Watching you sleep is the exact way I needed to end this tough day

Tears streamed down my face and love filled my heart.

Watching you sleep is the exact way I needed to end this tough day

I laid down in my bed to go to sleep but something urged me to snuggle you close.

You had gone to sleep hours ago, which was something we both needed after a long day. Today wasn’t one of the easy days.

By dinnertime, I was counting down the hours left until bed. I waited for just a little time to myself since my day had been spent trying to help you manage oversized emotions. Sometimes managing your emotions isn’t easy because I naturally take them on as my own.

I was tired physically and emotionally.

I couldn’t fight the urge, so while you slept, I crept into your starlit room. I laid down beside you in your red car bed and cuddled your delicate and thin body.


The last of your baby fat disappeared months ago and a lanky frame replaced it. I admired your beautiful and innocent face and in that moment the rest of the world disappeared.

I noticed your long eyelashes below your gently fluttering eyelids. I stroked your soft cheek and ran my fingers through your full, chamomile-scented hair.

I listened to your soft snore and watched your little chest rise and fall as you breathed. I interlaced my longer fingers between your tiny fingers and kissed your sweet hand. Though your baby hands had grown, they were still ever-so-small.

And there, I cried.

Tears streamed down my face and love filled my heart.

I cried because the magnitude of my love for you was stronger than my heart could bear. Because I saw such innocence in your face and was overcome by your angelic little soul.

I cried because I could see the newborn baby you once were in your preschool boy face. Because I remembered that amazing moment you were born screaming, and how when you were tossed onto my chest you looked into my eyes and grew silent.

I cried because of the recurrent miscarriages I had before you, and because had they of not happened, I wouldn’t have you.

I cried because I didn’t feel worthy of such a beautiful little person. Because you were the boy who made me a mommy.

I cried for the times I lost my patience with you. I realized my emotions at the time were just so trivial now.

I cried for the times your behavior overshadowed seeing the sweet little nature of you. Your meltdowns signified that you needed my guidance and reassurance.

I cried because you deserve the best mommy in the entire world and I’m just a human one. Though some days I am a super mommy, for the most part I am just an over-caffeinated good one.

I cried because despite my failures, you love me beyond measure. And, that love is not one that can be taken for granted.

You, every ounce of you there is, is written in my heart. Before you, my heart felt full but really it craved the piece I didn’t know was missing. That piece was you.

And, when you came into my life and into my arms, you gave my life a meaning I had never known before.

Never, ever question my love for you because to me, love is you.

And because of that perfect, beautiful gift, I cry. With wonder, heartache, gratitude and the most profound love I’ll ever know. I cry.

This is how we’re defining success this school year

Hint: It's not related to grades.

In the ever-moving lives of parents and children, opportunities to slow down and reflect on priorities can be hard to come by. But a new school year scheduled to begin in the midst of a global pandemic offers the chance to reflect on how we should all think about measures of success. For both parents and kids, that may mean putting a fresh emphasis on optimism, creativity and curiosity.

Throughout recent decades, "school success" became entangled with "academic achievement," with cases of anxiety among school children dramatically increasing in the past few generations. Then, almost overnight, the American school system was turned on its head in the spring of 2020. As we look ahead to a new school year that will look like no year past, more is being asked of teachers, students and parents, such as acclimating to distance learning, collaborating with peers from afar and aiming to maintain consistency with schooling amidst general instability due to COVID.

Despite the inherent challenges, there is also an overdue opportunity to redefine success during the school year by finding fresh ways to keep students and their parents involved in the learning process.

"I always encourage my son to try at least one difficult thing every school year," says Arushi Garg, parenting blogger and mom of a 4-year-old. "This challenges him but also allows me to remind him to be optimistic! Lots of things in life are hard, and it's important we learn to be positive during difficult times. Fostering a sense of optimism allows kids to push beyond what they thought possible, like biking without training wheels or reading above their grade level."

Here are a few mantras to keep in mind this school year:

Quality learning matters more than quantifying learning

After focusing on standardized measures of academic success for so long, the learning environment this next school year may involve more independent, remote learning. Some parents are considering this an exciting opportunity for their children to assume a bigger role in what they are learning—and parents are also getting on board by supporting their children's education with engaging, positive learning materials like Highlights Magazine.

As a working mom, Garg also appreciates that Highlights Magazine can help engage her son while she's also working. She says, "He sits next to me and solves puzzles in the magazine or practices his writing from the workbook."

Keep an open mind as "school" looks different

Whether children are of preschool age or in the midst of high school, "going to school" is bound to look different this year. Naturally, this may require some adjustment as kids become accustomed to new guidelines. Although many parents may wish to shelter our kids from challenges, others believe optimism can be fostered through adversity when everyone is committed to adapting to new experiences.

"Honestly, I am yet to figure out when I will be comfortable sending [my son] back [to school]," says Garg. In the meantime, she's helping her son remain connected with friends who also read Highlights Magazine by encouraging the kids to talk about what they are learning on video calls.

Follow children's cues about what interests them

For Garg, her biggest hope for this school year is that her son will create "success" for himself by embracing new learning possibilities with positivity.

"Encouraging my son to try new things has given him a chance to prove that he can do anything," she says. "He takes his previous success as an example now and feels he can fail multiple times before he succeeds."

There's no denying that this school year will be far from the norm. But, perhaps, we can create a new, better way of defining our children's success in school because of it.

This article was sponsored by Highlights. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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