It’s May, which means it’s officially that time of year when we’re inundated by advertisements for Mother’s Day gifts, and those who are shopping for Mom (*cough* men) are influenced by what to get. While it can be difficult to know exactly what to give her (*cough* a break), this mom’s hilarious viral TikTok spells it all out for anyone who might still be scratching their head to come up with ideas.

“No, false, absolutely not,” Emily Vondracheck, matriarch of TikTok’s The Vondy Fam, says in her latest TikTok video as a series of images appear on the green screen behind her. Because no, no one wants ANOTHER new necklace or a random assortment of rash-inducing bath and body items.

“Although I am as fierce as a mother bear, I do not want anything that says it,” she declares.

@thevondyfam

If all else fails, access my phone, open my tabs, look at one of the numerous shopping carts I have open and take your pick ❤️ #mothersdaygift #thrillerbooks #walmartfinds

♬ original sound – Emily Vondy

So what does she want? Well, here you go. (Her suggestions go double for me, in case anyone I know is still wondering what to get me.)

“I want this beach tote bag that I can put all my crap in, and it has a built-in cooler in the bottom for my treats,” she says, showing off a very cute summer tote. And here’s what she wants to put in it.

“I will take a candle, but I want this one—the salted coconut mahogany scent,” she continues.

She also wants some fun, non-alcoholic fizzy drinks because even though she’s currently pregnant, she still wants to have a summer beverage.

“I want a new thrilling book that I will read for the next 6 to 7 months,” she says, pointing to a solid book choice. Also, could that be the most real thing any mom has ever said about anything? I love to read more than pretty much anything, and yet my focusing abilities hover somewhere between nil and a hyper squirrel. (No, I don’t have ADHD, I’m just a mom.)

“I want you to present me with this tote bag and send me on my way to go wherever I want without my kids,” she concludes.

Hear, hear! Nothing better than a tote bag full of beverages and books and a day away to enjoy both—alone.

A version of this story was published in May 2023. It has been updated.