supporting its launch.

1. It's portable.

Every seasoned mama knows that mealtime can happen anywhere. And since you're unlikely to carry a clunky traditional milk warmer in your diaper bag, the Algoflame is your answer. The super-light design goes anywhere without weighing down your diaper bag.

2. It's battery operated.

No outlets necessary. Simply charge the built-in battery before heading out, and you're ready for whatever (and wherever) your schedule takes you. (Plus, when you contribute to the Kickstarter you can request an additional backup battery for those days when your errands take all.day.long.)

3. It's compact.

Even at home, traditional bottle warmers can be an eyesore on the countertop. Skip the bulky model for Algoflame's streamlined design. The warmer is about nine inches long and one inch wide, which means you can tuck it in a drawer out of sight when not in use.

4. It's waterproof.

No one likes taking apart bottle warmers to clean all the pieces. Algoflame's waterproof casing can be easily and quickly cleaned with dish soap and water―and then dried just as quickly so you're ready to use it again.

5. It has precise temperature control.

Your wrist is not a thermometer―why are you still using it to test your baby's milk temperature? Algoflame lets you control heating to the optimal temperature for breastmilk or formula to ensure your baby's food is safe.

6. It's fool-proof.

The LED display helps you know when the milk is ready, even in those bleary-eyed early morning hours. When the right temperature is reached, the wand's display glows green. Too hot, and it turns red (with a range of colors in between to help you determine how hot the liquid is). Now that's something even sleep-deprived parents can handle.

7. It's adaptable.

Sized to fit most bottles and cups on the market, you never have to worry about whether or not your bottles will fit into your warmer again.

8. It's multipurpose.

If you're a mom, chances are your cup of coffee is cold somewhere right now. The Algoflame has you covered, mama! Simply pop the wand into your mug to reheat your own beverage no matter where you are.

9. You can operate it with one hand.

From getting the milk warmer out to heating your baby's beverage, the entire wand is easy to activate with one hand―because you know you're holding a fussing baby in the other!

10. It's safe.

Besides being made from materials that comply with the FDA food contact safety standard, Algoflame boasts a double safety system thanks to its specially designed storage case. When put away in the case, the built-in magnetic safe lock turns the milk warmer to power-off protection mode so it won't activate accidentally. Additionally, the warmer's "idle-free design" prevents the heater from being accidentally activated out of the case.

To get involved and help bring the Algoflame Milk Warmer to new mamas everywhere, support the brand's Kickstarter campaign here.

This article is sponsored by Algoflame Milk Warmer. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

Jessica Simpson celebrated her baby shower this weekend (after getting a cupping treatment for her very swollen pregnancy feet) and her theme and IG captions have fans thinking this was not just a shower, but a baby name announcement as well.

Simpson (who is expecting her third child with former NFL player Eric Johnson) captioned two photos of her shower as "💚 Birdie's Nest 💚". The photographs show Simpson and her family standing under a neon sign spelling out the same thing.

While Simpson didn't explicitly state that she was naming her child Birdie, the numerous references to the name in her shower photos and IG stories have the internet convinced that she's picking the same name Busy Philips chose for her now 10-year-old daughter.

The name Birdie isn't in the top 1000 baby names according to the Social Security Administration, but It has been seeing a resurgence in recent years, according to name nerds and trend watchers.

"Birdie feels like a sassy but sweet, down-to-earth yet unusual name," Pamela Redmond Satran of Nameberry told Town and Country back in 2017. "It's also just old enough to be right on time."

Simpson's older kids are called Maxwell and Ace, which both have a vintage feel, so if Birdie really is her choice, the three old-school names make a nice sibling set.

Whether Birdie is the official name or just a cute nickname Simpson is playing around with, we get the appeal and bet she can't wait for her little one to arrive (and her feet to go back to normal!)

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Mamas, if you hire a cleaning service to tackle the toddler fingerprints on your windows, or shop at the neighborhood grocery store even when the deals are better across town, don't feel guilty. A new study by the University of British Columbia and Harvard Business School shows money buys happiness if it's used to give you more time. And that, in turn could be better for the whole family.

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Car seat safety is such an obsession for parents. We read the articles, listen to expert advice and join Facebook groups dedicated to the subject.

We strap our kids in tight to make sure they are safe, making sure those straps and that chest clip are in just the right place. With so much attention paid to strapping the child into the seat, it's easy to overlook the other part of the equation: Is the seat secured to the vehicle properly?

Now, a viral video has a lot of parents thinking twice not only about how secure their child is in their seat, but how securely that seat is attached to the car.

Warning: This video is upsetting, although the child was not hurt.

Minnesotan Chad Mock posted footage captured by his dash camera to Facebook this week, and the video has more than 1.2 million views. It shows the moment a 2-year-old girl, strapped into her car seat, fell out of her mom's car and into the roadway in front of Mock's vehicle.

"If it didn't happen in front of me I'd never have believed it," Mock captioned his upload.

Mock got out of his car and picked the child up. He got the child out of busy roadway and flagged down police.

According to the Star Tribune, the child's mom rushed back to the scene of the accident with another child in tow and was upset going to hug her daughter. Police figured out that the car seat didn't have the strap required to secure it to the vehicle, a 2004 Honda Civic that is equipped with the latch system. The driver's side rear door also wasn't completely closed, the paper reports.

The mom in this case is now facing charges: A misdemeanor child passenger restraint system violation, and a license permit violation because she was driving with just an instructional permit.

The Free Press of Mankato reports the mom explained to police (through a translator) that she believed her daughter was secured in the back seat but must have unlocked herself before she fell out of the car.

The mom in this case made some mistakes that day, but this story might help other parents avoid a common car seat mistake. We often check and double check how our kids are strapped in, but don't always check how secure the seat is to the vehicle.

Car seats can become loose without the usual driver of the vehicle knowing. Maybe an adult moved the seat and forgot to secure the top-tether when putting it back , maybe someone was hauling cargo or tilting seats forward in your vehicle or messing around with the LATCH system. Things can change from car ride to car ride, so always check to make sure the seat's not loose before you hit the road.

"You want less than one inch of movement when you give it a firm handshake at the belt path with your non dominant hand," Nationally Certified Child Passenger Safety Technician Wendy Thomas writes for Car Seats for the Littles. According to Thomas, the belt path is "the spot on the car seat where the seat belt or lower anchor strap goes through"

The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia echos her advice, and suggests parents "optimize the safety of [their] child safety seat by using its top tether strap located at the top of the seat. Check your car seat and vehicle manuals for proper use of the tether for your seat. If use of the tether is appropriate, tightly attach the seat's top tether strap to the correct anchor point in the vehicle and tighten."

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The shape appeals to kids and the organic and gluten-free labels appeal to parents in the freezer aisle, but if you've got a bag of Perdue's Simply Smart Organics Gluten Free Chicken Breast Nuggets, don't cook them.

The company is recalling 49,632 bags of the frozen, fully cooked Simply Smart Organics Gluten Free Chicken Breast Nuggets because they might be contaminated with wood.

According to the USDA, Perdue received three complaints about wood In the nuggets, but no one has been hurt.

The nuggets were manufactured on October 25, 2018 with a "Best By" date of October 25, 2019. The UPC code is 72745-80656. (The USDA provides an example of the packaging here so you'll know where to look for the code).


In a statement on the Perdue website the company's Vice President for Quality Assurance, Jeff Shaw, explains that "After a thorough investigation, we strongly believe this to be an isolated incident, as only a minimal amount of these packages has the potential to contain pieces of wood."

If you have these nuggets in your freezer you can call Perdue 877-727-3447 to ask for a refund.

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