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This is my secret weapon for dealing with mom rage

Sometimes we scream because we don't feel heard. Sometimes we scream because the stress inside feels like it has to come out. Sometimes we scream because the physical demands of motherhood are so heavy that we have to moan and find a way to give voice to the struggle.

How to deal with mom rage
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Mama,

I'm going to tell you something. If you don't already know this, it might come as a shock.

There will be times in parenting your sweet child when you will want to scream.

When the demands in front of you or the hardships you're facing or the exhaustion that's unrelenting becomes so overwhelming that the only response that feels appropriate is to yell and scream and otherwise freak out.

This feeling? It will happen. I was warned as a first time pregnant mama that it would happen, and though at the time I kind of laughed it off—it happened, and sooner than I ever through possible.

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But mama? Here's my little secret for you.


When you want to scream, breathe.

You're not a bad mama for wanting to scream.

You're a person experiencing a very intense time—often without any support.

Mama, sometimes we scream because we don't feel heard.

Sometimes we scream because the stress inside feels like it has to come out.

Sometimes we scream because the physical demands of motherhood are so heavy that we have to moan and find a way to give voice to the struggle.

And while occasionally screaming into my pillow might feel right, screaming at another person never does—not in the short or long term.

So when the pain of childbirth becomes so strong that you want to scream: breathe. Studies show that controlling the breath and remaining calm can actual reduce pain during birth. Breathe.

When the exhaustion of new motherhood is so intense and you have been up with baby all night and you're completely out of ideas for how to get baby to sleep: breathe. Put your little one in a safe place and just lay down and take deep breaths. Breathe.

When the messiness of motherhood—the laundry, the constant picking up, the spilled drinks and upside down sippy cups and strewn toys and crumb-filled car gets you so frustrated that feel like you can't take it anymore—breathe. You're doing your best in a messy season of life. Try laughing at it. Laughter truly helps. Breathe.

When the demands of balancing work and to-do lists and grocery shopping and scheduling and your kid threw up at school on the same day your prescription ran out and your partner has to stay late at work and nothing is working out the way you planned—breathe. You are one person and all you can do is be present to the next person or task in front of you. You are doing the best that you can today. Breathe.

When you're so worried about how to pay the bills that your mind won't let you go to sleep—breathe. You are alive. You are safe. You will figure it out with a rational plan that will guide you to the next right step. Breathe.

When a family member makes a critical remark about something you've done as a parent even though you know you're doing the best you know—breathe. These remarks often say so much more about the person then they say about you. Try to pause before responding and know they often come from a place of personal pain, or from an attempt to share some well-intentioned advice. When they mean well but you wish they didn't say it at all, slow down. Breathe.

When your kids are fighting and yelling at each other and you just want them to stop for one blessed minute and you feel like screaming—breathe. Because you've learned that shouting "STOP SCREAMING!" at your kids only teaches them to shout, and models the exact behavior you want to them avoid. Try redirecting them in a calm, firm voice. Or inviting them to a new activity in an upbeat, fun voice. But first: breathe.

Breathing can help alter the PH of your blood, immediately, and lowers stress hormones like Cortisol.

Breathing can help mitigate the fear-tension-pain cycle in childbirth.

Breathing can give you time to choose a better, more rational response.

Breathing can remind you of what is real: you are here now. You are showing up. You're doing the best you can.

Deep breaths mama. You've got this.

[This was originally published November, 2018. It has since been updated.]

In This Article

    These challenges from Nike PLAYlist are exactly what my child needs to stay active

    Plus a fall family bucket list to keep everyone moving all season long.

    While it's hard to name anything that the pandemic hasn't affected, one thing that is constantly on my mind is how to keep my family active despite spending more time indoors. Normally, this time of year would be spent at dance and gymnastics lessons, meeting up with friends for games and field trips, and long afternoon playdates where we can all let off a little steam. Instead, we find ourselves inside more often than ever before—and facing down a long winter of a lot more of the same.

    I started to search for an outlet that would get my girls moving safely while we social distance, but at first I didn't find a lot of solutions. Online videos either weren't terribly engaging for my active kids, or the messaging wasn't as positive around the power of movement as I would like. Then I found the Nike PLAYlist.

    I always knew that Nike could get me moving, but I was so impressed to discover this simple resource for parents. PLAYlist is an episodic sports show on YouTube that's made for kids and designed to teach them the power of expressing themselves through movement. The enthusiastic kid hosts immediately captured my daughter's attention, and I love how the physical activity is organically incorporated in fun activities without ever being specifically called out as anything other than play. For example, this segment where the kids turn yoga into a game of Paper Scissors Rock? Totally genius. The challenges from #TheReplays even get my husband and me moving more when our daughter turns it into a friendly family competition. (Plus, I love the play-inspired sportswear made just for kids!)

    My daughter loves the simple Shake Ups at the beginning of the episode and is usually hopping off the couch to jump, dance and play within seconds. One of her favorites is this Sock Flinger Shake Up activity from the Nike PLAYlist that's easy for me to get in on too. Even after we've put away the tablet, the show inspires her to create her own challenges throughout the day.

    The best part? The episodes are all under 5 minutes, so they're easy to sprinkle throughout the day whenever we need to work out some wiggles (without adding a lot of screen time to our schedule).

    Whether you're looking for simple alternatives to P.E. and sports or simply need fun ways to help your child burn off energy after a day of socially distanced school, Nike's PLAYlist is a fun, kid-friendly way to get everyone moving.

    Need more movement inspiration for fall? Here are 5 ways my family is getting up and getting active this season:

    1. Go apple picking.

    Truly, it doesn't really feel like fall until we've picked our first apple. (Or had our first bite of apple cider donut!) Need to burn off that extra cinnamon-sugar energy? Declare a quick relay race up the orchard aisle—winner gets first to pick of apples at home.

    To wear: These Printed Training Tights are perfect for when even a casual walk turns into a race (and they help my daughter scurry up a branch for the big apples).

    2. Visit a pumpkin patch.

    We love to pick up a few locally grown pumpkins to decorate or cook with each year. Challenge your child to a "strongman" contest and see who can lift the heaviest pumpkin while you're there.

    To wear: Suit up your little one in comfort with this Baby Full Zip Coverall so you're ready for whatever adventures the day brings.

    3. Have a nature scavenger hunt.

    Scavenger hunts are one of my favorite ways to keep my daughter preoccupied all year long. We love to get outside and search for acorns, leaves and pinecones as part of our homeschool, but it's also just a great way to get her exercising those gross motor skills whenever the wiggles start to build up.

    To wear: It's not truly fall until you break out a hoodie. This cozy Therma Elite Kids Hoodie features a mesh overlay to release heat while your child plays.

    4. Have a touch-football game.

    Tip for parents with very little kids: It doesn't have to last as long as a real football game. 😂 In fact, staging our own mini-games is one of our favorite ways to get everyone up and moving in between quarters during Sunday football, and I promise we all sleep better that night.

    To wear: From impromptu games of tag to running through our favorite trails, these kids' Nike Air Zoom Speed running shoes are made to cover ground all season long.

    5. Create an indoor obstacle course.

    Pretending the floor is lava was just the beginning. See how elaborate your personal course can get, from jumping on the couch to rolling under the coffee table to hopping down the hallway on one foot.

    To wear: These ready-for-any-activity Dri-FIT Tempo Shorts are perfect for crawling, hopping and racing—and cuddling up when it's time to rest.

    This article was sponsored by Nike. Thank you for supporting the brands that supporting Motherly and mamas.

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    Created by renowned pediatrician, baby sleep expert and (as some might say) lifesaver Dr. Harvey Karp, Happiest Baby has been helping new parents understand and nurture their infants for close to two decades. Building on the success of his celebrated books and video The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block he's developed groundbreaking, science-based product solutions that conquer a new parent's top stressor—exhaustion.

    WSEL Bags: Dad-designed diaper bags that think of everything

    WSEL stands for work smart, enjoy life—an ethos we couldn't agree with more. Founded by a stay at home dad who struggled to find a diaper bag that he not only wanted to use, but one that would last far beyond the baby years, these premium, adventure-ready backpacks are ideal for everything from errands to week-long getaways.

    Codex Beauty: Exceptionally effective sustainable skin care

    Codex Beauty's line of sustainable plant-based skin care blends the science of plant biology with biotech innovations, to create clinically proven, state-of-the-art products for all skin types. They're all vegan, EWG and Leaping Bunny verified and created in collaboration with Herbal Scientist Tracy Ryan who uses concepts dating back to the 8th century leveraging plants like sea buckthorn and calendula flower. Not only are we totally crushing on the innovative formulas that are in the packaging but we're in love with the sustainable sugarcane-derived tubes as well.

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