“Nobody warned me about this”: The postpartum truths moms wish they knew sooner

Pregnancy books cover so much. Labor and delivery classes help a little. But when TikTok creator Lindsey Bosway (@lindseybosway) asked her friends and followers, “What rocked you most postpartum?”—the floodgates opened.

The now-viral TikTok, which has more than 4.2 million views, hit home for thousands of mothers. Not because they were surprised—but because they weren’t. Because they had gone through their own version of it in silence. Because no one warned them.

It’s clear: the conversation around postpartum recovery still isn’t loud enough. But this video? It’s helping turn up the volume.

@lindseybosway What about you? #momtok #MomsOfTikTok #momlife #postpartum ♬ original sound – LindseyBosway | Motherhood

The physical shocks no one preps you for

For some, it wasn’t the baby blues or sleep deprivation. It was their own bodies. During the viral TikTok, Bosway asked six of her friends what shocked them most postpartum, and these were some of their responses:

“I got Bell’s palsy the day I went into labor with my first, and it took a few weeks to resolve… half of my face did not work. It was traumatizing.”

“Debilitating mastitis that put me in the hospital… [and] my c-section incision opened.”

“Postpartum preeclampsia four days after, even though I didn’t have any high blood pressure during any of my pregnancies.”

These aren’t rare complications. But they are rarely talked about in baby showers or OB check-ins.

Related: Cat sees postpartum mom struggling to pump—and does something unbelievable

The emotional whiplash hits hard

So many commenters echoed the same truth: the emotional load was heavier than they expected.

• @Jessica 🦋 Wife 💍 Mama 💙 TN: “The resentment towards your husband, whose life never really changed, and yours changed dramatically.”
• @Jade Pearce: “Postpartum rage but only towards my husband and pets.”
• @McKynna: “Being perpetually damp. Always sweating, milk leaking, postpartum bleeding. I just felt so gross all over.”
• @Deanna Hospers: “No one warned me of the smell! I’m 5 weeks postpartum and am just starting to not stink. Lochia and BO are no joke for a few weeks.”

Intrusive thoughts. Nighttime panic. Rage. They’re all normal, but without space to talk about them, they feel anything but.

The identity shift that no one prepares you for

For many moms, the postpartum period triggers a full-body transformation, but the emotional and identity shift can be even more jarring. The expectations of who you were before and who you’re expected to be now don’t always align—and that tension shows up everywhere, especially in relationships.

One mom @KEDZY shared, “My marriage!! I wish having a difficult time in marriage after having a baby was normalized more – you’re both new and struggling in different ways. And it’s okay!”

It’s a reminder that adjusting to new roles—parent, partner, protector—can strain even the strongest bonds. That’s especially true when the emotional weight of motherhood starts to layer in. “Sundown scaries” were a recurring theme in the comments, as was the emotional toll of phantom crying—when your body and brain feel so on edge, you think you hear your baby crying even when they’re not.

@Taylor wrote, “Phantom crying in the night made me feeling I should be admitting myself into a mental hospital.” @Grace added, “The inconsolable crying is BY FAR the worst.”

These aren’t signs of failure. They’re signs of just how all-consuming early parenthood can be—physically, emotionally.

Related: Your sister’s postpartum mental health could affect yours—here’s what new research reveals

Expert insight: Why isn’t this talked about more?

Despite how common postpartum challenges are, they’re still not widely discussed—especially outside of clinical settings.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) emphasizes that the first weeks after birth—the “fourth trimester”—are a crucial time for comprehensive maternal care. Their Committee Opinion No. 736 highlights that:

“The weeks following birth are a critical period for a woman and her infant, setting the stage for long‑term health and well‑being,” and calls for a shift from a single six‑week postpartum visit to an ongoing, personalized postpartum care plan, including earlier follow-up within three weeks of birth.

Research also shows that lack of preparation and societal silence around postpartum realities can increase feelings of isolation. A 2020 study published in BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth found that women who received less comprehensive postpartum education were more likely to report distress and dissatisfaction during recovery.

In short: it’s not that these challenges are rare. It’s that we haven’t created enough space to talk about them.

Every story is different—but no mom should feel alone

Every birth, pregnancy, and postpartum journey is unique—but the more we talk about the realities of recovery, the more we can reduce stigma, raise awareness, and remind new moms that they’re not broken. They’re just human.

What rocked you most postpartum?

We want to hear your story. Head to @mother.ly on Instagram and share in the comments—or DM us your experience to be featured in our community roundup.