Marriage is wonderful. But it takes work (especially when you become parents). So, we asked the experts—you, our Motherly Community!—what it takes to keep a marriage going strong.
Here’s what you had to say!
1. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.
“When we do something and fall short, we tell ourselves we meant well and expect our spouse to see things the same way—but when our spouse falls short we often assume he was being neglectful or lazy. Give your spouse the same grace that you’d want them to give you.”
2. Make the conscious effort to choose each other daily in the little things.
“Drifting apart happens slowly, without having to think about it. Drifting together takes intent and effort. You can make it through anything, if you continue to choose each other.”
3. Look at them with new eyes.
“Something that shifted my attitude one day, not long after our son had left home for college, was looking over at my husband as he slept beside me. I realized that he too was someone’s son. It struck me hard how I hope for someone to one day love and cherish and forgive and enjoy my son—and this permitted me to show up differently with my husband. I had always loved him, of course. But this small moment in time helped me see him with new eyes and deepened our friendship after 20 years of marriage.”
4. Look for the best in them.
“If you look for the worst in your spouse, you will find it. If you look for the best, they will exceed your expectations daily!”
5. Make time to REALLY listen and support each other.
Don’t listen to respond, listen to listen. Don’t ever make the other feel ridiculous for sharing even what seems to be the smallest of events to you. If it makes them happy or excited, be happy and excited with them!”
6. It’s okay to go to bed angry.
“So many times arguments will escalate because we’re tired and emotional. Go to bed, get the rest both of your spirits need, and revisit the issue with clearer eyes in the morning.”
7. He doesn’t need to know how much you spend at Target.
“Have your own checking accounts.”
8. He’s not perfect, but neither are you.
“Every time you want to look for something to pick on them about or want to harp on something that annoys you, remember that you’re probably just as annoying ?.
9. Talk about it.
“No matter what it is, if you’re embarrassed or don’t want to be a bother, don’t worry how long it takes. Sit down and listen to each other and say all the things that need to be said.”
10. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. So love fiercely, every day.
“When my husband came back from deployment hurt, we went through the sickness and health journey. I can still remember the lump in my throat when he was wheeled into surgery after not seeing him for almost a year.”
11. Know your spouse’s love language.
“The successes in your marriage will be based on communication—if you understand the way your partner gives and receives love you will understand the reason they communicate the way they do.”
12. Find happiness within first.
“If you are genuinely happy with yourself, you will draw someone who matches that. Happy people don’t need to find fault with others and two people vibrating genuine happiness can overcome any obstacles that arise.”
13. Never stop dating.
“The little things make a HUGE difference: say I love you, hold each other’s hands, kiss goodbye, say you’re beautiful and listen.”
You’re all pretty smart ? Thank you for the #relationshipgoals. Now go out on a date!