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The answers to 8 secret questions you want to ask your gynecologist

2. “What’s the deal with these hemorrhoids?”

The answers to 8 secret questions you want to ask your gynecologist

We’ve all been there—yes, even me, a midwife. Sitting on that cold exam table donning a paper gown, stirrups looming in front of us and the doctor or midwife says, “Any questions?”


Um, yes? Two thousand questions, actually.

But instead we just say, “Nope, I think I’m good!”

Sometimes the idea of asking about the things we really want to know about feels too uncomfortable—primarily because our society has ingrained in us the idea that anything to do with the reproductive system is taboo, secret or even bad.

There is much I can say on that but for now, just remember that while you may feel uncomfortable talking about this, gynecologists, midwives, and women’s health nurse practitioners spend their entire day talking about it.

Seriously. We found this stuff so fascinating that we decided to spend our lives learning about, discussing, looking at and answering questions about it. So please, please don’t ever hesitate to ask.

But until you do, here the answers to some of your top gynecological questions:

1. "I’m not pregnant... but I SWEAR I can feel a baby moving in there sometimes. Is that normal?”

It is—they’re called phantom kicks or phantom movements, and while there’s no confirmed medical reason they happen, many women report feeling them.

Once you’ve felt true fetal movement, it’s believed that you become more sensitive to sensation in or around your uterus, and therefore pick up on feelings you previously wouldn’t have. You may be experience gas or rumbling in your intestines or some uterine irritability.

It can be pretty disconcerting, for sure. Some women enjoy it, while some get sad—especially if they have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist if you’re struggling. You are definitely not alone.

2. “What’s the deal with these hemorrhoids?”

Hemorrhoids are swollen veins in your rectum or anus, that can protrude, bleed and cause discomfort. They are especially common during and after pregnancy. Constipation during pregnancy (and after) can also lead to hemorrhoids, especially if you are straining to have a bowel movement.

Hemorrhoids are generally not a cause for concern, but certainly reach out to your provider if they’re causing you discomfort, are large or bleeding a lot.

To relieve them you can sit in a warm bathtub or sitz bath, apply witch hazel pads or Preparation H to them, or ask your provider for a prescription medication. Rarely, they need surgery.

3. “I am about to give birth, and I will be so embarrassed if I poop while I push. Does that really happen?”

Okay, so... yes, it does. As the baby is moving down past your rectum, and as you push, often times some stool (poop) does come out.

But here’s the thing—IT IS SO TOTALLY FINE! I promise.

The nurses and doctor or midwife in the room barely even notice it. If anything, we get excited when it happens because it means that you’re doing a great job pushing and that the baby will be here very soon. We’ll just clean it away real quick and move on to the main event—you being a goddess mama giving birth to your baby.

I have attended a lot of births, and never once have I ever been involved in a conversation about whether or not someone pooped during labor. It’s just normal and no big deal. And, you’ll be so busy thinking about pushing and meeting your baby that you probably won’t notice either.

4. “When is vaginal discharge normal, and when should I be worried?”

Vaginal discharge is normal and healthy, and exists for a few reasons:

  • It helps carry away dead cells and keeps the vagina clean.
  • It helps carry semen up through the cervix around ovulation to increase the chances of getting pregnant.

You may notice that right after your period, your have very little or no vaginal discharge. It will then start up, but be dry and sticky. As you approach ovulation, it will get wetter until it has an egg white consistency (this is usually your time of peak fertility), and it will then taper off again until you get your period.

Healthy vaginal discharge is clear to white and has a sort of sour smell.

Possible signs that the discharge is not healthy include:

  • Yellow or green in color
  • Frothy
  • Chunky, like cottage cheese
  • Fish-like odor
  • Itching, pain or discomfort in or around your vaginal area
  • Lesions or bumps on or around your vagina
  • Fever
  • Anything else that makes your nervous

5. “What’s the best way to keep my vagina clean?”

Soap and water. That’s it!

Douching is a method of cleaning the inside of the vagina, usually by squirting a store-bought mixture of water and vinegar into the vagina. It is almost never recommended.

Most of the things that women want to clean out of their vaginas—discharge and odor—are supposed to be there. They are normal and healthy parts of your body and don’t need to be washed away.

Vaginas maintain a delicate balance of good bacteria and acidity—douching kills this good bacteria and changes the pH, which increases the risk of developing infections, like yeast infections. Douching can also transfer bacteria further into the body, increasing the chances of pelvic inflammatory disease and sexually transmitted infections.

The best way to clean your vagina is simply with soap and water, and only on the outside. The vaginal area can be very sensitive, and using cleaners with lots of fragrances and chemical and cause discomfort, itching and infection.

6. “Every time I [cough/sneeze/laugh/do a jumping jack] I pee. Is there anything I can do about that?”

Oh, incontinence. The gift of motherhood you would rather turn down. Unfortunately, it’s super common. Researchers report that 3 to 17% of women experience moderate to severe incontinence, but from a talking-to-real-women perspective, I’d put the number closer to about 99%.

Being pregnant, giving birth and simply aging can make the pelvic floor weaker, which can lead to the inability to hold urine in, especially during anything that applies extra pressure (like laughing and jumping).

Treatment can be difficult. Many women try Kegel exercises, a tightening of the pelvic floor muscles, to help improve strength. Our friends at Yarlap have designed a device to reestablish pelvic floor muscle control—you insert it into your vagina for 20 minutes a day and it does the work of Kegels for you. Um, yes, please! ?? (Psst—use code MOTHERLY for $25 off.)

Also, know that there are pelvic floor physical therapists who can help you. You don’t have to just live with it if you don’t want to.

7. “I’ve lost interest in sex—is there anything I can do to find it?”

Almost everyone—men and women—go through periods in their lives where they have lower libidos and less sexual desires. So you are not alone. And it can be totally natural. There are so many reasons people can experience a decreased love of sex:

It is kind of a wonder that new parents ever want to have sex with all of these factors!

Alcohol, tobacco, street and prescription medications and medical problems can also contribute to a decreased libido, so it is important to speak with your medical provider about it to make sure something more serious isn’t going on.

Beyond that, try not to pressure yourself—that stress usually only makes it worse.

That said, sometimes as parents, it’s really hard (read: impossible) to be spontaneous like you used to be, so if you need to schedule it in, do so. Just make a date for “us time”—if that turns into going to sleep at 8 p.m. together, great. If it turns into going to bed but not sleeping ? great as well.

Make sure to use lubrication, especially if you’ve recently had a baby or are breastfeeding, as the hormones can make vaginal dryness an issue.

Don’t underestimate the power of foreplay—yes, you are busy and time is limited, but a little foreplay can go a long way in terms of getting the heat levels rising.

And talk to each other. Good communication is so vital, and you’ll probably feel closer and more connected by doing it.

8. “Should I shave or wax my pubic hair before a pelvic exam?”

Certainly not for our sake!

Pubic hair exists for a number of reasons—warmth, protection from dirt and bugs and such going into places they shouldn’t, and pheromone trapping—pheromones being one’s scent that attracts just the right mate so that we produce offspring that are more likely to survive and further the species (pubic hair might be responsible for evolution, who knew?)

In this day and age, when there is less of a threat of the aforementioned bug problem, pubic hair may not as important as it once was. People choose to leave it, style it or remove. This is, of course, a very personal decision, though there are some risks with hair removal including burns, abrasions, ingrown hairs and infections.

Now that you are a pubic hair expert, I will tell you that your GYN or midwife doesn’t even notice it, really. We do somewhere between 5 and 20 vaginal exams a day, so we are simply unfazed by it. If you feel more comfortable removing your pubic hair, certainly go for it, but please don’t worry about being embarrassed by it or anything like that. It’s normal and healthy.

We're so glad to live in a time when modern baby gear exists. Sure, no one is going to argue that having a baby is easy—but it can be easier with support from some gadgets designed to help your baby and put your mind at ease.

As you build your baby registry, look for products that go the extra mile to make your life a whole lot easier. For example, what's better than a bassinet? A bassinet that can rock by itself. And what's better than a traditional baby monitor? One that allows you to actually take a peek at your baby. Believe us when we say these upgrades can make all the difference.

Here are 10 baby gadgets that will make your life so much easier… relatively speaking, of course!


A bassinet to promote safe + sound sleep

HALO Innovations Bassinest Swivel Sleeper Essenta Series Nautical Net

The safest place for your newborn to sleep is in your room, but not in your bed. Thanks to the swivel function of the Halo Bassinest, you can easily tend to your baby during the night—which means more sleep for you, too. Trust us when we say that is the best gift you can give a new parent.

$239.99

A smart swing for your baby

4moms mamaRoo 4 Bluetooth Enabled High-Tech Baby Swing - Classic

Believe it or not, many babies are born with strong opinions about how they want to be rocked, swung or shushed to calm down. With the mamaRoo's various motions and reclining positions, you'll be able to find a setting your baby loves when you need to free up your hands for a bit.

$219.99

A complete travel system for car + sidewalk

Chicco Bravo Travel System - Indigo

No matter where the day takes you—or what mode of transportation you need to get there—getting a complete travel system for your baby will equip you for anything.

$379.99

A swaddle you don’t have to wrestle

Love To Dream Swaddle UP Original

What do babies and Harry Houdini have in common? A knack for breaking out of tight constraints—which can be a headache when swaddling is the best way to help promote good sleep. Thanks to a breakout-proof swaddle that allows your baby to sleep with their hands up, you don't have to work up a sweat just to get your baby comfortably swaddled.

$29.99

A nursery wherever you need it

Baby Trend Lil Snooze Deluxe II Nursery Center

During the early days of parenting (when you are feeding and changing your baby around the clock), having convenient access to everything you need with a go-anywhere nursery station can save you serious time and energy.

$99.99

A little help for stuffy noses

Fridababy NoseFrida Nasal Aspirator

Up until the point years down the road when your child is able to blow their own nose, the sniffles can be a real struggle—but not with a nasal aspirator that makes it easy for you to get that snot out of their nose.

$15.99

A way to keep an eye on your baby

VTech 5" Digital Video Baby Monitor - VM5251

Trust us when we say you'll sleep better when you know your baby is also sleeping soundly. That's why we're so thankful for modern-day video monitors, which allow you to check in on your sleeping baby without running the risk of waking them up when you sneak in for a peek.

$79.99

A bassinet for hands-free rocking

Simmons Kids Silent Auto Gliding Elite Bassinet - Odyssey

Babies are soothed by rocking motions. But what does that mean for you if you can't rock them throughout the night? With an auto-gliding bassinet, they can comfortably drift off to sleep... and continue snoozing.

$99.99

An easy way to contain diaper smells

Diaper Genie Expressions Pail

Sometimes it's the little conveniences that make a big difference in the quality of your day-to-day life. That's why a great diaper pail should not be undervalued: By containing the smell, you will save yourself dozens upon dozens of trips to the garbage can.

$24.99

A white noise machine that pulls double duty

Hatch Rest Sound Machine, Night Light & Time-to-Rise

A phone-controlled sound machine may be something you never considered until now, but it will be a major lifesaver for years to come, especially as it can also function as a time-to-rise clock that promotes good sleep habits for your child.

$59.99

And as for securing all these awesome products? Well, a Target baby registry is the way to do it. By creating your baby registry with Target, you will also enjoy their Year of Benefits registry program, which includes perks like a welcome kit with more than $100 in savings and samples, two 15% off coupons to complete your registry, and a full year of returns. The benefits are better than ever right now: Target just launched the Year of Exclusive Deals perk as one of its registry benefits, and this includes a year's worth of discounts on baby essentials (think diapers and formula) and comes complementary when you sign up for Target Circle.

Because while parenting may not be "easy," deciding to register with Target definitely is an easy decision. Start your Target baby registry now and enjoy shopping with a Year of Benefits featuring a Year of Exclusive Deals available via Target Circle, two 15% off coupons, a year of hassle-free returns, a free welcome kit and more!

This article was sponsored by Target. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas.

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14 outdoor toys your kids will want to play with beyond summer

They transition seamlessly for indoor play.

With Labor day weekend in the rearview and back-to-school in full swing, most parents are fresh out of boxes to check on their "Fun Concierge" hit list. It's also the point of diminishing returns on investing in summer-only toys. So with that in mind, we've rounded up some of our favorite toys that are not only built to last but will easily make the transition from outdoor to indoor play. Even better, they're Montessori-friendly and largely open-ended so your kids can get a ton of use out of them.

From sunny backyard afternoons to rainy mornings stuck inside, these toys are sure to keep little ones engaged and entertained.

Meadow ring toss game

Plan Toys meadow ring toss game

Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.

$30

Balance board

Plan Toys balance board

Balance boards are a fabulous way to get the wiggles out. This one comes with a rope attachment, making it suitable for even the youngest wigglers. From practicing their balance and building core strength to working on skills that translate to skateboarding and snowboarding, it's a year-round physical activity that's easy to bring inside and use between Zoom classes, too!

$75

Detective set

Plan Toys detective setDetective Set

This set has everything your little detective needs to solve whatever mystery they might encounter: an eye glasses, walkie-talkie, camera, a red lens, a periscope and a bag. Neighborhood watch? Watch out.

$40

Wooden doll stroller

Janod wooden doll strollerWooden Doll Stroller

Take their charges on a stroll around the block with this classic doll stroller. With the same versatility they're used to in their own ride, this heirloom quality carriage allows their doll or stuffy to face them or face the world.

$120

Sand play set

Plan Toys sand set

Whether you're hitting the beach or the backyard sandbox, this adorable wooden sand set is ready for action. Each scoop has an embossed pattern that's perfect for sand stamping. They're also totally suitable for water play in the wild or the bathtub.

$30

Water play set

Plan Toys water play set

Filled with sand or water, this tabletop sized activity set keeps little ones busy, quiet and happy. (A mama's ideal trifecta 😉). It's big enough to satisfy their play needs but not so big it's going to flood your floors if you bring the fun inside on a rainy day.

$100

Mini golf set

Plan Toys mini golf set

Fore! This mini golf set is lawn and living room ready. Set up a backyard competition or incorporate into homeschooling brain breaks that shift focus and build concentration.

$40

Vintage scooter balance bike

Janod retro scooter balance bike

Pedals are so 2010. Balance bikes are the way to go for learning to ride a bike while skipping the training wheels stage altogether. This impossibly cool retro scooter-style is built to cruise the neighborhood or open indoor space as they're learning.

$121

Wooden rocking pegasus

plan toys wooden rocking pegasus

Your little will be ready to take flight on this fun pegasus. It gently rocks back and forth, but doesn't skimp on safety—its winged saddle, footrests and backrest ensure kids won't fall off whether they're rocking inside or outside.

$100

Croquet set

Plan Toys croquet set

The cutest croquet set we've ever seen! With adorable animal face wooden balls and a canvas bag for easy clean up, it's also crafted to stick around awhile. Round after round, it's great for teaching kiddos math and problem-solving skills as well.

$45

Wooden digital camera

fathers factory wooden digital camera

Kids get the chance to assemble the camera on their own then can adventure anywhere to capture the best moments. With two detachable magnetic lenses, four built-in filters and video recorder, your little photographer can tap into their creativity from summertime to the holidays.

$179

Wooden bulldozer toy

plan toys wooden bulldozer toy

Whether they're digging up sand in the backyad or picking up toys inside, kids can get as creative as they want picking up and moving things around. Even better? Its wooden structure means it's not an eye sore to look at wherever your digger drops it.

$100

Pull-along hippo

janod toys pull along hippo toy

There's just something so fun about a classic pull-along toy and we love that they seamlessly transition between indoor and outdoor play. Crafted from solid cherry and beechwood, it's tough enough to endure outdoor spaces your toddler takes it on.

$33

Baby forest fox ride-on

janod toys baby fox ride on

Toddlers will love zooming around on this fox ride-on, and it's a great transition toy into traditional balance bikes. If you take it for a driveway adventure, simply use a damp cloth to wipe down the wheels before bringing back inside.

$88

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What went viral this week: Pregnant Disney Princesses + an airline nightmare

Now, more than ever, we need to hear those good news stories.

Vanessa Firme/Instagram

Last week was a week.

We lost a legal and cultural icon with the passing of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and deadly wildfires continue to blaze on the West Coast. Now, more than ever, we need to see creativity, kindness and compassion in our world—we need to hear those "good news" stories, but we also need to see the headlines that show us how and why the world needs to change .

And right now both kinds of stories are going viral.

Here are the viral stories you need to read right now:

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