"One minute I feel productive & like super mom and the next I feel like I'm failing at it all."
Motherhood is a complex, glorious, challenging experience. You have the moments dreams are made of: welcoming your child, sweet snuggles before bedtime, and sticky kisses followed by a tiny toddler voice telling you, "I love you, mama." But you also have the moments you swore would never happen: losing your temper, yelling, and crying, over big and little things. We all have those moments, mama.
One mother is going viral for how she describes the highs and lows of motherhood. Again, let's be honest: we all have them. Maybe that's why Kenzi Reddick's essay is resonating with so many of us.
We've all had those highs. We've all had those lows. She writes:
"There are good days & bad days. Highs & lows. The place we are all in is just hard and we are human just trying to figure it out day by day. One minute I feel productive & like super mom and the next I feel like I'm failing at it all.
Today was a low - a valley kind of day. My kids are normally pretty great and well behaved (for what you can expect from a 4 and 1-year-old whose mom is also juggling working full-time). The moment I get on a conference call, it's like the diversion of my attention away from them sets them off. A flip of the switch kind of moment. They don't understand being asked to be quiet for 30 minutes so mommy can talk or listen. Or to stay out of the trash can. Or to not ask me for a snack for the 50th time. Or too sit still or share.
Today I hung up from a call, closed my computer next to the untouched and slightly cold coffee they spilled all over the counter, shouted at the top of my lungs in frustration and just sat in the kitchen floor and sobbed. And my kids got to bear witness to it. I documented this because I want to remember the valley as much as I remember the mountain. Because both are what shapes us. And because life isn't all cupcakes and rainbows. Some days I feel confident and accomplished and other days I just hope I loved well & hard enough.
The good thing is, these babies are resilient and forgiving. And despite the moments where I am lacking attention or patience, I am still their favorite person. They knew my frustration was directed to them and they both cried and came directly to hug me. They held me. And Lane kept apologizing for making me sad. Not my proudest moment as a mama but it was a raw one. And so we sat in the floor and hugged and I apologized and got up and tried again and for today, that is enough.
Sending huge hugs to all you mamas in both your highs & lows. And while they all matter greatly, they all shall pass, too. Here's to doing our best & here's to grace."