You didn't know how much the living room clock would be your closest companion,
watching it always and praying for it to be the right time: the time when you can finally feed your
baby again, because you don't know how else to stop her from crying.
I am with you—in the heaviness and the lightness. I just
want you to know that. You're not alone, and I know I'm not either. And sometimes, that's what we
need to know most of all.
When doing these exercises always speak in a gentle soothing voice, use rhythm and
repetition, and slow down as you speak. As your child seems more relaxed pause between some words,
and elongate sounds.
During the waiting, time changes shape. I can wait for half an hour and think it's
been five minutes, and it happens the other way around too. I always feel like I should be using my
time more productively, but I'm afraid to make a sound and I can't focus on anything anyways.
While sometimes it can feel selfish or even indulgent to take time for ourselves,
no one wants a sad, broken mama. We need to take time to do the things that heal us.
When you're a sleep-deprived new mom, it's hard to solve anything alone. Sometimes
you need to take a step back and get some perspective which, for me, meant farming out the process
to a trusted individual.
