A modern lifestyle brand redefining motherhood

This summer I welcomed my amazing son into the world. Like many soon-to-be parents, my husband and I signed up for our local prenatal class series, confident that I'd leave the course feeling prepared. And I was, in a way.

We learned about the stages of labor, pain relief methods, and emergency C-sections. But almost no time was dedicated to the postpartum period, or the blurry, foggy, overall confusing newborn stage.

In the 8.5 months that I've been a mom, I've by no means become an expert, but I have learned some lessons that have served me well as I navigate this new world. Things that, honestly, I wish someone would have given me the head's up on.

Here they are:

1. Simple doesn’t mean easy.

Feed, change, cuddle, repeat. Bathe occasionally. Clothe. Simple, right?

Caring for a newborn may be simple in theory, but make no mistake— there's nothing easy about it. In fact, it's shocking how difficult it can be. Lack of sleep played a huge role for me in how difficult things often felt, as did my physical recovery, and well, the huge adjustment to being a mother.

2. You’ll recover at your own pace.

After a beautiful, calm labor—the labor I had dreamed of—I was utterly disappointed in myself for recovering so slowly. I knew people who were out and about, jogging with their newborns in their strollers just a few days postpartum.

Me? The journey from the car to our condo unit felt like a marathon. It hurt to stand. It hurt to sit. I was bleeding. I was leaking milk. Taking a shower was terrifying.

In fairness, my delivery was complicated—the umbilical cord was wrapped around my son's shoulder and his heart rate was dropping, so I needed a massive episiotomy and the help of a vacuum to get him out ASAP. But I couldn't believe how long it took me to feel like myself again. I wasn't close to healed by the 6-week timeline—it was more like three months.

I remember thinking, forget about getting my pre-baby body back—I just want a body that functions! But beating myself up wasn't going to speed up the recovery process. It only made me feel worse.

Be kind to yourself. It took nine months (give or take) for your body to grow and birth your baby, and it'll take time for things to fall back into place.

3. Your baby might have recovery time too.

After delivery, my baby had a swollen head from the vacuum extraction and was jaundiced. He didn't exactly look like the sweet, chubby baby I was expecting.

When he cried and was fussy, I had to remind myself that he was healing just like I was. We were in this together, and neither of us was feeling our best.

4. You’ll want someone at your appointments.

Between the sleep deprivation, hormones, and total newness of it all, doctor's appointments can seem like a hazy blur. Recruit your partner, your mom, your sister, or a close friend to come with you. They'll listen, ask questions, and help you remember things after the fact.

I don't know how many times my husband said to me, "Don't worry, the doctor said that's normal," and I thought When the heck did he say that? That's normal, mama. Your body may be working overtime but your mind might feel like it is moving in slow motion.

5. Unexpected people will reach out.

One of the most amazing experiences during my pregnancy and postpartum period was the people who reached out to offer love and support—not just congratulatory wishes but an invitation to talk about how things are really going.

Because those who have gone through it recently know how trying those first few days, weeks, and months can be. If you don't have lots of close friends or family members who are having babies at the same time as you, you can feel extremely alone.

I had a former co-worker who now lives halfway across the country reach out in the most touching way, and she still stays in touch.

When someone holds their hand out, take it—it can be such a wonderful experience. Plus, you may be able to pass it on one day too.

6. Little victories are worth celebrating.

One of the most powerful, important things you can do is celebrate small victories, and be thankful for little joys.

At the very beginning, I tried to do one simple thing every day— cut and file my nails, write a thank you card for a gift I received, drink a hot cup of tea.

Later on, my victories got slightly bigger—meet my sister for lunch, go for a walk with the baby to the grocery store. On more than one occasion, I looked down at my baby when I got home from being out with him and said, "Look at us—look at what we can do!"

When you're a new mom, it's perfectly acceptable to be proud of yourself for getting dinner on the table or running an errand. In fact, you should be beaming with pride. You did it!

7. There’s no shame in asking for help.

When it comes to professionals, there's a wealth of knowledge out there to turn to: breastfeeding specialists, sleep consultants, pelvic floor physiotherapists, postpartum doulas, and so on. But asking for help can also mean asking your mom to come over and hold the baby so you can nap. Or asking your friend to bring a pack of diapers. And of course, seeking support for postpartum anxiety or depression is crucial and can make a world of difference.

8. It gets easier, and it gets better.

I've heard people say, "It doesn't get easier, it just gets different," and I'll let you know—that's not true. It does get easier. Sleep improves, breastfeeding (if you're doing so) gets easier, colic goes away, and newborns turn into adorable, smiley, cuddly little babies. If you don't love the newborn stage, you're not alone, and that's okay!

New motherhood can seem like a long, hazy tunnel, but you'll find your way through it, and at the other side, you'll discover yourself again, along with the sweetest little baby in the world.

You might also like:

Who said motherhood doesn't come with a manual?

Subscribe to get inspiration and super helpful ideas to rock your #momlife. Motherhood looks amazing on you.

Already a subscriber? Log in here.

The temperatures are dropping and that can only mean one thing. Whether we like it or not, winter's cold chilly months are upon us. As a born-and-raised Alaskan, and mama of three, I've got a lot of cold weather experience under my belt, and staying inside half the year just isn't an option for us. As my husband likes to say, "There's no bad weather, just bad gear."

Here are some of my favorite picks to keep your family toasty warm this winter.


1. Bear bunting

This sherpa bear bunting wins winter wear MVP for being a comfy snowsuit for your littlest babe, or base-layer under another snowsuit for the chilliest of winter outings. Bonus: your baby bear will never look cuter!

Sherpa Hooded Bunting, Carter's, $15.20

BUY

2. Patagonia Capilene base-layers

Speaking of base-layers, for any prolonged winter activity outside in the cold, it's best to layer up to create air pockets of warmth. These moisture wicking base-layers are a family favorite.

Baby Capilene Bottoms, Back Country, $29.00

BUY

3. Arctix Kids limitless overall bib

These adjustable snow pants keep kids warm and the bib style keeps snow from going down the back of their pants. Bonus: the price is excellent for the quality and they can grow with your child. The Velcro strap also makes bathroom breaks for kids so much easier.

Arctix Kids Limitless Overall Bib, Amazon, $14.99-$49.99

BUY

4. Hooded frost-free long jacket

Keep your little one warm and stylish in this long puffer jacket. Great for everyday outings.

Hooded Frost-Free Long Jacket, Old Navy, $35.00

BUY

5. Patagonia reversible jacket

This jacket is windproof, waterproof and the built-in hood means one less piece of gear to worry about (or one more layer for your little one's head). It's a best buy if you live with cold winter temperatures for many months of the year and still love to get outside to play. It also stays in great condition for hand-me-downs to your next kid.

Reversible Down Sweater Hoodie, Nordstrom, $119.00

BUY

6. Under Armour Decatur water repellent jacket

Made of waterproof fabric and lined with great insulation, kids will no doubt stay warm—and dry—in this. It features plenty of pockets, too, so mama doesn't always have to hold onto their items. We love that the UGrow system allows sleeves to grow a couple inches.

UA Decatur Water Repellent Jacket, Nordstrom, $155.00

BUY

7. Stonz mittens

Ever tried to keep gloves on a 1-year-old? It's a tough task, but these gloves make it a breeze with a wide opening and two adjustable toggles for a snug fit they can't pull off! Warm and waterproof, and come in sizes from infant to big kids.

Stonz Mittz, Amazon, $39.99

BUY

8. Sorel toot pack boot

Keep their little toes warm with these cozy boots from Sorel. With insulated uppers and waterproof bottoms their feet are sure to stay warm. They're well constructed and hold up over time, making them a great hand-me-down option for your family.

Sorel Kids' Yoot Boot, Amazon, $48.73-$175.63

BUY

9. Stonz baby boots

These Stonz stay-on-baby booties do just as their name says and stay on their feet. No more searching for one boot in the grocery store parking lot!

Stonz Three Season Stay-On Baby Booties, Amazon, $29.99-$50.29

BUY
Motherly is your daily #momlife manual; we are here to help you easily find the best, most beautiful products for your life that actually work. We share what we love—and we may receive a commission if you choose to buy. You've got this.

You might also like:

We make a lot of things this time of year. Gingerbread houses. Christmas cards. New traditions. Babies.

Yes, December is peak baby making season. It's a month filled with togetherness and all the love felt in December is what makes September the most statistically popular month for American birthdays.

According to data journalist Matt Stiles, mid-September is the most popular time to give birth in America. He did a deep dive into the birth stats from the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics and the U.S. Social Security Administration collected between 1994 and 2014 and found that the most common American birthdays fall on September 9, 19 and 12. In fact, 9 of the 10 most popular days to give birth fall in September.

If we turn the calendar back, we're looking at Christmas time conceptions. Stiles illustrated his findings via a heat map, which presents the data in a visual form. The darker the square, the more common the birthday.

The square for August 30 is pretty dark as it is the 34th most common birthday in America. It's also 40 weeks after November 23, and the unofficial beginning of the United States' seasonal baby boom.


And while the Christmas holidays are common times to conceive, they're not common days to give birth, for obvious reasons. Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Day and the fourth of July are all represented by light squares on Stiles's data map, meaning they're among the least popular days to welcome a little one into the world (Boxing Day is just a smidge darker, still a pretty rare birthday).

OB-GYNs are not likely to schedule C-sections on major holidays, so that might point to the low birth rates on these special days.

As for the September baby boom, it probably has less to do with the magic of the holiday season and more to do with the fact that many Americans take time off work during the holiday season. It's not that mistletoe is some magic aphrodisiac, but just that making babies takes time, and at this time of year we have some to spare.

This Christmas be thankful for the time you have with your loved ones and your partner. That time could give you a gift come September.

[A version of this article was originally posted November 21, 2018]

You might also like:



When I gave birth the first time, I had two doulas—one for me, and one for my husband. (I wasn't messing around!) They worked hard to support me in what ended up being a long labor. About 20 hours in, I remember hearing my doulas whisper to my exhausted, hard-working husband, “Go lie down. We can take care of her."

This was absolutely true. They were more than capable of helping me through contractions, which up to this point I'd been handling really well. So upon their urging, my husband walked about three feet away and lay down on the daybed in the labor and delivery room. And then the strangest thing happened—

I completely lost my rhythm and my ability to breathe through contractions. It was as though I'd lost my way. The next handful of contractions were unbearable and caused me to cry out in anguish. My husband hurried to my side and held my hand once more.

And then, just as quickly, I found my rhythm, my breathing returned, and I was able to to handle my contractions until I gave birth several hours later.

In a recent study published in Nature, it was discovered that when a partner held the hand of a woman during labor, the couple would begin to synchronize their breathing and heart rate patterns, otherwise known as physiological coupling.

In addition, the women reported that their pain lessened while holding hands with their partners. If they were just sitting next to one another, but not holding hands, their pain levels weren't affected.

This study has obvious implications for the families I teach in my Childbirth Preparation classes, and it's important to share this news far and wide:

Everything you do for your partner while she's in labor makes a difference. Even if all you do is hold her hand.

Labor is not just something that a birthing woman experiences. Her partner experiences labor too, just in a very different way. For far too long, we've either diminished or ignored the partner's experience of labor—to everyone's detriment.

I realize that it makes sense to pay close attention to how a woman moves through her pregnancy, labor and birth. But if we're not paying equal attention to her partner's experience, we're not setting this new family up for success. In fact, we might be doing the exact opposite.

If partners don't realize the importance their words, actions and touch can have on the laboring woman's experience, many may freeze up and feel helpless as they witness the power and intensity of labor and birth. They may end up feeling as though all of their efforts and suggestions for comfort measures are without any effect. But this couldn't be further from the truth!

Every little thing a partner does to make the laboring woman more comfortable matters immensely. Every sip of water offered, every new position suggested, every word of encouragement, every reminder to breathe, every single touch, provides comfort to the laboring woman. And partners need to know this and believe in the power that their undivided attention and connection can bring to the laboring woman.

Here's why I think the findings from this latest study are so important—it's that feeling of shared empathy between the laboring woman and her partner that causes the physiological coupling and pain relieving effects that help a woman when she's experiencing pain.

That's why I've always told the partners in my classes that even if they hired an army of the world's greatest labor doulas, their unwavering, focused and empathetic attention during birth, is the reason why she'll tell everyone that she couldn't have made it through labor without her partner! Even if all they did was hold her hand.

It's a conundrum many parents wrestle with: We don't want to lie to our kids, but when it comes to Santa, sometimes we're not exactly giving them the full truth either.

For Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, lying to daughters Lincoln, 5, and Delta, 3 just isn't an option, so everyone in the Bell-Shepard household knows the truth about Santa.

"This is going to be very controversial," Shepard told Us Weekly earlier this month. "I have a fundamental rule that I will never lie to them, which is challenging at times. Our 5-year-old started asking questions like, 'Well, this doesn't make sense, and that doesn't make sense.' I'm like, 'You know what? This is just a fun thing we pretend while it's Christmas.'"

According to Shepard, this has not diminished the magic of Christmas in their home. "They love watching movies about Santa, they love talking about Santa," Shepard told Us. "They don't think he exists, but they're super happy and everything's fine."

Research indicates that Shepard is right—kids can be totally happy and into Christmas even after figuring out the truth and that most kids do start to untangle the Santa myth on their own, as Lincoln did.

Studies suggest that for many kids, the myth fades around age seven, but for some kids, it's sooner, and that's okay.


Writing for The Conversation, Kristen Dunfield, an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Concordia University, suggests that when kids come to parents with the hard questions about Santa, parents may feel a bit sad, but can take some comfort in "recognizing these challenging questions for what they are—cognitive development in action."

Kids aren't usually the ones who are upset when they figure it out, researchers note. Typically, kids are kind of proud of themselves for being such great detectives. It's the parents who feel sadness.

Some parents may not choose to be as blunt as Shepard, and that's okay, too. According to Dunfield, if you don't want to answer questions about Santa with 100% truth, you can answer a question with a question.

"If instead you want to let your child take the lead, you can simply direct the question back to them, allowing your child to come up with explanations for themselves: "I don't know, how do you think the sleigh flies?" Dunfield writes.

While Dax Shepard acknowledges that telling a 3-year-old that Santa is pretend might be controversial, he's hardly the first parent to present Santa this way. There are plenty of healthy, happy adults whose parents told them the truth.

LeAnne Shepard is one of them. Now a mother herself, LeAnne's parents clued her into the Santa myth early, for religious reasons that were common in her community.

"In the small Texas town where I grew up, I wasn't alone in my disbelief. Many parents, including mine, presented Santa Claus as a game that other families played," she previously wrote. "That approach allowed us to get a picture on Santa's lap, watch the Christmas classics, and enjoy all the holiday festivities so long as we remembered the actual reason for the season. It was much like when I visited Disney World and met Minnie Mouse; I was both over the moon excited and somewhat aware that she was not actually real."

No matter why you want to tell your children the truth about Santa, know that it's okay to let the kids know that he's pretend. Kristen Bell's kids prove that knowing the truth about Santa doesn't have to make Christmas any less exciting. Pretending can be magical, too.

You might also like:


Motherly provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. This site does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by our  Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Information on our advertising guidelines can be found here.