Rachel Maucieri

Remember the last time your child told you, with unending enthusiasm, about their latest Lego project ("...and this is the launcher! And the tower! And the place they sleep! And this…")? Yes, the description went on forever. On the other hand, your child had no hesitancy in telling you about something they care about.

Wouldn't it be great if you had that same open communication with everything?

While it might feel like those run-on conversations with your 5-year-old are meandering, hard to follow, and sometimes downright boring, you can actually use these conversations to set up the habits of open communication that can last your child's lifetime.

Here are three tips to get you started:

1. First, remember they're beginners

Kids, for all their talking, are still beginners in the art of conversation. Depending on their age, they have varying levels of conversational skills, and even as teens they're still refining and practicing them. One-word answers, run-on answers and other awkward conversation moments are opportunities to help our kids practice communicating. Remembering this makes it easier to hang in there when listening gets tough.

2. Be curious

When you ask a question, and your child responds with a one-word answer, be ready to probe a bit—not as an interrogation, but in a way that expresses your curiosity about your child.

If they describe the movie they saw with a one-word answer, expand on that. What made it 'cool," 'great,' or 'boring?" Ask about details, and you are more likely to get a detailed answer. "What do you think the hero was thinking when she was trapped by her enemy?" "What was the most exciting scene?"

As adults, we have a large bank of vocabulary and experiences to draw from—this makes it easier for us to describe events and feelings. Our kids are still building that reservoir. Help them paint a more vivid picture with their description through your specific questions. Think about asking for specifics that will allow your child to share their experiences. Get them filling in those details!

3. Start with the familiar…the very familiar

It's tempting to shy away from kids' favorite conversation topics because you've already heard about them over and over, but those same topics are great starting points. Your kids are eager to tell you in great detail everything they know about the topic, be it their favorite video game, the book series they love, or their latest interest in dinosaurs.

Now try these 10 phrases:

The following 10 conversation starters are from Bounceback Parenting, A Field Guide to Connection, Not Perfection. These conversation starters are great because they're entertaining and let you get to know one another while you're on a drive, waiting in line, or eating a meal together.

1. What's something that our family is really good at?

2. What are you looking forward to about ____________?

3. What was the [funniest, grossest, weirdest, happiest, saddest] thing you noticed today?

4. What would be the worst superpower to have? What would be the best superpower to have?

5. If you could be any character in a book, who would you choose? Why?

6. When during the day do you feel the best? What season of the year do you like best?

7. Tell a memory of one of your favorite birthdays (or other holidays).

8. If you could solve one problem in the world, what would it be?

9. If you could, what part of today would you repeat? What part of today would you change?

10. What do you think your [grandpa, grandma, or other faraway relative] is doing right now?

Keep on listening and talking about the things your kids care about now, and they'll know they can come to you later as those topics get a bit more complex.

You might also like:

In This Article

    Tips parents need to know about poor air quality and caring for kids with asthma

    There are steps parents can take to keep their children as healthy as possible.

    When wildfires struck the West Coast in September 2020, there was a lot for parents to worry about. For parents of children with asthma, though, the danger could be even greater. "There are more than 400 toxins that are present in wildfire smoke. That can activate the immune system in ways that aren't helpful by both causing an inflammatory response and distracting the immune system from fighting infection," says Amy Oro, MD, a pediatrician at Stanford Children's Health. "When smoke enters into the lungs, it causes irritation and muscle spasms of the smooth muscle that is around the small breathing tubes in the lungs. This can lead to difficulty with breathing and wheezing. It's really difficult on the lungs."

    With the added concern of COVID-19 and the effect it can have on breathing, many parents feel unsure about how to keep their children protected. The good news is that there are steps parents can take to keep their children as healthy as possible.

    Here are tips parents need to know about how to deal with poor air quality when your child has asthma.

    Minimize smoke exposure.

    Especially when the air quality index reaches dangerous levels, it's best to stay indoors as much as possible. You can find out your area's AQI at An under 50 rating is the safest, but between 100-150 is considered unhealthy for sensitive groups, such as children with asthma. "If you're being told to stay indoors, listen. If you can, keep the windows and doors closed," Oro says.

    Do your best to filter the air.

    According to Oro, a HEPA filter is your best bet to effectively clean pollutants from the air. Many homes are equipped with a built-in HEPA filter in their air conditioning systems, but you can also get a canister filter. Oro says her family (her husband and children all suffer from asthma) also made use of a hack from the New York Times and built their own filter by duct taping a HEPA furnace filter to the front of a box fan. "It was pretty disgusting what we accumulated in the first 20 hours in our fan," she says.

    Avoid letting your child play outside or overly exert themselves in open air.

    "Unfortunately, cloth masks don't do very much [to protect you from the smoke pollution]," Oro says. "You really need an N95 mask, and most of those have been allocated toward essential workers." To keep at-risk children safer, Oro recommends avoiding brisk exercise outdoors. Instead, set up an indoor obstacle course or challenge your family to jumping jacks periodically to keep everyone moving safely.

    Know the difference between smoke exposure and COVID-19.

    "COVID-19 can have a lot of the same symptoms—dry cough, sore throat, shortness of breath and chest pain could overlap. But what COVID and other viruses generally cause are fever, chills, vomiting, diarrhea and body aches. Those would tell you it's not just smoke exposure," Oro says. When a child has been exposed to smoke, they often complain of a "scrape" in their throat, burning eyes, cough, shortness of breath, chest pain or wheezing. If the child has asthma, parents should watch for a flare of symptoms, such as coughing, wheezing or a tight sensation in their chest.

    Unfortunately, not much is known about long-term exposure to wildfire smoke on a healthy or compromised immune system, but elevated levels of air pollution have been associated with increased COVID-19 rates. That's because whenever there's an issue with your immune system, it distracts your immune system from fighting infections and you have a harder time fighting off viruses. Limiting your exposure to wildfire smoke is your best bet to keep immune systems strong.

    Have a plan in place if you think your child is suffering from smoke exposure.

    Whatever type of medication your child takes for asthma, make sure you have it on-hand and that your child is keeping up with regular doses. Contact your child's pediatrician, especially if your area has a hazardous air quality—they may want to adjust your child's medication schedule or dosage to prevent an attack. Oro also recommends that, if your child has asthma, it might be helpful to have a stethoscope or even a pulse oximeter at home to help diagnose issues with your pediatrician through telehealth.

    Most importantly, don't panic.

    In some cases, social distancing and distance learning due to COVID may be helping to keep sensitive groups like children with asthma safer. Oro says wildfires in past years have generally resulted in more ER visits for children, but the most recent fires haven't seen the same results. "A lot of what we've seen is that the smoke really adversely affects adults, especially older adults over 65," Oro says. "Children tend to be really resilient."

    This article was sponsored by Stanford Children's Health. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

    Our Partners

    It’s science: Vacations make your kids happy long after they’re over

    Whether you're planning a quick trip to the lake or flying the fam to a resort, the results are the same: A happier, more connected family.

    Whether you're looking for hotels or a rental home for a safe family getaway, or just punching in your credit card number to reserve a spot in a campground a couple of states over, the cost of vacation plans can make a mom wince. And while price is definitely something to consider when planning a family vacation, science suggests we should consider these trips—and their benefits—priceless.

    Research indicates that family vacations are essential. They make our, kids (and us) happier and build bonds and memories.

    Keep reading Show less

    29 last-minute family Halloween costumes you can pull together NOW

    If your little one is going as a lion, coordinating is as easy as breaking out the khaki!

    Here's how Halloween unfolds in most households I know: Mom spends weeks—even months—planning the perfect costumes for little ones. Then Halloween creeps up and they realize they need an outfit to coordinate with the kids' get-ups. What's a mom to do?!

    Thankfully, there's no need for fear or pressure: There are so many ideas for parents that are easy to make and still super clever.

    Keep reading Show less