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50 ridiculous things I never thought I'd say as a mom 😂

2. "Yes I can wipe your butt for you."

50 ridiculous things I never thought I'd say as a mom 😂

Being a parent comes with some funny responsibilities—like wiping someone else's bum, sucking out snot from another human's nose and singing songs you learned from a cartoon tiger that will help your child calm down when they're angry and feel like they want to roar at someone.

Another funny part of parenting is the absolutely ridiculous things you actually say out loud on the daily. They're things that just easily slide right out of your mouth, but then you pause and wonder to yourself—did I really just say that?

We wanted to know the funniest things our #TeamMotherly parents have said lately so we asked. (But shh—we're not naming any names!)

1. “It's okay that you only love daddy. I love you anyway."

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2. “Yes I can wipe your butt for you."

3. “You really can be a fairy princess-scientist if you want to!" 👸

4. “Please stop screaming “diarrhea poopy pants"—we're in public!"

5. “No you are not allowed to sit in the front seat. Mommy will get arrested."

6. “Aww good morning, little bud! I love you, too!"

7. “What? No, we cannot make pizza and ice cream for breakfast." 🍕

8. “Please stop asking Alexa to play “I am a Gummy Bear." Mommy hasn't even had her coffee."

9. “Put your shoes on. Please, put your shoes on. Shoes. On. Now. Please put your shoes on. Please, put your shoes on. Forget it, no shoes."

10. “Please stop using your sister as your chair. She obviously does not like that."

11. “Wow, yes that is the biggest poop I've ever seen. Good boy!"

12. “No I haven't seen your stick. I'm not really sure where it is." (AKA, I'm not sure which garbage dump it currently is in, so technically I'm not sure.)

13. “You want to be a ghost when you grow up? I'm not really sure what to say to that." 👻

14. “Yes, that's correct. Girls pee out of their butt."

15. “When are you gonna be home?" (To my husband.)

16. “Yes, can I please have an extra large hot coffee, black? Can you put like five shots of espresso in there, too, please? It's been a long morning."

17. “We can't go outside/have a dance party/get the mail/FaceTime Grandma until you put your pants back on."

18. “I am not a fresh mommy. I am a nice mommy."

19. (To the tune of REM's “Everybody Hurts") “Everyyyybody pooooops...sommmmetimesss." (To help my toddler coax her poop out.) 💩

20. “Yes, I'd love to play chainsaws with you." #BoyMom

21. “I actually think Shimmer and Shine are sleeping so we can't watch anymore right now."

22. “Princess Anna is...on vacation." (AKA, Mom has no idea where she is.)

23. “No thank you, I don't need help wiping, I am all set."

24. “OK—you can be a pirate and I'm going to make dinner." ?☠️

25. “Did you poop?" (x10 million billion.)



26. “Daddy is going to be home soon! Who's excited?! I am, I am!"

27. “Because I'm pregnant, daddy's not, and you weigh 35 lbs." (My answer to why can Daddy carry him across the boardwalk and why I can't...)

28. “Please get your hand out of your diaper, we are eating."

29. “DON'T TOUCH THE POOP!"

30. “Yes, you do sound just like Dave Matthews!" 🎤

31. (To myself) “Welp, I guess today is the last time for three months I can clip my own toenails. BOY that was fast!"

32. “I don't know why you two are arguing about whether the clouds are green or not. They are white. Sorry to burst your bubble."

33. “Don't pull her head off, though! That's not nice."

34. “Yes, your doll also has a vagina."

35. “No, we are not home yet." ❌

36. “Can I be Moana this time? I am getting sick of playing Maui."

37. “That is a bat to play baseball with. It is not a weapon!"

38. “You are SO strong! Look at those muscles!"

39. “Please stay in your bed now and go to sleep."

40. “Who are you FaceTiming?"

41. "Please don't stick your finger in the cat's raspberry."

42. "In my hands!" ...while he's about to vomit 🤢

43. "No, you cannot wipe ME."

44. "Forks don't go in your undies." 😬😬

45. "Wow, you're right. That poop does look like Daniel Tiger."

46. "Don't pee on your brother."

47. "How did that get on the ceiling!?"

48. "That was a good booger"

49. "Why are you eating (my friend's) face?!?"

50. "Don't flush! I have to check your poop for that penny you swallowed!" 😩

Our analysis?
Parents and kids talk about poop A LOT.

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14 Toys that will keep your kids entertained inside *and* outside

They transition seamlessly for indoor play.

With Labor day weekend in the rearview and back-to-school in full swing, most parents are fresh out of boxes to check on their "Fun Concierge" hit list. It's also the point of diminishing returns on investing in summer-only toys. So with that in mind, we've rounded up some of our favorite toys that are not only built to last but will easily make the transition from outdoor to indoor play. Even better, they're Montessori-friendly and largely open-ended so your kids can get a ton of use out of them.

From sunny backyard afternoons to rainy mornings stuck inside, these toys are sure to keep little ones engaged and entertained.

Meadow ring toss game

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Besides offering a fantastic opportunity to hone focus, coordination, determination and taking turns, lawn games are just plain fun. Set them up close together for the littles and spread them out when Mom and Dad get in on the action. With their low profile and rope rings, they're great for indoors as well.

$30

Balance board

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Balance boards are a fabulous way to get the wiggles out. This one comes with a rope attachment, making it suitable for even the youngest wigglers. From practicing their balance and building core strength to working on skills that translate to skateboarding and snowboarding, it's a year-round physical activity that's easy to bring inside and use between Zoom classes, too!

$75

Detective set

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This set has everything your little detective needs to solve whatever mystery they might encounter: an eye glasses, walkie-talkie, camera, a red lens, a periscope and a bag. Neighborhood watch? Watch out.

$40

Wooden doll stroller

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Take their charges on a stroll around the block with this classic doll stroller. With the same versatility they're used to in their own ride, this heirloom quality carriage allows their doll or stuffy to face them or face the world.

$120

Sand play set

Plan Toys sand set

Whether you're hitting the beach or the backyard sandbox, this adorable wooden sand set is ready for action. Each scoop has an embossed pattern that's perfect for sand stamping. They're also totally suitable for water play in the wild or the bathtub.

$30

Water play set

Plan Toys water play set

Filled with sand or water, this tabletop sized activity set keeps little ones busy, quiet and happy. (A mama's ideal trifecta 😉). It's big enough to satisfy their play needs but not so big it's going to flood your floors if you bring the fun inside on a rainy day.

$100

Mini golf set

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Fore! This mini golf set is lawn and living room ready. Set up a backyard competition or incorporate into homeschooling brain breaks that shift focus and build concentration.

$40

Vintage scooter balance bike

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Pedals are so 2010. Balance bikes are the way to go for learning to ride a bike while skipping the training wheels stage altogether. This impossibly cool retro scooter-style is built to cruise the neighborhood or open indoor space as they're learning.

$121

Wooden rocking pegasus

plan toys wooden rocking pegasus

Your little will be ready to take flight on this fun pegasus. It gently rocks back and forth, but doesn't skimp on safety—its winged saddle, footrests and backrest ensure kids won't fall off whether they're rocking inside or outside.

$100

Croquet set

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The cutest croquet set we've ever seen! With adorable animal face wooden balls and a canvas bag for easy clean up, it's also crafted to stick around awhile. Round after round, it's great for teaching kiddos math and problem-solving skills as well.

$45

Wooden digital camera

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Kids get the chance to assemble the camera on their own then can adventure anywhere to capture the best moments. With two detachable magnetic lenses, four built-in filters and video recorder, your little photographer can tap into their creativity from summertime to the holidays.

$179

Wooden bulldozer toy

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Whether they're digging up sand in the backyad or picking up toys inside, kids can get as creative as they want picking up and moving things around. Even better? Its wooden structure means it's not an eye sore to look at wherever your digger drops it.

$100

Pull-along hippo

janod toys pull along hippo toy

There's just something so fun about a classic pull-along toy and we love that they seamlessly transition between indoor and outdoor play. Crafted from solid cherry and beechwood, it's tough enough to endure outdoor spaces your toddler takes it on.

$33

Baby forest fox ride-on

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Toddlers will love zooming around on this fox ride-on, and it's a great transition toy into traditional balance bikes. If you take it for a driveway adventure, simply use a damp cloth to wipe down the wheels before bringing back inside.

$88

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This is my one trick to get baby to sleep (and it always works!)

There's a reason why every mom tells you to buy a sound machine.

So in my defense, I grew up in Florida. As a child of the sunshine state, I knew I had to check for gators before sitting on the toilet, that cockroaches didn't just scurry, they actually flew, and at that point, the most popular and only sound machine I had ever heard of was the Miami Sound Machine.

I was raised on the notion that the rhythm was going to get me, not lull me into a peaceful slumber. Who knew?!

Well evidently science and, probably, Gloria Estefan knew, but I digress.

When my son was born, I just assumed the kid would know how to sleep. When I'm tired that's what I do, so why wouldn't this smaller more easily exhausted version of me not work the same way? Well, the simple and cinematic answer is, he is not in Kansas anymore.

Being in utero is like being in a warm, soothing and squishy spa. It's cozy, it's secure, it comes with its own soundtrack. Then one day the spa is gone. The space is bigger, brighter and the constant stream of music has come to an abrupt end. Your baby just needs a little time to acclimate and a little assist from continuous sound support.

My son, like most babies, was a restless and active sleeper. It didn't take much to jolt him from a sound sleep to crying like a banshee. I once microwaved a piece of pizza, and you would have thought I let 50 Rockettes into his room to perform a kick line.

I was literally walking on eggshells, tiptoeing around the house, watching the television with the closed caption on.

Like adults, babies have an internal clock. Unlike adults, babies haven't harnessed the ability to hit the snooze button on that internal clock. Lucky for babies they have a great Mama to hit the snooze button for them.

Enter the beloved by all—sound machines.

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Chrissy Teigen/Instagram

When Chrissy Teigen announced her third pregnancy earlier this year we were so happy for her and now our hearts are with her as she is going through a pain that is unimaginable for many, but one that so many other mothers know.

Halfway through a high-risk pregnancy complicated by placenta issues, Teigen announced late Wednesday that she has suffered a pregnancy loss.

Our deepest condolences go out to Chrissy and her husband, John Legend (who has been by her side in the hospital for several days now).

In a social media post, Teigen explained she named this baby Jack.

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"We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we've never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn't enough," she wrote.

She continued: "We never decide on our babies' names until the last possible moment after they're born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever."

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