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I’m not a morning person, but woke up at 5:30 a.m. every day for a week—here’s what happened

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I am a night owl through and through. I think I always will be deep down—no matter what. No matter how sleepy I am with having a newborn, no matter how early I have to get up the next day, no matter how much my husband begs politely requests that I go to bed when he goes to bed. I almost can’t fight the allure of the nighttime quiet and always stay up (way) past my bedtime.


But I have been intrigued by the idea of getting up really early in the morning to enjoy the peace and quiet while my brain is fully functioning and not super sleepy (after coffee, of course.)

So I decided to give this whole “waking up early” thing a try. I’d wake up at 5:30 a.m. for seven days in a row to see how it felt. To be honest, I was curious. I wanted to see if I could do it. I wanted to see if it would make a difference in how I felt.

Secret thoughts: Would I be happier? Feel more productive? Would life be easier? Could I stay awake until bedtime? Would I go to bed earlier now?

But first, I needed some advice on how to do it.

So I turned to our resident intentional living coach, Allie Casazza. Allie said one way to do it would be to go cold turkey, “Start waking up at your goal time right off the bat. Day one (and maybe two) will be super difficult and you will be totally exhausted, but that causes you to go to bed earlier after that first morning, which makes waking earlier the next morning easier. It only gets easier from there!”

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There was only one way I was ever going to really find out. I had to give it a go myself.

Here’s how it all went down.

Day one—

I opened my eyes at 5:30 a.m. and didn’t get out of bed until 6:00 a.m. I scrolled Instagram and Facebook for a half hour before I could force myself to go make some coffee.

I was feeling really tired.

I was up with a sick baby the night before who didn’t want to sleep. At all. I was exhausted alllll day (Allie was correct on that, that’s for sure.) I was really cranky and didn’t have much for patience levels—I snapped and yelled and felt guilty. I literally cried after my three-year-old had a tantrum at a very busy park we went to.

My two kiddos took very short naps and I got the dreaded “I’m so sorry, but I have to take the late train home” text from my husband. How was I going to survive the dinner, bath time, bed time routine by myself? More coffee.

So there I was at 5:30 p.m. sipping a nice hot cup of joe listening to my daughters scream “for fun” during their bath while I edited essays sitting on a very small stool in the bathroom.

Day one wasn’t off to a great start, necessarily, but I was determined...

Day two—

I snoozed for 14 minutes. ?

My husband brought me a coffee in bed before he left for work and I was awake and sipping by 5:45 a.m.

The main point of wanting to wake up early is to get work done before my kids wake up. I’m a work-from-home/stay-at-home mom hybrid and this time is crucial for me. But I still felt like maybe I should take a shower, or fold some laundry with this precious time.

I decide to stick to work. Secret thoughts: Must. Stay. Focused. Colleen.

I went to bed at 11:15 p.m. last night which was totally unnecessary. I was exhausted, and still went to bed late. Maybe my next article will be trying to force myself to go to bed at a responsible hour (because I seriously have a problem.)

Today was better. Still a little tired, but the girls were listening better, I got a babysitter break in the afternoon to work, had lots of coffee and a much better attitude.

I still went to bed around 11:15 p.m. again though. I will never learn. ?

Day three—

I got up on time again today. I was feeling pretty proud of myself (not gonna lie). My husband brought me coffee again which was a lifesaver.

My daughter Lucy woke up at about 6:45 a.m. today which is early for my kids, so she kind of put a wrench in my “get lots of concentrated work done” plan. But we made do! I let her watch a little bit of Daniel Tiger while I finished up. Then we got the day started. And somehow I got everyone dressed and fed and out the door on time to my doctor’s appointment. ?

After my appointment, our babysitter came over by 11 a.m. and stayed until 3 p.m. I am not going to lie—today by about 12:15 p.m. I felt like I had been hit by a bus.

Secret thoughts: Why did I sign up for this at 35 weeks pregnant? Should I stop this assignment and quit my job? Can I stab myself with a needle and somehow do a DIY coffee drip into my arm? (Side note: is there a tutorial on Pinterest for that? Is that safe while pregnant?)

I decided instead of quitting or harming myself, I’d take a 40 minute nap because, as they say, I “couldn’t even.”

So I paid a person to watch my children so I could sleep.

Secret thoughts: So, this is what winning feels like?

The rest of the day went fairly smooth and there I was, going to bed at 11:15 p.m. again.

Day four—

Our fire alarm went off (and wouldn't stop) at 4:30 a.m. Surprisingly it didn’t wake either of our kids up. ? And everything was okay, thankfully! BUT it did wake my husband and I up. And since I was jolted awake by it, I was wide awake (and probably should have stayed awake) and it then took me a little while to fall back to sleep. Once I fell back to sleep, it was basically time to wake up again.

So….I snoozed. Ugh!

I woke up at 5:55 a.m. this morning.

I was tired and out of it. Coffee helped a little, but then both kids were up at 6:30 a.m. which is very early for them. They watched a bit of TV in the morning while they ate their breakfast and I finished some work. We needed to get out of the house so we hung out at the farm with friends for a while.

The girls fell asleep in the car on the way home so I pulled into the driveway and did some work in the cool AC of the car while the girls rested.

Later in the afternoon, by about 3:30 p.m. I was beyond tired. I have a bit of a summer cold so I’m thinking this, plus early mornings, plus being 35 weeks pregnant makes for a very tired combo.

Secret thoughts: Do early risers wake up super early even when they aren’t feeling top notch?

I was laying on the couch while the girls played and then when I realized I was basically nodding off, I decided it was time to get up and wake up so I made a cup of coffee at about 4:00 p.m. I don’t want to do that anymore! But, alas…I needed to stay up until my husband got home.

Secret thoughts: I NEED to go to bed by 10 the latest tonight. Then maybe I’ll have some more energy tomorrow morning?

Day five—

No coffee today from the husband. He was rushing to catch his train. So, I had to lug myself out of bed and get it myself. That was harder, BUT, it also did help me wake up a bit more. ?

I was up and at ‘em by 5:45 a.m. today.

I went to bed by 10:45 p.m. last night which is a huge improvement for me. I only had one coffee throughout the day which is surprising. I didn’t feel like I needed more. I guess there is something to going to bed early (go figure!).

Day six—

I actually did wake up at 5 a.m. on my own.

Secret thoughts: Do early risers actually do this on the weekend, too?

...And then I fell back to sleep and woke up at 7:30 a.m. Sorry, peeps, it’s the weekend and I ain’t got time for waking up before the sun.

Day seven—

My in-laws stayed over because my husband and I went to a concert on Saturday night, so I am going to be honest with you because I cherish honesty—I slept in until about 9:00 a.m. It was glorious and since I don’t get too many mornings like this, I let myself enjoy it. (Granparents, FTW! ?)

It’s all about balance, right?

So what did I learn during this experiment?

1. Enlist your partner as your early bird buddy.

It definitely helped me that my husband woke up around the same time, so that I wasn’t alone in this. (Plus, the bringing me coffee thing was very sweet of him.)

2. Choose a morning ritual.

Coffee—to me—is delicious, it helps wake me up a bit and it’s comforting. Decide on a “ritual” that works for you that you can look forward to enjoying once you wake up. It doesn’t necessarily have to be coffee—it could be tea, or hot water with lemon, or something totally different like five minutes of prayer or meditation or stretching.

3. Let yourself ease into the morning.

Looking at something on my phone—the news or social media—for about 15 minutes before I get cracking on work, does help me wake up. (I don’t know that this is sound advice, but it did help me.)

4. Go to bed early.

Going to bed at a reasonable time (my goal is between 10:00 p.m.-10:30 p.m.) is really worthwhile when you’re waking up before the sun. When you go to bed late, and still wake up early, it’s tough to keep your energy levels up throughout the day (even with coffee!).

5. Sit at a designated work space.

It definitely helps to work at a desk vs sitting up in my bed to work. I have a small work space in my room, so moving over to that area helps me feel more focused.

6. Make a list the night before.

The night before, I would think through my most important items I wanted to tackle the next day and jot them down quick (on an actual note pad or on the notes app in my phone) so I wouldn’t forget. Then I knew what I wanted to start with first when I woke up without having to think much about it.

7. Set realistic expectations.

Getting up super early, when your husband does too (to leave for work outside of the house), to do work while your children are quietly sleeping—can only work out so perfectly so many times. You’re kiddo is going to wake up early on random days, they’re not going to feel well, you’re not going to feel well, etc. Things happen in life, and we have to roll with it. So, setting the expectations of “this is not going to be perfect every single day” was very helpful.

8. Be proud of yourself!

I was really proud of myself for giving this a go. And look at me—here I am writing this article at 6:00 a.m. while my kids are sleeping, two weeks after my experiment. I have woken up early most days since and it actually has been life-changing in a way. I’m used to it now, so it makes it easier to just get up and get to it. And while not every morning is perfect (because...kids) it feels SO nice to have checked a few things off my to-do list before my girls even wake up.

Now, to work on the going to bed earlier part...

Who said motherhood doesn't come with a manual?

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Student loan debt is a major problem for many mamas and their families―but it doesn't have to be. Refinancing companies like Laurel Road help families every year by offering better rates, making payments more manageable or helping them shorten their loan term.

If you're ready to start taking control of your student loan debt, here are five steps that could help you conquer your student loan debt and get a loan that works for you.

1. Understand your refinancing options.

Like motherhood, managing student loan debt is a journey made much easier by experience. If your eyes start to cross when you hear variable and fixed rates or annual percentage rate, start your process with a little education. Laurel Road offers a user-friendly resource hub with student loan refinancing guides and articles that can help explain your options and get you started on a more informed foot.

2. Potentially improve your credit score.

Your credit score is important because it provides an objective measure of your credit risk to lenders. It also has an impact on many aspects of your finances, so it's a good idea to understand and track your score regularly. To try and improve your score, pay your bills on time—your payment history is one of the most important factors in determining your credit score. Having a long history of on-time payments is best, while missing a payment may hurt your score. Another action to improve your credit score would be to keep the amount you owe low—keeping your balances low on credit cards and other types of revolving debt, such as a home equity lines of credit, may help boost your score. Remember, good credit scores don't just happen overnight, but taking positive financial steps now can lead to more positive outcomes in the future.

3. Get a better understanding of your current loan benefits.

Different loan types have different benefits and you want to make sure you don't lose any valuable benefits by refinancing your current loan. Before you're ready to apply for a better option, you need to know what you have. Determine your loan terms (how long you have to pay off your loan and how much you're required to pay each month) and find out your current interest rate.

When you took out your original loan, especially if it was a federal loan, everyone who applies is given the same rate regardless of their personal credit. When you look to refinance, companies like Laurel Road look at your credit score and other attributes to give you a personalized pricing option―one that's often more competitive than your original terms. However, it is important to know that federal loans offer several benefits and protections, including income based repayment and forgiveness options, that you may lose when refinancing with private lenders (learn more at https://studentloans.gov). Try Laurel Road's Student Loan Calculator to get a bigger picture perspective of what it will take to pay off your loan and the options available to you.

4. Pick the terms that fit your lifestyle.

Your long-term financial goals will determine what refinancing terms are right for you. For example, a 3- or 5-year loan means faster payoff times, but it will mean a higher monthly payment―which might not be possible if you're planning to purchase a home or looking to move your toddler to a more expensive school. A loan with a longer term will have lower payments, but more interest over the duration of the loan.

Want to see what your options are? Check your rates on Laurel Road. They'll perform a "soft credit pull" using some basic information (meaning initially checking your rates won't affect your credit score ) so you can make an informed decision. If you do proceed with the application Laurel Road will ask for your consent on a hard credit pull.

5. Don't miss out on discounts.

With a little research, many people can find opportunities for lower rates or discounts when refinancing their loans. For example, if your credit isn't the best, look into the possibility of adding a cosigner who may help boost your rate. There are also many associations and employers who offer student loan benefits. Laurel Road partners with a number of groups and employers who offer discounts on rates―so check with your professional associations or HR to see if any options are available to you. Finally, talk to your financial institution, especially if you're planning to take out another major loan like a mortgage. In some cases, having another product with an institution can get you a preferred customer rate.

This article is sponsored by Laurel Road. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

Our Partners

The bond between sisters is special, but Jill Noe and Whitney Bliesner have a unique bond that goes beyond just being siblings. As twins, Jill and Whitney shared a lot throughout their lives, and when Jill became Whitney's surrogate they even shared a pregnancy.

As first reported by Today, Whitney has a rare disease called NF2 (Neurofibromatosis type 2). Because of NF2 she lost the vision in her left eye and hearing in her right ear, along with partial hearing loss in her left ear. The condition makes pregnancy risky, and the disease is hereditary. Whitney and her husband, Pete, wanted to start a family, but adoption and surrogacy fees seemed to be putting parenthood out of their reach. Until Jill stepped in as their surrogate.

"When Jill said she wanted to carry a baby for me, I was in shock," Whitney told Today. "I'm not a crier, but I was really emotional."

Through IVF she carried donor eggs fertilized with Pete's sperm to make her twin sister's family, and on June 7 Jill delivered Whitney and Pete's son and daughter, little Rhett and Rhenley.

"She's always wanted to be a mom and her disease has already taken so much from her. I wasn't going to allow (NF2) to take this opportunity from her, too," Jill told Today. "She's my best friend and I know she would have done the same for me. I really didn't put much thought into becoming a surrogate at all. It just felt like the right thing to do. Our family is so strong and so supportive of one another, especially since Whit's diagnosis in 8th grade."

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Whitney is now living her dream, taking care of two adorable babies.

Jill is an amazing sister, and Whitney is already an amazing mom.

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News

Do you feel guilty when you don't want to play with your kid? I do.

Do you give in and play with them anyway, all the while checking your phone and wondering exactly how long you have to pretend to be a dinosaur? Or do you say "no" to play time and endure the inevitable whining, coupled with mom-guilt that ensues?

Neither of these options is particularly tempting.

So what's a mom, with a fully developed intellect and adult interests and subsequent lack of interest in playing with toys for 10 to 12 hours a day, to do?

Here are six phrases to try next time your kid wants to play and you need a break.

1. "I will be cleaning the kitchen. You're welcome to join me."

This is my personal favorite and one I use daily. The next time you need to get something done and your child is clinging to you, offer an invitation instead of a dismissal.

Try asking your child to join you instead of saying, "go play." The beauty of this phrase is that it gives your child a choice—they can either be with you and help with what you are doing, or they can go play independently.

Often my toddler will join me for a while and then drift off to play on his own.

2. "I'm not available to play dinosaurs right now. Would you like to read with me?"

While sometimes we simply need to get something done, other times we just honestly do not want to play whatever our child is asking us to. And that is okay.

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There are only so many hours in the day that you can reasonably be expected to play dinosaurs or princesses. If you are available to spend time with your child, but find yourself cringing at the idea of one more game of superheroes, offer an alternate activity.

It's important for children to get the chance to choose the activity sometimes, but it doesn't have to be all of the time. Offer one or two activities that you would genuinely enjoy doing with your child and give them the choice of whether to join you.

3. "I'm going to read for 20 minutes and then I will be able to play Legos with you."

Let your child see your interests too. You don't have to cram your own life and hobbies into nap time and after bed. It's okay, and even valuable, to let them see that you are a whole person with your interests.

Tell them that you want to read or garden or workout for 20 minutes. Invite them to sit nearby, or to play on their own. It helps to start with a very manageable amount of time, like 15 or 20 minutes, and stretch it as your child's ability to play on their own grows.

Your child may sit and whine for the entire 20 minutes. While this can be annoying, it is best not to respond in anger. Try to acknowledge their feelings, but don't give in to their demands. You might say, "I see that you're having a hard time waiting for my attention. Reading is important to me. I'm going to read for 15 more minutes, and then I would love to play with you."

If you do this consistently, your child will get used to the idea that you have needs and interests too.

4. "I don't want to play right now, but I would love to sit and watch you."

Be honest with your child. It's okay if you want to be with them, but don't feel like actively playing. This can be an excellent way to observe how your child plays when left to their own devices. It is also a way for them to share their favorite games with you, without you feeling forced to play something you don't enjoy. Children can tell when we're not having fun, even if we try to fake it.

5. "I would love to play for a few minutes. Then I will need to fold the laundry."

Sometimes children need help getting started. It often works well to play with them for 10 or 15 minutes and then back away to do something else nearby. This allows your child to play independently while also saving your sanity.

6. "Sure, I'll play! You choose the game today, and I'll choose tomorrow."

While we naturally do not share all of our young children's interests, it is important for children to get to choose what we do together some of the time. Create a system where your child chooses sometimes, and you choose other times. Once your child is confident that they will get to decide what you play together sometimes, they will likely let go of the need to always demand that you play certain games.

Bottom line:

The beauty of learning to say "no" to your child's requests to play is that you will enjoy the time you do spend playing together. No one has fun when they feel like they're being forced to do something, even if it's by a 4-year-old.

And the thing is, they can tell. Children know when we want to be there and when we're just phoning it in—we're not fooling anyone.

When I force myself to play, I imagine my toddler feels sort of how I feel when I drag my husband to the farmers market. Yes, we're doing what I wanted to do, but I can tell he's not into it and that kind of takes all the fun out of the experience.

Once you feel the freedom to decide whether or not you want to play, you can choose the times when you do feel like being silly, playing pretend or merely dropping everything to build the tallest tower ever in the whole full world.

And your child? They will know the difference. Their little heart will be so full of playing with you when you want to be there. That's what will stick with them, not all of the times you said no.

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Learn + Play

Sleep is one of the most talked about and debated topics out there for parents. It is almost as if how good our babies sleep is some sort of weird competition between exhausted parents.

We think that if our baby is sleeping well or "through the night" then we must be winning in the parenting department, yet if they are waking up more often then we feel ashamed and somehow open ourselves up to opinions from our friends, parents, neighbors and the lady at the grocery store with ways to help them sleep better. It is frustrating and disheartening at times.

The competition creates a divide between us instead of allowing us to support each other through this rollercoaster ride of parenting. "Hey mama, sounds like your baby needs some extra cuddles through the night, so how about I come and bring you coffee in the morning?" is what we need to be saying versus the sad puppy eyes look while saying, "Aww, that is too bad, have you ever thought of sleep training?"

"How do they sleep?" seems to be the perfect ice breaker question when meeting a new parent. As a mom of three, I've been asked this question a lot. As a sleep consultant, I've been asked this question even more!

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My response is always the same, "My baby sleeps like a baby." I have come to realize over the last five years of working as a sleep consultant that it has less to do with how our baby actually sleeps and more to do with our expectations on sleep. There could be two babies that sleep exactly the same and one family claims their baby is a "bad" sleeper while the other states that their baby is a "good" sleeper.

This has changed how I have parented because I now know that it is more about how I feel versus reaching a goal of perfect sleep. What does "perfect sleep" even mean? Is there an actual definition? No. It is all about reaching your own individual goals no matter what they might be.

My youngest baby is 18 months old now and I would say that she is a pretty good sleeper. I would say this both from a parenting perspective and from a sleep consultant perspective but I want to share with you how we achieved this outcome through breaking all of the sleep "rules."

We co-slept at the beginning. I say at the beginning because it ended up not working well for us but not because I didn't want it to or because I thought it was bad. The first few months were wonderful and it helped me establish a positive breastfeeding experience and helped us all get more sleep at the time. I followed her cues and still to this day she isn't much for cuddling and so maybe it was just her personality that made her do better beside me in her own bassinet.

I often nursed her to sleep. With my first two babies, I was always so nervous about starting any "bad" habits until I finally understood that there is no one way to put your baby to sleep that is right or wrong. Everything works differently for different babies. I could nurse her to sleep and we, as a family, felt that there was no disruption in our sleep that was out of the ordinary. As she got older, we found different ways to help her fall asleep so that dad could be involved too.

I fed my baby when she woke at night. When she would wake up throughout the night I never thought of her as being spoiled, trying to manipulate me or that she was a bad sleeper. I simply thought that she was hungry. When she woke up at night, I went in and fed her and then we both went back to sleep happy.

I didn't try any type of "cry it out." In fact, I never could handle much crying right from the start. If she was crying then I would be crying so we found different ways to work on new sleep cues. My favorite way was having dad go in and rock her. This helped us eventually move away from the nursing to sleep so that we could gently work on consolidating some night sleep so I could have a little freedom (I was needing it after baby #3!).

My favorite thing to tell families is "sleep is only a problem if it is a problem." What I mean by this is that you are the only one who can determine if what you are doing is working for your family or not.

We all have parental instincts for a reason and need to trust them. If you feel rested, happy and overall like everything is going just fine, then it is. Even if this means you are breaking every sleep "rule" in the book. It took me some time to practice what I preach and when I did it felt like such a relief.

Finally, I could just do what felt right and in the end, everything worked out just fine. My baby sleeps well. Does she wake up sometimes at night? Yes, because she is human. Not every night is perfect but it is balanced which is exactly what it should be.

All of you mamas and papas out there with little babies who feel like this exhausting period of time is never going to pass. It will, and you will long for it back. Soak in the moments and do what feels best. You've got this.

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Life

Advertisements are meant to sell us things, but they also sell us ideas. When we were growing up in the 1990s the commercials on TV weren't just selling us toys and junk food, they sold us stereotypes, too. Boys and men were depicted as more aggressive, professional and important than girls, while girls and women were often depicted as caregivers or simply sexual objects.

Back then, we were just kids who couldn't always think critically about the messages we were taking in, but now we millennials are the parents, the providers and the purchasers. And we are letting advertisers know that if they want us to buy things, they have to serve up ideas that we can buy into.

A survey by market research company Kantar found 76% of women and 71% of men believe the way they are portrayed in advertising is completely out of touch. We're grown-ups now and this isn't just about stereotypes in children's advertising (many parents are very conscious about reducing screen time and advertising exposure), but also reflections of our own realities.

Today's dads don't see themselves as bumbling caregivers but as competent parents, and mothers see themselves as complex people with a ton of purchasing power who are deserving of speaking parts, authority and respect, even in a 30-second commercial.

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It's 2019. Moms are buying everything, dads are buying diapers and we're raising our kids to reject stereotypes and accept themselves. Corporations that want to sell to millennial families have got to buy in to that, and the good news is, many are.

Building brands by tearing down stereotypes

This month the CEO of Unilever, Alan Jope, took the stage at the world's largest conference on gender equality, Women Deliver, and committed 100% of the ad spend for Unilever's Dove Men+Care line to media representations of dads in caring roles, or what Molly Kennedy, Brand Manager for Dove Men+Care, called "positive dadvertising."

Dove Men+Care's commitment to positive representation of men as caregivers comes as the company is strengthening its parental leave policies and encouraging dads (both those who work for Unilever and those who don't) to actually take any parental leave that is available to them.

The idea is that dads may be more likely to take leave if they see positive role modeling in media, which will help moms, too, because research suggests that taking paternity leave results in fathers doing more unpaid care work as their kids grow. And dads are certainly seeing more caring reflections of fatherhood in advertising, and not just from Dove Men+Care.

Changing diapers and the narrative 

Budweiser just launched an ad showing step-fathers surprising their children with adoption papers, and brands like Gillette and Pampers (owned by Unilever competitor Procter & Gamble) have received a lot of attention for the way their ads are questioning traditional ideas about masculinity and fatherhood. Gillette's stand against toxic masculinity was a viral sensation and Pampers' spokesdad John Legend is now part of a corporate campaign to get change tables into more mens' restrooms.

Donte Palmer—the father whose grassroots viral campaign, #squatforchange inspired Pampers' campaign—says he's pleased to see all this positive dadvertising, telling Motherly, "it means a lot, it's just changing the narrative."

He continues: "To have fathers like John Legend, who has a powerful name in his industry and a huge following, showing the world that we as fathers are the caretakers for our babies means a lot. It shows the 'average Joe' father that he can go to his 9 to 5 job and still come home and take care of his children."

Dr. Michael Kehler, a professor of Masculinities Studies at the University of Calgary says he applauds these companies like Gillette, Pampers and Dove Men+Care for challenging gender roles in their advertising, as "the long-held views of masculinity that have kept men out of caring roles has been intentional and maintained by advertising agencies."

He hopes big brands will consult with masculinities scholars for deeper insight and direction as they craft a new narrative in the media.

"More diverse portrayals, richer and complicated images of masculinity can't help but dislodge privileged white masculinity from its perch," he tells Motherly. "The disruption of these images and the re-writing of a narrative of complex masculinities, less linear, less simplistic, less predictable can similarly be a powerful invitation to rethink masculinities in the future."

According to Kehler, it is incumbent on companies to show a whole spectrum of ways of being a man, but "whether or not the portrayal of adverts reflecting men in caring roles has the desired effect of men taking up unpaid work is yet to be seen."

Walking the walk

What we have seen over the course of the last 15 years is that when big brands make big changes there can be lasting culture change.

Under dim lights in a fifth and sixth-grade classroom, 22 boys and girls are watching a short video that shows all the-behind-scenes magic that goes into making an Instagrammable selfie. When the video ends the facilitator invites questions. A student raises his hand and asks, "Does everyone really do this?"

This incredulous tween and classmates are learning about self-esteem and body confidence in their school in Vancouver, Canada, but similar presentations have taken place in more than 140 countries, because the Dove Self-Esteem Project is now the largest provider of self-esteem and body confidence education in the world.

Dove's been doing this work since before the kids in that Vancouver classroom were even born, since its Campaign for Real Beauty launched in the early 2000s and became a controversial turning point in the way women's bodies are presented in advertising. That campaign is often credited with creating a blueprint for modern advertising that includes more authentic and diverse body types and has brought us to a place where we're seeing real stretch marks and postpartum bellies on underwear models.

"Dove definitely changed the conversation," says Andrea Benoit, Adjunct Assistant Professor of Media Studies in the Faculty of Information and Media Studies at the University of Western Ontario and author of a new book on corporate philanthropy.

"There is no question that Dove opened up a space for other brands to start dipping their toes in that conversation without feeling like they were treading in uncertain or dangerous territory. Now it seems like if you're a brand you can't not be inclusive and accepting of diverse bodies," Benoit tells Motherly.

According to Benoit, the continued existence and expansion of the Dove Self-Esteem Project shows that brands can use their resources for good, but she is uncomfortable with how society and governments have downloaded this kind of social responsibility onto brands like Dove to the point that corporations are providing classroom resources and presentations in schools and through non-profit organizations.

It probably shouldn't be up to a soap company to teach self-esteem, but, at least someone is doing it. Just this month UNICEF announced a 3-year partnership with the Dove Self-Esteem Project aimed at helping girls between 10 and 18 in Brazil, India and Indonesia.

"This is a partnership that we really think can help change how girls view themselves and how the world views girls," UNICEF's Executive Director Henrietta Fore said at the Women Deliver conference. While UNICEF explicitly states that it doesn't endorse any brand, the deal with Dove does suggest UNICEF views the company as a worthy philanthropic partner.

Changing the way we see ourselves

When we were kids the commercials playing on Saturday morning taught us that gender roles are confining, that boys are loud and girls are quiet. But now, you might turn on TV and see a dad changing a diaper, or flip to Cartoon Network and catch spots Dove produced with the popular kids' show Steven Universe, which reinforce body confidence, gender equality and self-esteem rather than stereotypes.

Brands have a lot of power these days (some would argue too much power) to shape how we see ourselves, but we have more power than ever to make informed choices about the brands we support and the power to hold companies to account for their actions. According to Benoit, it's not clear what came first: Inclusive advertising or this generation's desire for it. But what is clear is that it is here to stay and that consumers now demand it. We expect companies to not only make good ads but do good in the world, too.

We are demanding to be seen in a way we couldn't as kids. We're no longer passive children absorbing messages from the television, we are participants in an exchange—both a financial transaction and a conversation about the future of society. Having a good product isn't enough anymore. Brands have got to have a message and a purpose worth buying.


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