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No, I didn’t fall in love with my son the first moment I met him

I picked him up and moved to the couch to comfort him. And there, that moment, that is when it hit me.

No, I didn’t fall in love with my son the first moment I met him

I was in complete awe of him, I was amazed that I had created and grown such an amazing creature, but I didn't fall in love with him. Not that first moment our eyes met.


Maybe it was because I had a C-section and I was vomiting my guts out due to the anesthesia and a stomach full of steak risotto. Maybe it's because the birth was so sudden and surreal. Or maybe? Maybe that's not just how it happens for some.

Maybe, like our milk, it takes a little while to come in. The first few days, weeks, months after a child is born are full of so many changes that maybe it just takes a while for your heart, body and brain to all catch up to one another.

I always was told, and always imagined, that the love for your child came immediately and so those first few days, I was worried something was wrong. I wasn't feeling depressed, I was so very happy. But I wasn't in love.

Not when we met, not when we brought him home, not the first time I successfully nursed him. I remember thinking, "Is this what it's like? Because this is the same feeling I have for my dog. And wouldn't that be weird? If I loved my dog the same way I loved my own flesh and blood? Is this it?" It was like I was promised a Maserati and instead got a Mustang. It was still good, but not as magical and extravagant as I was told it would be.

Thankfully, I did fall in love, so very desperately in love.

It hit me with such a sudden ferocity that I was left gasping for air. Like a wave that lands you flat on your back with no recollection of how you got there, this is how I fell in love with my baby.

We brought Will home on the first of the year, 2015. That first night, well, it wasn't as easy as the nurses made it seem in the hospital. That next day, my husband and I were tired. Honestly, we felt a bit like we were in the Twilight Zone.

My parents came up to visit for the day and after dinner, they were about to head home until I asked them, no, BEGGED them to stay the night. I wasn't ready for another night like the one before. Just like my son needed my husband and I, I needed my mom and dad. Just knowing they were in the same house as me gave me so much peace and confidence in my abilities as a new mom.

Will was sleeping in his Rock n' Play and once he woke, I picked him up and moved to the couch to comfort him. And there, that moment, that is when it hit me.

The tears came out of nowhere. These sobbing, snot producing tears just came bursting out of my eyes and I completely lost control. I had no idea what was happening but I knew one thing—my life had just changed forever.

As I held my son next to my chest, feeling his little lungs move in such perfect rhythm, hearing his little baby grunts and groans, and smelling his sweet baby head, my heart exploded.

The love I suddenly felt was so intense, so overwhelming, that I could have fought off an entire army with its strength. It was like nothing I had ever experienced and that's when I knew it was true. There is nothing like the love a mother has for her child. I knew in that moment, I would move mountains for him, I would never put myself first in the same way again. He was it. He was my everything.

Through my sobs I asked my dad to take a picture of me because I knew that the moment that just passed was not a moment I'd ever want to forget. That was the moment I fell in love with my son.

Adele's version of "To Make You Feel My Love" was playing on Pandora. It couldn't have been more perfect even if Steven Spielberg created the moment himself. Whenever I hear that song, I well up. I remember. I remember the day, the feeling, the moment. I remember the time I fell in love so intensely, nothing was ever the same. I remember that time. That time I fell in love with my son.

Rarely is a woman more concerned with what her body needs than when she's pregnant. We start to question and research everything, right? From swearing off turkey sandwiches to diving down the rabbit hole of prenatal supplements that make up what we lack, the stress of overthinking is real, mama.

One of the main reasons we launched the Motherly Shop is to help take some of that stress away. We've tracked down the best brands and products developed by people (and in many cases, women!) that truly work to serve the needs of real mamas, especially throughout the overwhelming transition into motherhood.

That's why we knew we had to introduce mamas-to-be to the science-backed and expertly-formulated protein collagen for pregnancy from Needed. And as one of our bestsellers, it's clear you've been looking for it, too.

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Every week, we stock the Motherly Shop with innovative and fresh products from brands we feel good about. We want to be certain you don't miss anything, so to keep you in the loop, we're providing a cheat sheet.

So, what's new this week?

Earth Mama: Effective, natural herbal care for mamas and babies

Founded and grown in her own garage in 2002, Earth Mama started as an operation of one, creating salves, tinctures, teas and soaps with homegrown herbs. With a deep desire to bring the healing powers of nature that have been relied on for thousands of years to as many mamas as possible, Melinda Olson's formulas quickly grew into Earth Mama Organics. Since then, the brand has remained committed to manufacturing clean, safe and effective herbal solutions for the entire journey of motherhood, including pregnancy, breastfeeding and baby care, and even the loss of a baby.

Bravado Designs: Soothing sounds for a good night's sleep

With 28 years of serving pregnant and postpartum mamas under their belt, Bravado Designs is a true authority on the needs of changing bodies. It's true that we have them to thank for rescuing us from the uncomfortable and frumpy designs our own moms had to live with. Launched in Canada by two young mamas, they designed the first prototypes with extra leopard print fabric certain that a better bra was possible. Throughout the years they've maintained their commitment to ethical manufacturing while creating long-lasting products that truly work.

The Sill: Instagram-ready potted plants

We've long admired this female-founded brand and the brilliant mind behind it, Eliza Blank. (She even joined Motherly co-founder Liz Tenety on and episode of The Motherly Podcast!) The mission behind the business was simple: To make the process of bringing plants into your home as easy as possible, and as wonderful as the plant themselves. With their in-house, exclusively designed minimalist planters, the end result makes plant parenthood just a few clicks away.

Not sure where to start? Here's what we're adding to our cart:

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10 photos to take on baby’s first day that you'll cherish forever

You'll obsess over these newborn baby pictures.

Bethany Menzel: Instagram + Blog

As you're preparing for baby's birth, we bet you're dreaming of all of the amazing photos you'll take of your precious new babe. As a professional photographer and mama, I have some tips for newborn photos you'll want to capture.

Here are the 10 photos you will want to take on baby's first day.

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