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Last night, as I lay in bed eating gummy bears while watching Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, exhausted beyond belief and wondering when Tiny Boss No. 2 would wake up next for a feed, I had to remind myself: This too shall pass.


There are a lot of things I forgot about having a newborn.

Those first few weeks can truly be the most exhausting, the most challenging, the most painful and the most terrifying—as you think to yourself how your world has been turned on its head and will never be the same again.

Repeat after me, mama: This, too, shall pass.

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Last night, I spent two hours solely dedicated to trying to settle my fussy 20-day-old, while her father got her almost 2-year-old sister ready for bed. I envied his task a little; its predictability, its dependable routine, its lack of screams and cries, and lack of moments of self-doubt and desperation. Those moments of “what do you want me to do?!” as you try and figure out what this little person needs from you.

I had to put my newborn down in her Moses basket and take a quick shower (also known between my mama friends and I as “Mommy Time-Out”) because I started to feel a little too overwhelmed. Her father swooped in while I was in the shower, picked her up and patted her for two minutes and she was fast asleep.

I had to take a deep breath and remind myself: This, too, shall pass.

Those endless nights of wake-ups, marathon nursing sessions, endless diaper changes and outfit changes, spit-up, bedsheet overhauls, patting, shushing, settling: They will pass.

That tiny baby that only wants to be held, bounced or rocked in order to fall asleep; that searing pain between your shoulder blades from bouncing on the Swiss ball in the hope that those alert little eyes will start to close drowsily... It will pass.

That excruciating pain you felt shortly after delivery, just when you thought your recovery was going swimmingly, that debilitating pain that made you think that something was seriously wrong, made you question whether you were ever going to feel like yourself again: It, too, shall pass.

I’ve forgotten how you really do have to drop everything sometimes when you have a newborn.

Like dishes, mid-rinse.

Laundry, mid-sort.

Your shower, mid-shampoo.

Getting dressed, eating a meal, writing a blog post (haha)... You name it.

You start to wonder whether you will ever have any time to yourself, or whether you’ll ever be able to complete a task from start to finish.

This, too, shall pass.

And then there is that 5:30 a.m. nursing session. Everyone is still asleep except you and your new baby. There’s a small crack in the curtains and the faintest of dawn lights filters through. It dances across those soft, perfect cheeks. It flickers across those open, eager eyes. In that moment, the world stops and it’s just you and your baby. You somehow fall in love with each other even more. You stare at her and wonder whether this is going to be the moment she’ll give you her first real smile.

These moments, too, shall pass.

There’s that nursing session which you genuinely think will never end. You finally put your baby up on your shoulder to burp her and feel her tiny body melt into your arms. You feel every part of that delicate little body collapse peacefully onto yours, and you feel her short, quick, warm breaths on your neck. She’s asleep. She’s content. All she wants is to lay on your chest, and be close to the heartbeat that guided her through those nine months.

This, too, shall pass.

Your ability to be the person that can provide that baby with everything they need – whether they’re hungry, tired, scared, lonely; it will pass. There will come a point where you won’t be their everything, the centre of their universe.

It will pass.

I can smugly say this because I’ve done it once before, mama. The difficult parts of new motherhood, the incomprehensible emotions, the sleep deprivation, the physical pain, the lack of freedom and independence: I promise you, they will pass.

But I also know that those fleeting moments–those irreplaceable, perfect moments when you truly feel like this baby has made you a mother, to the point that you feel like your souls are perfectly in sync, and you are everything your baby needs–they will also pass. They don’t disappear, but they will change.

There is something special in the way a mother and her baby fall in love with each other, whether it’s from that first moment you meet or later down the track.

Just a few weeks ago, my toddler fell asleep as she lay her head on my chest while we were sitting in the living room. I realized in that moment that she hadn’t done that in so long, and that I missed it. There was a time when I desperately wished she would stop needing to fall asleep on me, and you know what? It happened.

It passes. It changes. And you will miss it.

So I’m telling myself to bask in these moments with a little more patience, a little more appreciation, because history has shown me how something you once think is the impossible, becomes something you wish never went away.

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There are few kids television shows as successful as PAW Patrol. The Spin Masters series has spawned countless toys and clothing deals, a live show and now, a movie.

That's right mama, PAW Patrol is coming to the big screen in 2021.

The big-screen version of PAW Patrol will be made with Nickelodeon Movies and will be distributed by Paramount Pictures.

"We are thrilled to partner with Paramount and Nickelodeon to bring the PAW Patrol franchise, and the characters that children love, to the big screen," Spin Master Entertainment's Executive Vice President, Jennifer Dodge, announced Friday.

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"This first foray into the arena of feature film marks a significant strategic expansion for Spin Master Entertainment and our properties. This demonstrates our commitment to harnessing our own internal entertainment production teams to develop and deliver IP in a motion picture format and allows us to connect our characters to fans through shared theatrical experiences," Dodge says.

No word on the plot yet, but we're gonna bet there's a problem, 'round Aventure Bay, and Ryder and his team of pups will come and save the day.

We cannot even imagine how excited little PAW Patrol fans will be when this hits theatres in 2021. It's still too early to buy advance tickets but we would if we could!

News

In the middle of that postpartum daze, the sleepless nights, the recovery, the adjustment to a new schedule and learning the cues of a new baby, there are those moments when a new mom might think, I don't know how long I can do this.

Fortunately, right around that time, newborns smile their first real smile.

For many mothers, the experience is heart-melting and soul-lifting. It's a crumb of sustenance to help make it through the next challenges, whether that's sleep training, baby's first cold, or teething. Each time that baby smiles, the mother remembers, I can do this, and it's worth it.

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Dayna M. Kurtz, LMSW, CPT a NYC-based psychotherapist and author of Mother Matters: A Holistic Guide to Being a Happy, Healthy Mom, says she sees this in her clinical practice.

"One mother I worked with recounted her experience of her baby's first smile. At eight weeks postpartum, exhausted and overwhelmed, she remembered her baby smiling broadly at her just before a nighttime feeding," Kurtz says. "In that moment, she was overcome by tremendous joy and relief, and felt, for the first time, a real connection to her son."

So what is it about a baby's smile that can affect a mother so deeply? Can it all be attributed to those new-mom hormones? Perhaps it stems from the survival instincts that connect an infant with its mother, or the infant learning social cues. Or is there something more going on inside our brains?

In 2008, scientists in Houston, TX published their research on the topic. Their study, "What's in a Smile? Maternal Brain Responses to Infant Facial Cues", takes data from the MRI images of 26 women as they observed images of infants smiling, crying, or with a neutral expression.

The images included the mother's own infant alternated with an unknown infant of similar ethnicity and in similar clothing and position. In each image, the baby displayed a different emotion through one of three facial expressions; happy, neutral, or sad. Researchers monitored the change in the mothers' brain activity through the transitions in images from own-infant to unknown-infant, and from happy to neutral to sad and vice versa.

The results?

"When first-time mothers see their own baby's face, an extensive brain network appears to be activated, wherein affective and cognitive information may be integrated and directed toward motor/behavioral outputs," wrote the study's authors. Seeing her infant smile or cry prompts the areas of the brain that would instigate a mother to act, whether it be to comfort, care for, or caress and play with the baby.

In addition, the authors found that reward-related brain regions are activated specifically in response to happy, but not sad, baby faces. The areas of the brain that lit up in their study are the same areas that release dopamine, the "pleasure chemical." For context, other activities that elicit dopamine surges include eating chocolate, having sex, or doing drugs. So in other words, a baby's smile may be as powerful as those other feel-good experiences.

And this gooey feeling moms may get from seeing their babies smile isn't just a recreational high—it serves a purpose.

This reward system (aka dopaminergic and oxytocinergic neuroendocrine system) exists to motivate the mother to forge a positive connection with the baby, according to Aurélie Athan, PhD, director of the Reproductive & Maternal Psychology Laboratory (a laboratory that created the first graduate courses of their kind in these subjects).

These networks also promote a mother's ability to share her emotional state with her child, which is the root of empathy. "A mother cries when baby cries, smiles when baby smiles," Athan says.

While there's a physiological explanation underlying that warm-and-fuzzy sensation elicited by a smile, there may be other factors at play too, Kurtz says.

"In my clinical practice, I often observe a stunning exchange between a mother and her baby when the latter smiles at her. A mother who is otherwise engaged in conversation with me may be, for that moment, entirely redirected to focus on her little one," Kurtz says. "This kind of attention-capturing on the part of the baby can enable and cultivate maternal attunement—a mother's ability to more deeply connect with her infant. The quality of attunement in early childhood often sets the stage for one's relationship patterns in the future."

Whether a physiological response, a neural activation, simple instinct, or the tightening of emotional connection, the feeling generated by babies' smiles is a buoy in the choppy ocean of new parenthood.

And while the first smile may be the most magical by virtue of its surprise and the necessity of that emotional lift, the fuzzy feeling can continue well into that baby's childhood and beyond. It keeps telling parents, you've got this!

[This was originally published on Apparently]

Life

Chrissy Teigen is one of the most famous moms in the world and definitely one of the most famous moms on social media.

She's the Queen of Twitter and at least the Duchess of Instagram but with a massive following comes a massive dose of mom-shame, and Teigen admits the online comments criticizing her parenting affects her.

"It's pretty much everything," Teigen told Today, noting that the bulk of the criticism falls into three categories: How she feeds her kids, how she uses her car seats and screen time.

"Any time I post a picture of them holding ribs or eating sausage, I get a lot of criticism," she explained. "Vegans and vegetarians are mad and feel that we're forcing meat upon them at a young age. They freak out."

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Teigen continues: "If they get a glimpse of the car seat there is a lot of buckle talk. Maybe for one half of a second, the strap slipped down. And TV is another big one. We have TV on a lot in my house. John and I work on television; we love watching television."

Teigen wants the shame to stop, not just for herself but for all the other moms who feel it. (And we agree.)

"Hearing that nine out of 10 moms don't feel like they're doing a good enough job is terrible," she said. "We're all so worried that we're not doing all that we can, when we really are."

The inspiration for Teigen talking publicly about mom-shame may be in part because of her participation in Pampers' "Share the Love" campaign. But even though Teigen's discussion coincides with this campaign, the message remains equally important. Advertising can be a powerful tool for shifting the way society thinks about what's "normal" and we would much rather see companies speaking out against mom-shame than inducing it to sell more stuff.

Calling out mom-shame in our culture is worth doing in our lives, our communities and yes, our diaper commercials. Thank you Chrissy (and thank you, Pampers).

News

Dear fellow mama,

I was thinking about the past the other day. About the time I had three small boys—a newborn, his 2-year-old brother and his 5-year-old brother.

How I was always drowning.

How I could never catch my breath between the constant requests.

How I always felt guilty no matter how hard I tried.

How hard it was—the constant exhaustion, struggling to keep my home any kind of clean or tidy, how I struggled to feed my kids nutritious meals, to bathe them and clean them and keep them warmly dressed in clean clothing, to love them well or enough or well enough.

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Those years were some of the toughest years I have ever encountered.

But mama, I am here to tell you that it doesn't last forever. Slowly, incrementally, without you even noticing, it gets easier. First, one child is toilet trained, then the bigger one can tie his own shoelaces, then finally they are all sleeping through the night.

It's hard to imagine; I really really get it.

It is going to get easier. I swear it. I'm not saying that there won't be new parenting challenges, that it won't be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life. It will be. But it will get easier.

These days, all of my kids get the bus to school and back. Most of them dress themselves. They can all eat independently and use the toilet. Sometimes they play with each other for hours leaving me time to do whatever I need to do that day.

I sleep through the night. I am not constantly in a haze of exhaustion. I am not overwhelmed by three tiny little people needing me to help them with their basic needs, all at the same time.

I can drink a hot cup of coffee. I do not wish with every fiber of my being that I was an octopus, able to help each tiny person at the same time.

I am not tugged in opposite directions. I don't have to disappoint my 3-year-old who desperately wants to play with me while I am helping his first grade bother with his first grade reading homework.

And one day, you will be here too.

It's going to get easier. I promise. And while it may not happen today or even next week or even next month, it will happen. And you will look around in wonder at the magnificent people you helped to create and nurture and sustain.

Until then, you are stronger and more resilient than you can even imagine.

You've got this. Today and always.

Love,

A fellow mama

Life
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