This dad attended a birthday party and finally saw what moms have been carrying all along
Credit: Instagram/dobetterjonathan
For many moms, Jonathan’s realization felt like both progress and frustration. It’s validating to be seen, but exhausting to still have to explain.
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When Jonathan, a dad who goes by @dobetterjonathan on Instagram, brought his daughter to a classmate’s birthday party, he quickly realized that he was the only solo dad in attendance. And while there were several solo moms there, he also quickly realized he was the only one getting offers of help and praise for his parenting.
And, as he explains in his now viral video, that’s exactly the problem. While Jonathan acknowledges that he and his wife split the duties of the party (she did the prep work while he brought both their children), he also realized this was not the norm for the majority of the other families at the party (or families in general).
For some viewers, it was a tender moment of awareness. For others—especially moms—it was a validation of something they’ve known all along: the quiet, relentless labor that mothers shoulder, often without acknowledgment or support.
Related: The invisible labor that’s breaking moms: How unequal mental load impacts mental health
The invisible load, finally seen
Jonathan’s post has sparked a flood of emotional comments:
“95% of men don’t realise this bias.” – @rebelinline
“Also single dads are treated like martyrs and single moms as villains.” – @harneet.u.kaur
What resonated wasn’t just the realization itself, but the glimpse into how normalized it is for moms to be the default parent. Whether it’s remembering the birthday gift, RSVP’ing, or managing weekend logistics, these mental and emotional tasks often fall to mothers, even in households that aim for equal partnership.
Numerous studies show that, even in relationships that aspire to be progressive, women in heterosexual relationships still do the bulk of housework and childcare. And it’s not just about who shows up at the party. It’s about who thought to buy the gift (and did the research on what to get), who wrapped it, who made sure the RSVP got sent, and who planned the rest of the weekend around the event.
Why this moment hit so many nerves
There’s a reason this short video hit home. It touched the cultural nerve of motherhood’s invisibility. As one commenter put it, “This is what we mean by we carry the mental load of our family.”
Sociologists call it the “unpaid labor gap.” It’s the cognitive, emotional, and organizational load that women disproportionately carry in families. It’s work that doesn’t show up in paychecks or performance reviews but absolutely affects mental health.
For many moms, Jonathan’s realization felt like both progress and frustration. It’s validating to be seen, but exhausting to still have to explain.
Related: The hidden labor behind kids’ birthdays—and why moms are done carrying it alone
Shifting the narrative: awareness is the first step
The point isn’t to dump on Jonathan or to glorify him for noticing. It’s to recognize that these small moments of awareness—when men actually see what women are carrying—can spark larger change.
One dad seeing the invisible load doesn’t fix the imbalance, but it starts the conversation. And that conversation matters, especially when it leads to tangible shifts: shared planning, open acknowledgment, and genuine partnership.
Related: Mom of four shares why household chores almost ended her marriage
The hopeful takeaway
The truth is, moms have been running the birthday-party circuit, the pediatrician appointments, the laundry, and the bedtime routines for generations. What’s new is that more dads are starting to notice and, ideally, to join in.
Here’s hoping that realization doesn’t just end with a like or a share, but continues with action. Because the work of parenting is big, and the more evenly it’s carried, the lighter it feels for everyone.
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