There’s no such thing as holding your baby ‘too much’

As a first-time mom, I was raw and vulnerable. Yet when I held my baby close, a feeling of comfort, calmness, connection and love came over me. Nestled against my warm body, listening to my heartbeat and smelling my familiar scent was my baby’s favorite place to be. But the women around me, fellow moms with more experience, would say things like: “You’re holding her too much.” 

In this fast-paced world that doesn’t see the sacredness of motherhood, my nurturing spirit questioned what I was being told. I felt a major disconnect between what was considered normal and what felt right for me and my child.  

When I hold my baby close, we both feel safe and at home.

Why should I put her down?  When I hold my baby close, we both feel safe and at home. It’s the most natural thing in the world. We feel connected and fulfilled as our bodies touch and our wide eyes are locked. Western society likes convenience and praises productivity but, what if being a present, attuned and responsive mother is who I came here to be? There is a new wave of women becoming mothers who are embracing motherhood and prioritizing their child’s emotional, mental, spiritual and physical needs in the most loving way that suits both mother and baby.

 There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the bliss of a contact nap or holding your baby in the comfort of your arms after an oxytocin-filled feed. People might say, “she needs to be independent” or “you’ll spoil her.” But she was born just a few months ago and she is a baby. Even as adults, we desire to feel loved, to be held, seen, heard and comforted. So, it’s pretty wild that we should place such different expectations on a baby. 

My 4 month old baby girl does have time for independent play during the day and most of the time she sleeps through the night in a cot in her own room. But when it comes to daytime, it seems to be taboo to keep her close, like she is somehow an inconvenience. 

As a mother, I want to support my child so she can be empowered and be her authentic self in the world. Acting like she should behave differently or, like she is a burden, definitely is not conducive to that. 

I have gained so much wisdom from witnessing old, outdated perspectives on motherhood. I know there is no one-size-fits-all approach. I would like to be in the thick of motherhood and experience all it has to offer. Let’s face it, there will be a time when my girl is too big to be held in my arms, when she will no longer be breastfed and when I won’t spend all day with her. 

I say to hell with all these modern-day rules and expectations that are steeped in disconnection and lack of love. Being a mother is a great gift so, I will be treating it as such. To all of the moms reading this, know you are the best mother for your baby. You are not wrong if you want to parent in a way that is different from others. You can be your child’s safe space, their source of unconditional love. Do what works for you.