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‘When are you done having kids?’

One mama shares her story on how and when she realized she’s finished having children, and her journey of acceptance.

‘When are you done having kids?’

I always wanted three children.

In my twenties, I laughingly shared with friends my desire to have two boys and a girl. My husband and I married quite young, so although I was nowhere near ready to have this futuristic family, it was fun to imagine what our children would be like in the years to come.


Of course, that was before my thirties; before the miscarriages and fertility struggles that I’ve chronicled here on Motherly; before I had the wherewithal to understand that baby making isn’t always easy and sometimes doesn’t turn out quite the way you expect or imagine.

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After everything I had been through to get my sons here on earth with me, I felt selfish even considering having another baby.

But when I found out I was having my second child, and he was another little boy, I confess for a whole week, I looked at little girls in the park and would tear up.

While I was grateful to have been given the gift of my son growing inside me and already loved him entirely, I also wanted a daughter and I felt this wish from the depth of my body and soul.

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I realized that part of this intense longing developed because I lost a baby girl during my second miscarriage. I grieved for her, the daughter I never had, and intuitively understood given my complicated fertility struggles that this would likely be my last pregnancy.

After my son was born prematurely and in the NICU for forty eight days, I felt embarrassed for even having any gender disappointment at all.

He was most certainly all that I wanted and I was madly in love with him the second I held him. It was yet another reminder that babies are pure magic.

In the blink of an eye, I had two toddlers running around my New York apartment and life was blissful. Yet the thought of her, the daughter I never had, remained with me. I shared this feeling with other mothers; some who felt a yearning desire for another baby, others who knew with absolute certainty they were done having kids, and still others who weren’t sure yet, like myself.

I asked my fertility doctor if it would even be safe for me to try and conceive again. His response was that it would be “extremely dicey, but doable” since I had a very fragile situation with my last pregnancy. My doctors’ sentiments did not make me feel optimistic and I thought of the two beautiful children that I already had at home. My husband listened and comforted me as we contemplated this choice.

After time spent speaking together, he emotionally recounted the moments during my last labor when he watched me almost die and painfully told me that he could not go through that again.

I understood rationally that my fertility history indicated I would probably never have another baby. There was however a part of me that kept coming back to the heart felt question... as mothers, how do you really know when you’re “done” having babies?

I think a lot of women struggle with this. For the lucky ones, it seems instinctual; you just know when your family is complete. For others, it seems that maybe this is a question which will never be answered but life moves forward and circumstances change so there is one day an acceptance that your family is complete.

The latter is what has happened to me. I have researched other avenues like surrogacy and adoption but we have decided (for now) that our family is four.

Yes, there is very real grieving that has occurred: I will never ever again hold my baby in the ergo, smell his beautiful newborn scent, watch him smile for the first time, give him a first bath.

So many wondrous “firsts.” On the flip side, I will never again have the sleepless nights, deal with an annoying breast pump, or go through the very real and challenging terrible twos. The hardest parts about having toddlers is almost behind me, and from what I hear from other mothers, life with two school aged children is purely joyful and easier in comparison.

When do we come to the conclusion that we are done having babies?

The answer is that for some of us, we never really know. As mothers, all we can do is hold on tightly to the little blessings we created and let life take it’s course. We can continue to have gratitude for all that we have in these beautiful creations of love as time inevitably moves forward and life invariably moves on.



Azizah is a California bred New Yorker, mommy, wife, actress, producer and musician. You can follow Azizah on her blog, The Artist Mommy.


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These challenges from Nike PLAYlist are exactly what my child needs to stay active

Plus a fall family bucket list to keep everyone moving all season long.

While it's hard to name anything that the pandemic hasn't affected, one thing that is constantly on my mind is how to keep my family active despite spending more time indoors. Normally, this time of year would be spent at dance and gymnastics lessons, meeting up with friends for games and field trips, and long afternoon playdates where we can all let off a little steam. Instead, we find ourselves inside more often than ever before—and facing down a long winter of a lot more of the same.

I started to search for an outlet that would get my girls moving safely while we social distance, but at first I didn't find a lot of solutions. Online videos either weren't terribly engaging for my active kids, or the messaging wasn't as positive around the power of movement as I would like. Then I found the Nike PLAYlist.

I always knew that Nike could get me moving, but I was so impressed to discover this simple resource for parents. PLAYlist is an episodic sports show on YouTube that's made for kids and designed to teach them the power of expressing themselves through movement. The enthusiastic kid hosts immediately captured my daughter's attention, and I love how the physical activity is organically incorporated in fun activities without ever being specifically called out as anything other than play. For example, this segment where the kids turn yoga into a game of Paper Scissors Rock? Totally genius. The challenges from #TheReplays even get my husband and me moving more when our daughter turns it into a friendly family competition. (Plus, I love the play-inspired sportswear made just for kids!)

My daughter loves the simple Shake Ups at the beginning of the episode and is usually hopping off the couch to jump, dance and play within seconds. One of her favorites is this Sock Flinger Shake Up activity from the Nike PLAYlist that's easy for me to get in on too. Even after we've put away the tablet, the show inspires her to create her own challenges throughout the day.

The best part? The episodes are all under 5 minutes, so they're easy to sprinkle throughout the day whenever we need to work out some wiggles (without adding a lot of screen time to our schedule).

Whether you're looking for simple alternatives to P.E. and sports or simply need fun ways to help your child burn off energy after a day of socially distanced school, Nike's PLAYlist is a fun, kid-friendly way to get everyone moving.

Need more movement inspiration for fall? Here are 5 ways my family is getting up and getting active this season:

1. Go apple picking.

Truly, it doesn't really feel like fall until we've picked our first apple. (Or had our first bite of apple cider donut!) Need to burn off that extra cinnamon-sugar energy? Declare a quick relay race up the orchard aisle—winner gets first to pick of apples at home.

To wear: These Printed Training Tights are perfect for when even a casual walk turns into a race (and they help my daughter scurry up a branch for the big apples).

2. Visit a pumpkin patch.

We love to pick up a few locally grown pumpkins to decorate or cook with each year. Challenge your child to a "strongman" contest and see who can lift the heaviest pumpkin while you're there.

To wear: Suit up your little one in comfort with this Baby Full Zip Coverall so you're ready for whatever adventures the day brings.

3. Have a nature scavenger hunt.

Scavenger hunts are one of my favorite ways to keep my daughter preoccupied all year long. We love to get outside and search for acorns, leaves and pinecones as part of our homeschool, but it's also just a great way to get her exercising those gross motor skills whenever the wiggles start to build up.

To wear: It's not truly fall until you break out a hoodie. This cozy Therma Elite Kids Hoodie features a mesh overlay to release heat while your child plays.

4. Have a touch-football game.

Tip for parents with very little kids: It doesn't have to last as long as a real football game. 😂 In fact, staging our own mini-games is one of our favorite ways to get everyone up and moving in between quarters during Sunday football, and I promise we all sleep better that night.

To wear: From impromptu games of tag to running through our favorite trails, these kids' Nike Air Zoom Speed running shoes are made to cover ground all season long.

5. Create an indoor obstacle course.

Pretending the floor is lava was just the beginning. See how elaborate your personal course can get, from jumping on the couch to rolling under the coffee table to hopping down the hallway on one foot.

To wear: These ready-for-any-activity Dri-FIT Tempo Shorts are perfect for crawling, hopping and racing—and cuddling up when it's time to rest.

This article was sponsored by Nike. Thank you for supporting the brands that supporting Motherly and mamas.

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When Chrissy Teigen announced her third pregnancy earlier this year we were so happy for her and now our hearts are with her as she is going through a pain that is unimaginable for many, but one that so many other mothers know.

Halfway through a high-risk pregnancy complicated by placenta issues, Teigen announced late Wednesday that she has suffered a pregnancy loss.

Our deepest condolences go out to Chrissy and her husband, John Legend (who has been by her side in the hospital for several days now).

In a social media post, Teigen explained she named this baby Jack.

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"We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we've never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn't enough," she wrote.

She continued: "We never decide on our babies' names until the last possible moment after they're born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever."

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